A New Beginning



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‘Whatever happened to that Blog you had?’ A friend asked me recently.

‘You know the one? …about the yellow bicycle’

‘Oh that’s still on the go’ I answered airily.

But it wasn’t..My art had taken over!

Watercolours of red onions and sketches of coffeepots had gripped my attention.

‘Why write it when you can draw it’ became my motto.

But a little voice inside my head whispered

‘Why do you never stick at one thing? ‘

I felt ashamed. But then there are so many things I want to do ..and life seems to short to fit them all in.

So my goal for 2023 is to paint AND write.

Watch this space friends.

Wanted: Small caravan with room for a bicycle (Rescuing Baba, the final leg)



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For my mother.

I have to interrupt my story of Baba to tell of a recent event which is intertwined in this tale.

My love of camping/caravanning is not new to me.

It was instilled into me by my parents from childhood.

My summer memories are not of some hotel with pool in Spain but of running barefoot with my siblings across the sand somewhere in the west of Ireland.

If I had stopped running for an instant and looked back I would have seen my mother standing at a table outside the caravan, washing potatoes or mixing flour to make bread in that large familiar bowl .

It must have been hard on her, but she said it wasn’t.

She said, we were so content playing along the strand, swimming, collecting shells, exploring the rock pools for hours on end, that she only saw us when we were hungry

She also said, she had way less house work to do.

Sadly On  the 22nd of April last, two days after her 88th birthday my mother slipped serenely from this life. 

Below is a photo of her favorite camping spot.

If I walk along the strand and peek around that piece of rock mid beach, I will see her and my dad sitting in their little caravan drinking tea and eating her homemade bread which she baked in the caravan oven.



At the end of February I had flown over to the Netherlands to buy a small Eriba caravan.

My intention was, to drive back there a month later, pick it up and instead of bringing it straight home, explore its country of birth, staying a few nights in it here and there.

But my plans were scuppered by the corona virus.

By the time I had organised my pick up dates, non essential travel to Europe was no longer permitted.

Eventually, thanks to the kindness of various people, instead of me having to collect it, it would be shipped over to Dublin port and I could collect it from there.

But the day it left the dock at Rotterdam, total lock down was announced for Ireland and although it had landed safely, I was not permitted to drive the 20 kms to pick it up.


March 27th

Lock down has just been announced and I am laughing.

Not ha ha joyous laughing, but rather hysterically guffawing.

I just KNEW it.

After all this, the fact that my caravan was making its own way over, was too good to be true!

Two thoughts occurred to me.

A; This caravan was not meant to be.

B; Even if I did finally get it I couldn’t go anywhere in it.

But I’m not one to give up easily

I put my thinking cap on (and the thinking caps of my friends)

‘You could just take a risk and drive to the docks! Whats the worst that can happen? The Garda (Police ) will stop you and turn you back’  One friend suggested. ‘you won’t be any the worse off than you are now!’

‘You have your nurses ID, you could say your a nurse going to or coming off duty?’ another friend chimed in.

‘Towing a caravan?’ I raised my eyebrows.

‘You need it to isolate in?’

‘You could say its your home!’

But none of these options sat right with me and anyway I am not good at telling lies, my face would give it away.

‘Don’t worry, something will turn up. The answer will come to you’  My best friend says with such confidence that I believe her.

But I think she might be saying that just to shut me up.

At this stage I’m sure everyone is sick of me and my caravan.

That evening I sit at my laptop, sadly scrolling through old photos, taunting myself by looking at the places I could go if I did have a caravan.

As I gaze the answer did indeed come to me.

My attention is caught by a photo of my camper being lifted onto a tow truck. (It had been broken into and was being taken off for repairs).

I squint at the photo.

I couldn’t make out the name of the company but I could clearly see the phone number written on the side of the truck.

I pick up my phone and dial.

‘No problem’ says a kindly voice. ‘It will be tomorrow though’.

And so my best friend was right! the answer had come to me.

And now I have come to the end of my story.

As I look at Baba finally home, I am content.

Ok I cant go anywhere with her yet, but when I do that will be my next story.





Wanted small caravan with room for a bicycle.(What now Baba?)



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They say this pandemic is unprecedented and so it is.

But there is also a vague familiarity about it. Some memory deep in my brain is awakened by all this talk of cocooning and isolation and fear of contamination.

April 1964

It is the day of my first holy communion.

A day when I should have been feted, admired and treated like a princess.

So why instead am I lying on the floor of our family car in my finery, hidden under an old picnic blanket?

Well there is a simple explanation.

My mother is in hospital being treated for tuberculosis of her lungs, a much feared and highly contagious disease of that time and she is in isolation (along with five other women suffering from the same plight).

There was huge social stigma attached to the disease back then.

Families were ostracized if word got out that a member had been infected with it. (I see this mimicked today! Some of my nursing colleagues are being asked to leave their rental apartments for fear they will bring the Corona virus home).

To the day of his death, my father would never drink from a cup with a crack in it as the bacteria was thought to linger in such places. I don’t blame him, he had lost his own mother to tuberculosis at just 16 years or age.

My mother has been in the sanatorium for two months now and wouldn’t be released until the following autumn.

Meanwhile her six children would not be allowed to see her.

Except for me!

Feeling sorry for me on my special day my Dad has decided to break the rules.

I am smuggled passed the security guard who is sitting dozing in his small hut at the Hospital gates.

When we reach the wards which all opening out onto verandas, I stand at the large glass doors.

My mother is sitting up in bed waving at me. she looks so rosy cheeked and healthy. I wish with all my heart I could go in and have her fold her arms around me, but at seven years of age I understand the rules.

We have to be content with waving.

The women do a whip around each contributing sixpence, which is then handed out through a window to me.

I have never had so much money.

It only distracts slightly from the heaviness in my heart.

April 2020

I am missing my grandchildren terribly, especially the youngest.

I am missing the feeling of her warm little hand holding mine as we wander at a slow pace around the garden.

Slow, not because she is unsure on her feet, but because we have to check every new  bloom, every bud within reach, every scampering insect disturbed by our curiosity as we methodically lift and examine each stick and stone that crosses our path.

Each object is a wonder to her and worthy of examination. And her whispered ‘wow’ makes me realize how privileged I am to see things through the eyes of a child.

But now due to cocooning and social distancing I have not seen her for three weeks.

At last I can bear our separation no longer and decide I will come up and wave at her through the hedge.

I should have thought it through.

When she sees me she calls out ‘NANA’ in delight. At 20 months she can already run and comes at a fast trot across the lawn, her sturdy legs encased in her favorite yellow wellies.

But of course I can’t hug her and swing her up in the air as I used to do. I cant even risk  touching that little hand, not even for an instant.

At the two meter point, my daughter lifts her up to wave but she squirms and puts out her arms to me.

Realizing this meeting was a mistake we try to distract her.

‘Look! There’s your rake!’

Her attention is caught by the colorful toy gardening tool lying abandoned on the ground from my last visit when we had been clearing a patch of briers under the beech tree with the aim of hanging a swing there.

We hadn’t got far because in doing so we began to reveal large swathes of violets which had to be smelled and admired.

She turns her interest momentarily towards the abandoned rake and I slip away in tears.

But back to my story.  As those of you who have been following it will know, after buying a little Eriba caravan in the Netherlands at the end of February, I am unable to drive back over to pick it up as planned due to the corona pandemic which, is at this stage, sweeping across Europe. But thats not all! I have been sent home from work suspected of being positive for covid 19 myself. All seems very bleak in the saga of Baba the Eriba.

March 29th 2020

I’m sitting up in bed, nose running like a tap, surrounded by one thousand tissues when the text come through.

“Your Covid test will take place Monday 30th March. Please attend the center at 09.10”

At this stage I don’t care if I have the virus. The  possible loss of my caravan is all I can think of.

The test is uncomfortable. I grip the arms of the plastic chair and gag. (Gagging is a sign that they have hit the right spot)

‘Head back’ The nurse is so gowned, masked and goggled that her voice comes to me in a muffle.

Again I grip as she pushes the swab up my nose and into my brain.

‘Sanitize your hands on the way out’ she muffles.

I go home and get back into bed and am about to fall asleep when My phone ‘bings’.

It’s a text from the caravan salesman.

I scroll down his message eagerly.

A friend of his owns a haulage company and will be delivering farm machinery to Ireland. He is willing to add the caravan to the load. Am I interested?.

I’m wide awake now. I blow my nose enthusiastically and forgetting to wash my hands tap away on my phone.

“Of course! that would be WONDERFUL when?”

“I let you know”

I check my phone constantly for the next two days between bouts of sneezing and coughing.

The thought strikes me that if  I was negative going in for my test I could be positive coming out.

Hadn’t I grasped the arms of the chair with my bare hands? Maybe the individual ahead of me grasping the same arms was positive.

Just as my mind begins to run awry (Of course the chairs were disinfected between each victim! weren’t they?) My phone ‘bings’ I grab it excitedly.

But its just from the HSE

“Result of your covid 19 test: virus not detected”

‘That’s what you think’!

I end up waiting three more days before I get the only text that is important to me.

“It’s arranged. The haulier will keep you informed.”

Is that it? So STARK! No happy face or thumbs up emoji’s. No extra explanations!

Instead of jumping up and down in delight, I become anxious.

I have fully paid for the caravan.

What if I’m being naive by putting it into the hands of some unknown haulier. I have visions of it sitting in a compound amidst farm machinery, door open and a bunch of truckers sitting in it having tea and very crumbly biscuits. Its cushions covered in tea stains.

I quell the urge to ring the haulier and see what progress he has made.

Either the pandemic is having a strange soporific effect on me or else I am just exhausted from all this nose wiping but whichever the reason, I decide to sit back and let fate take its course.

Sure enough two days later I am rewarded by this photo.


followed by this one!


And finally on Friday morning I received a text announcing that the caravan is aboard the ferry in Rotterdam and should arrive in Dublin docks on Monday morning.

From there it will be off loaded from the truck at a depot beside Dublin airport.

Poor little Baba! All alone at sea. I hope she is not frightened.

I rush out to my car to check that the licence plate I had bought weeks ago is still in the boot and that the adapter for the electrics is in the glove compartment.

The petrol tank was full, I have recently checked the tires and oil.

I am all prepared to travel the 20 km and pick up my caravan on the Monday afternoon.

Friday night 1900hrs

My phone is ringing. Its my Older daughter

“Mom are you watching the news? We’re in lock down! Quick there’s an announcement”

There is indeed!

The handsome Leo Varadkar is standing at a podium.

I have missed the first bit of his speech but catch the next part.

“Absolutely no nonessential travel allowed, except for groceries and collecting medication or to check on elderly relatives living alone. You will be allowed out of your house to exercise but only for a distance of 2 km and during that time you must continue to practice social distancing.

“But my caravan?” I ask the serious face of my Taoiseach on the screen “Will I be allowed to collect my caravan?”

“The Garda will be out on the roads” continues the eloquent voice” stopping cars and checking if your journey is essential. if it is not you will be turned back and sent home! Remember! Only essential travel will be permitted.”

I sink down defeated in my chair.

So near and yet so far.

(Coming up next…The final episode! What will be the fate of this little caravan after her long travel from the Netherlands).





Wanted: Small caravan with room for a bicycle (It’s too darn late.)



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When I was a child, packed like a sardine with my siblings, in a car towing a caravan through the middle of nowhere, a small voice would pipe up ‘Its too darn late, Its too darn late! Oh afraid to go home cause its too darn late’ It was my youngest brother singing mournfully from the boot of our station wagon where he shared a makeshift seat with his brother (no seat belts back then). We would join in, one by one, chanting the words until we reached a crescendo at which point my father would roar “Be quiet, I need to concentrate on the road” There would be silence for a while before my brother would quietly start up again.

I can’t remember the rest of that popular fifty’s song or if we even had the correct words but that first line came to mind recently.

Friday 28th feb 08.30

 The road from Heeten to Hoogeveen is a single lane, and no passing is allowed.

The speed limit is 80 and everyone appears to be abiding to it. And even though the Friday morning traffic is heavy, it’s running smoothly.

I pass small lay-byes at regular intervals. These are marked with a tractor sign so I’m guessing that if you are stuck behind a slow moving vehicle don’t panic. It will pull into one of these and let the built up traffic by.

I note how at each set of traffic lights or roundabout, the single lane turns into a double lane for a few meters and thus impatient drivers can inch a few cars ahead.

And cleverly, to stop anyone cutting across you at roundabouts, there is a kerb separating the lanes. Once you choose your lane you have to stick to it.

Not being familiar with how many meters before the two lane merges back into a single lane, I play safe and don’t bother trying to pass the truck in front of me.

Besides I am not in a hurry.

Maybe it is my dawdling that allows me to make an unplanned turn right (instead of keeping straight for Hoogeveen and re-looking at the kip shelters as I had planned).

In the the show room at Dedemsvoort, the small Eriba caravan now stands polished and shining center stage.

It is hooked up to electricity and the curtains are open, giving me the opportunity to peek through the window at its pristine interior.

Yes, there are the dusky rose colored seats I dreamed I slept on and there is the warm honey colored veneer interior that made me feel so comforted and cocooned.

Was I getting the ‘that’s it’ feeling?

“Go ahead inside and have a look” The owner has stuck his head out of the office door.

“I’ll bring you a coffee”

I step inside and sit on the seating.

Closing my eyes, I sniff.

No smell of mold. No lingering aroma old cigarette smoke. No wet dog smell.

I lean back against the comfy cushions and dream I am somewhere by the sea in the west of Ireland with the rain beating on the roof and the kettle singing on the little hob.

My revere is broken when the owner hands me a tray through the door laden with a cup of coffee and milk and sugar on the side .

“I’ll take it” I say loudly.

Puzzled, he looks down at the tray which we are still both clinging to.

Realizing he has misunderstood me, I explain.

“Not the tray! I mean the caravan”

He releases his hold and I take a deep breath.

“I would like to buy this caravan please” I announce rather formally.

“Okay” He seems surprised by my quick decision. “Would you like me to show you all the features first? Make sure you are happy that everything is working correctly?”

“No” I smile “I’ll just have my coffee here and then I will come over and make the payment”.

When he is out of earshot I pull out my phone and text our family group chat.

‘I have just bought a caravan’ I type excitedly.

My phone rings.

It’s my older daughter.

“Congratulations Mom. Which one is it.

“It’s the little old Eriba” Suddenly I doubt my decision “Should I have gone for the Kip?”

“No! The Eriba is a great choice. It looks super” She reassures me, “We were rather worried about you getting the Kip and maybe blowing away in such an light caravan in one of those west of Ireland storms”.

I know we are both right.

The paperwork is straightforward. My bank card doesn’t let me down. We arrange the weekend of the 28th March as the date when I will drive back to collect it.

As I am leaving another customer comes in. I overhear the words ‘Corona’ and ‘Tilburg’.

But I am so excited with my purchase, It could have been beer they are talking about.

Saturday 29th feb 10:00 hrs

I have said goodbye to my airbnb host and to Nana, the cow.

I have successfully dropped the car back to schiphol without a scratch on it.

I notice a few people wearing surgical masks in the airport, but don’t pay much attention as I run down the stairs to the platform. There is a train to Amsterdam center leaving in three minutes.

With hours to spare before my flight, I decide to be a tourist.

I wander along Harlemstraat stepping out of the way of cyclists.  But I am not aimless. My destination is the Lindengrachtmarkt.

This authentic Saturday market has been running for about 120 years.

It is not my first visit to it and I know what I am looking for.

I make my way through the throng, passing stalls selling vegetables and tulips, cheeses and artisan foods until I find the one I am looking for. I join the queue and eventually it is my turn.

“En broodje harring alstublieft” I say and pass over my two euros.

I know people who eat sushi without a second thought, yet shudder at the idea of eating raw herring. But confined in a bread roll and dressed with onion and a pickled gherkin,  I think there is no nicer way of eating this delicacy.

I find a bench among the bicycles and enjoy every mouthful.


Now besides raw herring, there is another traditional dutch food I remember with fondness and my excuse, as I push my way into Cafe Papeneiland, is to find out if it still tastes as delicious as I remember.

The cafe is full to capacity, but I find a vacant seat at a communal table and order an ‘Apelgebaak met slagroom’ (Traditional dutch apple pie and cream) and a Koffie verkeerd (Coffee with a biscuit on the side).

The waiters are busy, the customers relaxed and chatting. Social distancing hasn’t been heard of yet so we squeeze together, elbow to elbow.

I intend to just eavesdrop but the two couples at my table are having none of it and we end up sharing stories.

They tell me of how, without fail, they come each Saturday to the market and end their day with a coffee in this cafe.

I tell them of my dream and my search to buy a little caravan.

“Have you many cases of the Corona virus in Ireland” They ask  me.

“Luckily none” I reply.

When every crumb of my apple pie has been consumed and my coffee cup is thoroughly drained, I gather up my bag and, bidding my new friends goodbye, I make my way back to the station and board the train to the airport.


Saturday 29th February 1900 hrs

The turbulence of the flight that evening, through storm Jorge, should have been a forewarning of what loomed ahead but having no idea as yet, I innocently joined in the relieved clapping as the aerlingus plane landed awkwardly on the tarmac of Dublin airport.

Happy to be alive, I smiled at the Hse staff sitting at a table in the baggage collection area, offering information on the virus.

Unknown to me the first corona victim in Ireland had landed sometime earlier.

Friday 7th March 0900 hrs

I am due back to work tomorrow.

After following the dutch news and seeing the numbers rise so quickly, I ring the HSE helpline to inform them I had been on a recent flight from the Netherlands and to inquire if it is safe for me to come into work.

I am told it is and so I do.

It is quiet in the hospital for a change. There is a strange air of expectation. We have a few empty beds as re configuring of patients is taking place in preparation for the worst.

My two thirteen hour shifts go smoothly.

During the week I read that numbers in both the Uk and the Netherlands are rising fast.

I begin to panic, wondering how high they will be by the end of march.

“Go over next weekend, while the going is good, don’t delay. It’s probably only going to get worse” My daughters advise.

So on Wednesday I work out a route that would have the least human contact and therefore the least chance of picking up the covid 19 virus (to give it its correct name).

By that evening I have booked my series of ferries starting on Sunday morning 15th march.

I planned on returning with my caravan in tow on Tuesday 17th.

It will be a tight schedule. A round trip of 2,480 km, completed in 60 hours. There could be no room for errors! No ferry delays, No flat tyres, no hiccups of any description.

The Hull to Rotterdam is an overnight trip each way, so I book a cabin for those journeys, taking care to request a single, outside one, on the top deck. Oh and most importantly, with no air con, thank you very much.

Thursday 12th March.

The department of foreign affairs has a travel app giving information on travel safety in every country in the world and updating it as changes occur.

I add the app to my phone and check it frequently.

The green dot signifies no restrictions on travel for the UK.

There is a green dot also for the Netherlands.

I breath a sigh of relief.

By Thursday evening, however, the green dot for the Netherlands has been replaced with a yellow one!

‘Proceed with caution!’

I can do that! I think to myself. I will pack sanitizing wipes, face masks masks and gloves. I will wipe every surface on those boats. I will hunker down in my cabin. I will wear a mask passing through public areas. I will be more than cautious. I will be on guard!

On Friday morning I check the app again and am relieved to see there is no change in the color of the dots.

With just forty eight hours until my departure. I might make it.

Saturday morning is a different story.

The green dot for the UK remains unchanged but the yellow one for the Netherlands has changed to orange.

‘Avoid nonessential travel’.

My heart sinks.

I check the HSE web site.

‘Health care workers are requested not to travel to Europe and staff who have recently come back from Europe are asked to self isolate for 14 days’.

I cannot justify the journey.

I was too darn late, (as my brother would say)

With a heavy heart I start the process of cancelling my ferries.

I ring my daughters. They sound relieved.

“We didn’t want to say anything, but you are making the right decision”

That night I wept over the loss of my dream.

The next day I ring my best friend. I want her to tell me that it’s awful. That it’s so unfair. That I don’t deserve it!

But instead She says “At least its safe. All is not lost. it’ll be there when this is over”.

“But I want my caravan NOW” I stamp my foot like a bold child. ‘

“Are you actually stamping your foot?” she laughs “anyway even if you had it, you can’t go anywhere in it”

I can’t explain why I want it so badly. The thought that I nearly but not quite had my dream place, my sanctuary.

On Sunday 15th march I ring the caravan owner and explain the situation.

“No worries, we will mind your little caravan. It will be safe here”

Saturday 21st March 06.30

Again my weekend for work has come around.

Feeling sorry for myself, I go in, determined to be miserable.

By 11 o clock I am genuinely miserable and can barely drag myself around.

My colleagues check my temperature. It is 38.1 centigrade

They give me a mask to don and send me home with instructions to ring my GP.

I climb into bed and sink down under the duvet shivering.

I  have obeyed every rule in the book and now I was a suspected covid case.

You just couldn’t make it up.


Bicycle parking outside Amsterdam train station










Wanted: Small caravan with room for a bicycle. (Part three).



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‘But mouse you are not alone

in proving foresight may be vain

the best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew

and leave us nothing but grief and pain for promised joy’

When Scottish poet, Robbie Burns turns up a mouse’s nest while ploughing a field (He was a farmers son after all) he wrote a poem to the mouse and thus makes famous, the line ‘the best laid schemes’.

That was back in 1785.

And ever since then, men and women’s best laid schemes still go askew.

But sometimes they go smoothly too.

27th feb 2020 08:30

The day I arrived in Amsterdam, the corona virus was far from my mind, instead I mulled over whether to take full cover on my car rental or chance the basic.

I chose the full.

I wanted no hiccups!

And as I joined the busy traffic out of Schiphol Airport, my shoulders relaxed and I smiled to myself.

So far nothing had gone askew.

I hadn’t missed my flight. The plane hadn’t crashed. I had remembered my drivers licence. It hadn’t been rejected.

On the contrary, holding it reverently between two beautifully embellished shellac nails, the receptionist at the Hertz car hire desk, tapped in my details in that now recognizable manner of one who has such things attached to their fingers. without once wrinkling her nose in distaste.

As she handed it carefully back to me, I reminded myself that I really must get more sticky tape to hold the folded pink paper document together.

My drivers licence is a bit of a curiosity.

The first time I showed it in public was many years ago on a family holiday in Portugal.

‘I’m putting you down as a named driver’ My Portuguese Son in law announced as we stood outside the car hire office in Porto airport surrounded by our baggage.

‘You might need to escape from us every now and again’.

I rummaged in my bag for the above mentioned document and gingerly handed it over.

He looked in disbelief between the much-mended-with-tape-piece-of-paper that was mine and the shiny plastic card that was his before trudging into the office without complaint.

But now, as the flat fields spread out on either side of the four lane motorway, I concentrated on where I was going, obeying the giant road signs.

Amsterdam to my left, Amstelveen to my right, On and on I went and then the four lanes changed into two.

Oh the pleasure of driving in a well behaved country!

No one hogged the outer lane. Drivers indicated and pulled in and out smoothly.

No one came up fast behind me with full lights on because I was overtaking too slowly for their liking.

It was so stress free that I was disappointed to reach my first port of call.

Sighing, I pulled into a parking space outside the caravan showroom in Lichtenvoord.

This was the first of three such places I had chosen to view and hopefully purchase the caravan of my choice from.

And, as I had planned to drive to the next showroom further north the following morning before finally heading even further north again to the kip caravan showrooms in Hoogeveen, I had chosen an airbnb equidistant to all places.

But things moved faster than I had anticipated.

Now I am not one of those people who hum and haw or do research or look at every nook and cranny before making a decision. I pride myself in being a ‘spontaneous’ buyer. My eye needs to be caught, my heart jolted, I need to get that ‘that’s it’ feeling (not a very reliable method when about to hand over a few thousand euro I hear you exclaim) and though the caravans here in Litchenvoord were excellent, none of them did that for me.

Or maybe it was just an excuse to drive again. Whatever the reason, I was on the road within the hour.

27th feb 2020 13;00 hrs

The flat dutch countryside has its beauty.

Clusters of farms here and there on the wide panorama. The odd windmill.

Wooden free standing gates at intervals indicate entry into the dyke enclosed fields.

Church spires marking out villages.

Small bicycled figures on the horizon lean into the wind. Women going shopping no doubt or bunches of children heading home from school.

Despite being a small country, the feeling of space is ever present, and coming from a place whose mountains constantly block my view, the openness here was a welcomed novelty.

By now I had reached my second destination in Dedemsvaart.

I wandered around another pristine showroom.


A tiny eriba puck that would test small ‘liv-ers’ to the limit caught my eye and I was tempted.


The pretty shaped teardrop T@G also caught my attention.

I was busy taken notes when the owner appeared bringing in yet another van.

Slightly bigger than the puck, the Eriba Familia measures 4 meters 83 cm in length and is just 2 meters wide.

I stop my note taking and walk  across to where he was unhitching the caravan.

‘Can I look inside?’

‘Its not cleaned yet, but sure, go ahead!

‘1996?’ I asked. I was beginning to be able to tell the age by the interior design.

‘1993’ he replied ‘It had its test in December ’19. I’ll have it ready later if you want to have a better look.

I checked the clock on the wall. I still had time to visit the kip caravan.

‘I’ll come back tomorrow I promised’


27th feb 2020 16:00

A trip to the kip showroom in Hoogeveen would change the mind of even the most reluctant caravanner.

I was so excited by it I forgot to take a photo so bear with me while I try to describe what I saw.

For a start all the caravans are laid out in ‘camping mode’.

They snuggle between false trees and mounds of sand.

Artful piles of cut logs are arranged in natural heaps and there is a camp fire in front of each ‘site’.

And to make it even more appealing, each caravan has an awning attached.

Not the flimsy lightweight type that crackles and snaps all night keeping you awake. But the heavy De waard canvas one. The strong and silent type.

With an hour to closing I scoot around, peeking inside and out.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, the kip shelter is the smallest of this brand of caravan and the lightest.

Its simple interior appeals to me. The wide door at the back, means I can easily wheel my bikes on board.

There are three types of kip shelters.

The basic and The plus. (There is also an off road with a higher axle)

And here is where it becomes complicated.

For me, the basic is too basic. It doesn’t even have a front window. I know I would feel claustrophobic in it.

The plus on the other hand, has many features!

A ‘lift in and out kitchen’ for example. (Unhitch the kitchen unit, lift it outside, reattach it to a rim at the back of the caravan and you can now cook al fresco. Wonderful if you are in the south of France or Spain or anywhere where it is sunny and windless, but I’m not sure of its practicality in the wild and windy and often rainy west of Ireland)

There are no curtains in this caravan. Instead handy pull up blinds help make the interior appear roomier. The small reading lights can be moved as needed along a tracking system fixed to the ceiling.

There are ample sockets and if I remember correctly a USB port

The Plus also has underfloor heating.

Now all this sounds tempting but I remind myself that staying on fully equipped caravan sites is not my plan.

I need advice.

I step into a dark blue ‘Plus’ edition and pull out my phone.

Inside the theme continues in a soft charcoal. A color that implies contemporary sophistication.

It feels clinical and clean but try as I might I can’t imagine feeling cozy in it.

I ring my daughters.

‘Austere is the word that comes to mind’ I tell them.

‘Would Nordic be a better description’? One daughter asks

‘Yes Nordic describes it’ I agree, feeling I have been unfair to the caravan.

‘Sounds minimilistic?’ suggests the other ‘which might be a good thing, all that sand dragged in and out, would be easy to keep clean. But how does it actually feel?’

‘Hmmmmm’ I reply ‘Its as light as a feather, I can easily push it myself’

‘Light as a feather doesn’t sound good to me’ There’s a pause ‘Like, will it blow over in a storm?’

That is a good question. Storms are very much part of our camping/caravaning experiences.

‘Maybe Go away and sleep on it’ My daughters advise.

So I do


Feb 27th 2020 20:00

My airbnb is perfect.

A shed (stuur) behind the old farm house has been converted into a self catering apartment complete with sitting room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom.

I follow the owner around the path to its door.

It is dark and she has wellies on. I feel at home already.

‘I have to bring Nana the cow in to her stall’ She lifts up a wellied foot as way of explanation. ‘She is pregnant and prefers to stay out in the field but I’ll tempt her with something nice’

Nana moo’s a greeting in the dim light. I can just make out her round shape and huge horns before she plods obediently into the stable and the smell of fresh hay fills the air.

I fall into my comfortable bed exhausted.

That night I dream of falling asleep in a small caravan listening to the sound of the wild sea and the rain drumming on the roof. Its interior has dusky rose colored cushions and an old fashioned wooden interior.

Not for one minute, while I slumbered peacefully, did I imagine the nightmare that lay ahead.


Nana’s meadow with the neighbor’s house in the back ground






WANTED: Small caravan with room for a bicycle (Part 2)



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Don’t count your chickens!

When I began my search for a small caravan at the beginning of February it was with the vague plan of living in it.

I believed I was capable of overcoming my hoarding instinct and being comfortable in a small space.

As I searched, my dream grew, but I was yet unaware of the looming dark cloud that might endanger my plan…….The Covid 19 virus. 


To buy a caravan with a limited budget means it will probably have to be, like myself, on the other side of twenty one.

So how do I ensure that it will not fall apart on the road or that the seller will not try to fool me by cunningly hiding leaks, damp, rust or maybe all three?

The answer is, I buy one from a country whose citizens take good care of their belongings and after been married to a dutch man for twenty years, I decide the Netherlands could well be that country.

I begin my search, spending my evenings scrolling through various websites.

Soon Speurders, Marketpltts and others automatically pop up on my screen and I peer longingly at photo’s of Eriba puck’s and pans, kip shelter’s and the tear drop shapes of the T@B.

There are lots to choose from, each different from the other except for one thing.

They are all very very tiny.


Now, as mentioned above, I am a bit of a hoarder.

An important consideration in my plan to live in a very small space.

And I also buy things, not because I need them, but because they catch my eye. My apartment is filled to the brim.  Baskets for my thriving house plants, a pretty enamel container for my paintbrushes, books, rugs, oh and of course bicycles.


I have inherited this hoarding gene from my parents.

Yes! We are ‘stuff’ gatherers.

Some stuff we collect is useful, some not so and some downright embarrassing.

March 1975.

It’s my first day of nurse training. No one knows me except for one girl who unfortunately (you will soon see why) lives on the road I grew up on.

As she didn’t attend the same school, I hoped I would escape her notice.

Here I was, starting my career with a bunch of strangers, so I had planned to shrug off any labels and start my new life with a fresh image.

The ‘new me’ would be glamorous and very conservative. (The exact opposite to the old me).

But no such luck.

‘Hi there. Aren’t you Gregory’s sister?’ The above mentioned girl approached me with a smile. 

I admitted I was.

‘He’s hilarious, always up to some mad antic’ She continued in a friendly manner ‘ Just the other day I saw him getting off the bus holding one of those plastic ‘porta potti’ thingy’s’

There was silence, a few of the ‘cooler’ girls gathered round.

I laughed (a loud false sounding laugh)

‘Surely not! Maybe it was some kind of box’

‘Nope’ She was adamant ‘It was a camping toilet and he had his arms wrapped tightly around it’.

‘Yuck ‘ One of the girls stared at me disdainfully.

Her friends giggled and wrinkled up their noses.

Red faced, I looked down at the floor.

The irony of their reaction was that first year nurse training, in those days, and bed pan washing went hand in hand.

Maybe they didn’t realize that yet, but they would soon find out.

However reassuring that thought, it was not much use to me now.

I watched them walk away as my new identity disappeared with them. 

‘I’ll never live it down’ I cried when I confronted my brother

But he just laughed.

‘I was at a car boot sale and I spotted it. It’s never been used. Mam was delighted with it. Come on! who cares what they think.’

I cared!  But I also had to admit it was a good buy. We had an old fashioned bucket affair.

‘You’re only mad because your camping days with us are over and you won’t get the benefit of it’ He teased.

It was true. Now that I had started my career those long summer holidays in the west of Ireland were over. I had to resign myself to a couple of weeks here and there at the hospitals discretion.

But returning to ‘Stuff’.

Yes, I have plenty of it

Sitting at my table, peering out in the winter gloom I note that on my balcony alone sits

  • three bicycles
  • four immense bamboos,
  • three over sized potted lavender plants
  • one large potted hydrangea
  • One maple tree, whose skeletal form stares at me accusingly (like a sheep who decides to lie down and die for reasons known only to itself, my Japanese maple has thrown in the towel. And even though I have nursed and cajoled it inside for long periods it soon became obvious that no amount of pampering was going to make it change it’s mind)

How will I fit all into my new tiny home?

But first things first!

I close the curtains and book a flight to Amsterdam.


Coming up next: Brodje harrings, Airbnb’s and Amsterdam.





WANTED: Small caravan with room for a bicycle (Part One)



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MAL-DE-PETITES- ROUTES. (more commonly known as ‘Small road sickness’ ) is a chronic ailment by which the sufferer is drawn to explore un-sign posted small roads and lanes (bohereens) usually with grass growing down the center. Research into its cause and treatment are ongoing. It is thought to be hereditary and to date no cure has been found. 

I started 2020 with a new thought.

Imagine if I were to buy a caravan.

After all, I am free every second weekend from work and childminding.

The spring is approaching,

The west is calling.

How lovely it would be to make good use of those days, exploring, writing, sketching, walking and of course cycling.

But a caravan is heavy and not so easy for a grandmother to unhitch and manouevre on her own!

There will be times I may even have to push it manually into place (I won’t always be parking on flat concreted pitches. ‘Wild ‘camping’ will be involved whenever possible).

Or what if I get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere? or get stuck on a narrow road? Or god forbid have to reverse when I discover the road I drive down is a dead end? (I am a sufferer of the dreaded ‘small road sickness’).

Plus I will need to store the yellow bicycle in it when in transit.

And am I forgetting I am psychologically scarred from childhood caravanning experiences?


It is 1966. I am ten years old.

My father has spread out a road map of Ireland on the table and, with a magnifying glass in one had and a pencil in the other, is pouring over it.

‘Aha!’ He shouts.

My mother hurries over from the sink where she has been drying the dishes and still clutching the tea towel, leans over his shoulder to look at the spot he is jabbing the pencil at.

‘See this small road here?’ My father doesn’t relinquish the magnifying glass so my mother has to squint.

”If we take it we could skirt around this side of the town and avoid the hill’.

The town he is talking about is Ballinasloe, and the hill on its main street is the bane of his life.

In fact it is the bane of all our lives and as it is the last main town we have to drive through before we feel truly in the west there is no avoiding it.

Each year, we children (six in total at this stage, two more would be added later) hold our breaths and lean forward, urging the car on and praying no tractor or herd of cows will wander out in front of our entourage and stall us .

If we get a clear run at the hill we will be fine but if we have to slow down for any of the above obstructions, the smell of burning clutch will fill the car, and my father, not the calmest of men at the best of times will issue a stream of curses, while my mother will hum softly to her self. (A thing she still does at the age of 88 when she is concentrating on something important).

However, one year the clutch did burn out and we were stranded in the town well known for its travelling people and horse fairs.

And even though we were seasoned caravanners ourselves, my father was uncomfortable. (though in hindsight this may have been due more to the fact that he hated towns and crowds than the worry of being mistaken for one of the travelling community).

Luckily the towns mechanic was able to replace the clutch for our Vauxhall estate but by the time he completed his task darkness had fallen so we spent the night parked in the yard of a convent. 

Since that episode, every year a week or two before we set out, my Father plans his strategies to avoid the ‘hill’ and every year he fails! (Last year we ended in the middle of a cattle market and only after much shouting (the farmers) and cursing (my father) we managed to unhitch and turn the caravan manually and escape humiliated and dung covered. 

Oh how my father would love the new bypass! 

Now while I am on the subject of childhood caravan trips would it bore you if I mentioned another factor which might impinge on my decision? 

Choice of good camping spots.

You see as children we had strong ideas of what constituted such a place, and we rated them according to the following factors.

Swathes of green grass leading to large stretches of beach which in turn lead to the ocean, were high on our list.

Add rocks for climbing and diving off, and rock pools for poking about in and we were in our element.

Our summers spent in such places spread from Donegal in the north to Kerry in the south.

In fact I would bet you 100 euros you could not name a beach along the wild Atlantic way that we had not camped on.

How my father found all these places at a time before google maps or shared digital information astounds me. 

Then, one year for reasons unknown only to himself, he decided we would set up camp at Corcomroe , a ruinous 13th century Cistercian abbey on the Burren in Co Clare)

We were fiercely disappointed at this sea lacking place but didn’t dare complain.

So we made the best of it, running over the limestone slabs, generously warmed by the sun and deliciously smooth under our bare feet.

We had competitions about who could leap across the widest flower filled chasms that the Burren is famous for. And eventually began to love this stony place as we roamed far and wide across its limestone fields.

We added it to our list of best places.

But the rating for this encampment rose even higher when we made a discovery in the old abbey graveyard.

It was evening and there was still an hour or two left of daylight. We were in the process of  jumping from tombstones to tombstone, (I know! I know! but we were unsupervised children) a process made even more challenging and therefore more fun than the limesone slabs.

‘Look over here’ One of my brothers was hunkered down peering at something.

We crowded around him. A large slab had been pushed aside and through the gap we could see far down into the dept of the grave.

As our eyes become accustomed to the dark interior we managed to make out some bones. One sister ,younger than me, squealed and backed off, but my eldest sister ,who would later study archaeology, looked with interest.

‘Its a dead monk’ She declared ‘I can see his skull’.

We continued to peer, shivering in delighted horror into the gloom but none of the rest of us could make out anything more sinister than a few bones.

‘I’m going in’ My eldest sister declared. sitting on the tombsone and swinging her legs down into the dark space.

But as she did my mother called us for bed and we had to defer our exploration plans till the following day

The next morning however my father announced that we are leaving.

He had been woken night after night by the sound of monks singing and it was driving him crazy.

We look at each other in disappointment but knew better than to argue with him.

Packing up the encampment was carried out with military precision and we each had our designated chores to make sure it runs smoothly, so my eldest sister got no opportunity to slip away and explore the grave.

Anyway she ruined it later by saying it wasn’t a human skull after all but that of a fox or sheep.

As I write this and with memories flooding back I become more determined to find a caravan suited to my needs.

Maybe I will spend some time retracing these magical childhood places.


(Missing my lovely turquoise camper and the travels we had and the places we made home)

Coming in the next episode: The Eriba, The Go-pod, The tear drop, The kip. (Weights, heights, measurements and costs.)



God is good but never dance in a small boat.(A paradox)



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2019 is coming to an end.

My Oncologist continues to  watch me like a hawk.

‘Lose some weight! You didn’t survive this only to end up with heart disease and /or diabetes’ (Actually he was a bit blunter than that).

‘What is your cholesterol level anyway?’ My friend Millie (Not her real name) and I are eating pavlova and drinking coffee at a small cafe near the hospital.

I’m eating this treat to celebrate my clear results. (Year 10 post groin dissection followed by a year of interferon treatment for a metastatic malignant melanoma)

Millie is eating it to keep me company, so I won’t feel guilty or greedy.

‘I haven’t a clue’ I shrug

‘Well what was it the last time you had it checked then?’ She persists.

For a brief moment I consider lying.

‘You’ve never had it checked have you?’ I meet her eyes reluctantly and shake my head.

Millie nods grimly. ‘I just KNEW it’

I better explain here that this is the same friend who feels responsible for helping me control what she considers my flaithulacht lifestyle. She would have no hesitation in inquiring what was in my bank account and advising me on how to save better.

‘Ok! I’ll go to the GP tomorrow’ I promise her.

‘What are you so afraid of ? needles?’ She is more gentle now.

I crunch noisily on a piece of meringue.

It no longer tastes so good.

‘I suppose’ I choose my words carefully ‘It’s because I feel so well, that the last thing I want to be told is I am not well at all. That in fact I have a this moment, 70 percent chance of having a stroke!’

She shrugs ‘ That’s understandable’

‘But there is something else’ I continue ‘While I don’t know what my cholesterol level is, I live in fear, presuming the worst. And so am careful to eat a healthy diet, cycle and walk lots. I’m afraid if I find out it is good, I’ll probably take to the couch with a bottle of wine and a large bag of crisps and a box of chocolate and not move for a few months’.

‘Now THAT Mindset I cannot fathom’ Millie shakes her head sadly and takes another sip of her coffee, which unlike my creamy frothy cappuccino is an americano… with no milk.

I note her pavlova is shoved half eaten to the side and think about pulling it towards me.

Millie reads my mind and pushes it out of my reach.

I go to my GP the next morning and am sent into the practice nurse to have my bloods taken.

‘I’ll ring you with the results on the Monday’

I lose four precious days worrying about the results. In fact I have mentally booked myself in for an Angioplasty and cardiac stenting.

On Monday I get the call.

‘How are you’ She asks cheerily.

‘I don’t know, you tell me ‘ I whisper

‘Well your bloods are fine. Your cholesterol is well within healthy limits”

‘And my blood sugar?’

‘It’s perfect’ She laughs.

And so

Tomorrow I will join my family for a Christmas feast and eat four roast potatoes and lots of that lovely glazed crackling from the ham I am presently slathering in honey and mustard, carefully studding it with cloves.

After all why waste a perfectly good cholesterol.

And I will ignore that small voice whispering into my ear

‘God is good but never dance in a small boat’.






Hen and Ink.



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I recently set up an Instagram page called Hen_and_ink.

It’s main purpose is to discipline myself to sketch on a daily basis, to put myself out there in the public eye which in turn will, I hope, help me to sell my work in order to earn some supplementary income.

1973 or thereabouts.

It is a month or two before Christmas. My mother and I are walking down Grafton street.

I am at an age when I find it embarrassing to be seen with her, not because she looks odd, but because she has that wonderful ability to talk to everyone, including an unshaven shabbily dressed elderly man on the bus whom everyone else is avoiding.

‘loneliness has to be the worst thing’  She announces as we step out onto the busy street. ‘Imagine! We may be the only person he talks to today. A kind word, an empathetic chat never cost anyone anything ‘

So you can understand the fact that I am the one helping her carry a large suitcase means I must have been the only daughter available that day and that this was a serious errand.

We spy my old elocution teacher walking up the street towards us and whereas I duck my head hoping she doesn’t recognize me, my mother, gregarious as ever, calls out a greeting.

I stand patiently while the two women hug each other as though long lost friends which I suppose they are, considering my mother has many daughters who attends the school where Mrs black (not her real name) teaches.

As they chat about mundane things I can see Mrs Black is distracted by the suitcase.

Maybe she thinks we are running away.

My mother also notices this and, to my horror, puts her out of her misery by laying the case on the pavement and opening it.

The samples of her work, which she is bringing to the liberty shop in the hopes of getting some orders, swell out of their confinement and she holds up a few of them for examination.

Mrs Black sighs, placing her hands dramatically against her chest.(she was my drama teacher after all!)

‘Exquisite’ she breaths, reaching forward and running her jeweled fingers over a Liberty cotton covered hanger with lace trim, and then a delicate cotton padded picture frame. but its the porcelain doll with handmade liberty frock that really woos her.

More items spill out onto the footpath.

Oh god! Could that be a satin cover for a toilet role?

I look on, feeling my cheeks redden with embarrassment, praying none of my friends will appear.

Then, before my mother has the chance to repack the case, a crowd gathers, peering over each others shoulders to get a better look.

‘How much is that?’ A woman demands pointing to a pretty tissue box cover. ‘

‘I’ll take one of those too’ Shouts someone from the back.

‘I would love that doll’ calls out another “I’ll give you twenty for it”

My mother could have sold the entire lot on the spot but instead she quickly pushes everything back into the case, zips it shut and straightens up again.

‘Well good luck May’ Mrs black hugs her again ‘your work is truly beautiful. That shop would be very silly not to place an order’.

And she floats off in a cloud of Chanel perfume while the disappointed crowd disperse.

We continue our way turning left into the Westbury center to the liberty shop and where the manager does indeed place a large order.

‘Lets celebrate with a coffee and bun in Bewleys’ My mother is smiling with relief.


The reason I tell this tale is, that back then, my dad had to retire early due to ill health and had not made any financial provision for such an event.

An artist herself, my mother was forced into producing work at a time when she was still raising children and running a busy household. Somehow she managed and as her work was extremely skilled and worth buying she tided the family over financially for the necessary length of time.

Yesterday I told her about my planned Etsy shop and my recent Instagram page, explaining how they worked.

‘It would have been so much easier for you to sell your stuff today’

My Mother at 87 took the concept of eCommerce in her stride. (Her heart may be failing but her brain is not.)

‘It might be easier’ she replied laughing ‘but not as much fun’.

She began to recall the suitcase incidence

‘Do you remember meeting Mrs black?’ she whispered conspiratorially ‘I think she thought we were running away’.

‘You thought that too?’ I asked in surprise.

‘Of course I did! That’s why I opened the suitcase. I wanted to show her that it didn’t contain a change of underwear for us and two toothbrushes’ She smiled ‘but it got a bit out of hand and I felt embarrassed at the attention it drew’.

‘Gosh remember that tiny woman who almost pushed you over trying to get the toilet roll cover?” she continued

‘Yes’ I laughed ‘She accused me of jumping the queue when all I was doing was trying to hide it in case any of my friends were passing! My mother selling toilet roll covers on Grafton street? I’d never have lived that one down!’

‘So’ she asked ‘this shop! have you started it yet?’.

‘Not yet, I’m just so busy at the moment’

She widened her eyes at me.

‘OK’ I laughed ‘I started out with good intention, drawing every day but then this story about three hens who had escaped from a battery farm took form and diverted my attention away from the shop’

My Mother sighed ‘I understand! sometimes you need to be in dire straits to be forced to produce work seriously. There is a lovely luxury to creating when you don’t actually have to make money from it’

With that she began rooting in a bag hanging from the arm of her chair.

She pulled out some wool. ‘I have this idea’ she said ‘I want to design a huge pair of knitting needles.

And there it was! Even when her arthritic hands wouldn’t allow her to hold ordinary knitting needles she had an idea how to overcome it.

My mother’s creativity would be the last thing to leave her.

As for my Etsy shop?

Nope.. its not started yet!

You see, I am busy doing a new pen and ink story…My brother is up in the chestnut tree, searching for two straight branches. When he finds them he will fashion them into a gigantic pair of knitting needles for my mother….







Two Invitations (And a Table For Two)



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Far out beyond the green island of rough stone, white horses fill the bay.

Riding home on the stormy sea, urged on by Neptune, they throw 

brown seaweed and colored shells up on the white sand

disrupting my easy path.

Now gingerly I must pick my way across the dark slipperiness

and over the pinpoint sharpness to the waters edge for my morning swim.

A wave spreads out, veil-like. 

A more finely worked piece of lace I have yet to lay eyes on at any Portuguese market stall.

(I half expect its maker to appear across the sand and state her price) .

l stoop to admire it, strewn carelessly across my feet, before it is sucked back to sea in tatters 

And when at last I find my depth and dip my tired body in, I swear the mermaids comfort and cajole me back to health. 

I count the days when I can return.


Invitation number one

My sister sent me an invitation to visit her on Inis Bofin, where she is spending her 40th wedding anniversary.

It coincided with my visit to my own Tir na nOg.

I was torn!  Especially as I knew that Yvonne Cullen was running a weeks creative writing course on the island at that time.

And even though the application date was over and all the places were surely filled, I thought I might hang out and eavesdrop or meet some fellow writers walking or cycling the island.

I’m sure they would have been easily recognizable.

After some consideration, the weather made my decision for me as it took a turn for the worst.

Fierce gales blowing in from the north west, whipped up the sea and caused the hardy cows and Connemara ponies to take shelter among the outcrops of rock.

I was concerned that the ferry would be unreliable in such winds (I might get over, with no guarantee of return).

So I stayed put and, despite the turn in the weather, continued my morning swims on the second beach and my long barefoot walk by the place of the hare.


My reading for the week included J M Synges .Travels in Wicklow ,West kerry and Connaught.

(A book written in 1905 and illustrated by Jack B Years who traveled with Synge at the time.)

Sheltering from a sudden shower in the lea of the bank, I recalled Jack B Yeats’s account of how, when they were travelling beyond Erris in County Mayo and got caught in a sudden deluge, Synge suggested they sit among the sand banks and cover themselves with sand to try and keep the rain off.

I thought I might do the same but had only covered as far as my ankles when the sun burst out again and I got up and wandered on.

The second Invitation


Easkey is a small village in west Co Sligo

A haven for surfers brought there, not by the weather, but the wondrous swells.

And now another invite has come my way!

From the same sister.

Easkey is holding its first street festival!

Would I be interested in entering its table for two competition?

With no need to worry about ferry crossings and still kicking myself for not risking the trip to Bofin (I heard later that I missed a great seisún there on the Saturday night)  I readily accepted.

My initial idea of a camping table (in keeping with my love of that lifestyle) gets quickly thrown aside as my daughter appears with two pristine white wooden chairs and a blue and white table cloth, pointing out that, seeming to support the use of  plastic might not win me a prize in the present times.

I explain my plastic picnic ware is recycled but she is not listening.

Instead she is getting into the swing of it and before my eyes my Portuguese ‘no need to feel blue at my table for two‘ starts to take shape and I go home to gather all my blue and white kitchen pieces.



If I’m going with a Portuguese theme, besides some Fado music, Olive Oil, Olives and Meia de Leite, I must have Pasteis de natas.

Those wonderful custard tarts, traditionally coming from Belém, a small town west of Lisbon (I would recommend anyone wanting to taste the ‘real thing’ and/or interested in the origin of these delights to visit the bakery/Cafe there) need to be freshly made on the day and also easily picked up on my route.

I eventually track a suitable source and the Lady packing 12 into a box, when she hears what they are for, only charges me for ten.

‘On condition you take a photo of your table’ she demands ‘I’d love to see it’.

So I take many photo’s of this wonderful, color-filled, food-filled, music-filled,people-filled day.

And now, without further ado,

I invite you to take a seat and enjoy the view,

from my ‘Portuguese table for two’








But look! What is this?


‘Obrigada Easkey’ for a great day.





By-the-wind-bathing (Things to do that you may not have already considered)



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Would you like to do something that doesn’t cost anything, will make you feel good, doesn’t need any specific equipment and can be practiced in most outdoor spaces?

You would?

Then come with me and lets go Wind Bathing.

The recent weather on the east coast of Ireland has been glorious, with little or no rain and absolutely no wind.

People are out walking, running, cycling.

Cars filled with children, dogs, picnics are heading to the beaches.

In the evening the smell of bar-b-ques fill the air.

We have exchanged our usual jumpers for shorts and t shirts.

I note that commuters heading for the train no longer carry that ‘just in case ‘ umbrella

There is not a waterproof jacket in sight.

Everyone seems to be flourishing in these sunny conditions.

Except a few.

Or maybe one….


You see, I thrive on windy conditions, the stormier the better.

And this summer I am grieving the lack of them.

At night I plug in my fan and, placing it by my bed, fill my sleep with dreams of wild Atlantic storms.

But its not enough and I am declining grubbily.

I desperately need a wind bath

(Before you label me as a nutcase may I remind you that Roosevelt Franklin was also a fan of this activity).20190721_081241

Its early morning.

I am sitting at my table writing when I first hear it.

Cocking my ear in the direction of the open patio door, I listen more intently.

There it is again.

A faint rustling sound

I try not to get my hopes up and put my head down concentrating on my story.


rustle, rustle

It’s louder now.

Unable to resist, I lean sideways on my chair and take a peek outside.

My bamboo leaves are all aflutter, quivering the way bamboo leaves do when stirred by breezes.

And looking over the valley, I see the clouds skidding drunkenly across the face of Sugar loaf.

At last!

Without stopping to close my laptop and barely taking time to lock the door, I am gone.

But where?

To the place of WIND of course.


Carnsore point was a quiet coastal spot on the southeast tip of Ireland until 1978 when it came to the attention of the country.

Yes! The Irish Government of the time, (Fianna fáil) decided it would be a good idea to plonk a nuclear power plant there.

All hell broke loose.

Carnsore point was woken from its gentle sleepy backwater as the good people of Ireland descended upon it and colored its flowery meadows with tents and vans.

And as the stage was being set up and the guitars and drums and microphones produced, people opened their mouths and sang out together in fury against Nuclear war and nuclear power and nuclear energy along the marran grassed cliffs of windy Carnsore point.

And so many people arrived that it was felt that Ireland would begin to upend into the sea. But the people weren’t afraid of that. They knew the gods of wind and sea and land were on their side and eventually with the help of that wind, their voices reached Dublin and the government (who seemed a bit hard of hearing for it took three years) finally got the message.

The idea was dropped like a lead balloon.

As I cycle my new bicycle in search of my wind bathing spot I remind myself how this area with its tapestry of hedge-rowed boiríns could have told a different story.


Now sometimes what you are good at can be your demise.

And because Carnsore is a windy place, I am going to have to share its space.with….

Wind turbines.

You may love them or hate them or maybe have no thoughts about them but they are here in this place of wind.

Having been one of those who joined in the demonstrations and sang as loud as she could, I’m just grateful that it is one these I lean my bicycle against.

The alternative would be unthinkable (or even impossible)


But I have two tricky obstacles before I can get to my bathing place and just as the yellow bicycle never gave up so the blue bike must learn my ways and we manage by sheer determination and strength, sustaining an electric shock (me) and scratches to paintwork (my new bicycle).

But at last we plunge through the knee high flowers towards the spot where I camped all those years ago.


And at last I am standing on a ledge looking out to sea, feeling the wind fritter my hair.



A young couple appear around the headland and stand near me also looking out to sea.

I feel shy and decide to wait till they have gone before I start my ablutions.

In the water just off some rocks, a seal pops up its head and looks in our direction.

Seeing it, the couple turn to me smiling, their voices are pulled away by the wind but I know what they are saying.

‘Look! a seal’

I nod and smile and think how this is the basis of human nature.

To acknowledge a stranger and share an experience with her.

‘What a beautiful wild place, wasn’t it grand to see the seal’

They are passing me now but stop to make their remark.

I, in turn, ask them if they had heard of the planned power site and the rallies and demonstrations all those years ago.

They shake their heads in disbelief

‘Here? you are joking!’

‘forty one years ago. fair play’

The boy shakes his head in disbelief once more before they walk on, following the Wexford coastal path in the direction of Kilmore Quay, through the meadows of flowers on one side and the swaying Marran grass-growing-cliffs on the other.

when at last they are out of sight, I stand and, facing the wind coming in from the ocean, lift my arms in readiness.


How to wind bathe

  • Find your spot.

(Beside the sea, by a lake, beside a river, on a hill top. It doesn’t matter as long as there is a breeze.)

  • Stand with arms aloft.
  • Face into the wind.
  • Let it wash over you.


20190626_142333 Next week I will be wind bathing here.



‘The second clutch killed the old hen’. Questioning Seanfhocal (Old Irish sayings.)



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After reading my last piece She’s a Super Duper Granny (Life in the fast Lane) a friend (with no grandchildren) mentioned that HER mother swore she would never look after her grandchildren, quoting the old Irish saying above

It made me think.

Was I more involved with my own grandchildren than was good for me?

I decided to do some simple research on the matter.

I would look at the ‘old hens’ I knew who had grandchildren and see how their long levity was effected, and study one example.

My mother is 87.

An old hen by any standards.

And an excellent subject for my research, for not only has she survived her second clutch (all sixteen of them) but she is now on her third one of nine.

And it hasn’t killed her.

In fact I do believe it is what is keeping her alive.

Of course the triple bypass she had many years ago might also have something to do with the fact she is still with us, but only marginally.

She has been quite non compliant with her physio and her medications since that surgery especially her diuretics.

The downside of this is, every now and again she slips into heart failure and is shipped off to the local hospital to be treated.

The upside is, these annual trips give us a chance to sort out her belongings and in doing so I find the proof I’m looking for. i.e Her grandchildren and great grandchildren are very much part of her life.

We are mostly, with the exception of two or three, a family of procrastinators and ditherers. Doing things quickly doesn’t come natural to us. We like to talk about it in much detail first. So she has already been in hospital a week before one of us suggests that this is our chance. Luckily her length of stay is approximately two weeks.

I have a good excuse, having been busy producing for an art exhibition (see previous post), and coming from a creative family, this is a perfectly acceptable one.

I should mention here that my mother is an artist.

A creator, a dress maker, painter, knitter.

She can turn her hand to anything and she encourages her grandchildren and great grandchildren to do so too, as she once encouraged all of us.

It delights her to have a project on hand.

Most of the time.

‘What will I knit for you James?’

James lives in the west of Ireland and is the 9th grandson and is up on a visit. He is mesmerized by her flying fingers as she shows him how a ball of wool and a pair of needles, can produce any item desired

‘Can you knit ANYTHING Granny?’

She smiles and nods.

He thinks deeply for a moment

‘Can you knit me a cow?’

My mother doesn’t blink an eye!

‘One cow coming up’ she replies whilst rooting in her bag of wool and pulling out a ball of black and a ball of white. ‘but it will take a few days of knitting’ she warns, knowing how impatient a child can be.

The days go by.  James is back on his small farm in the west.

He regularly rings granny for updates.

‘How is my cow coming along?’

Granny sighs (she is having trouble with the udders)

‘Nearly there James’.

‘Can’t you knit faster’

‘I’m trying James’

‘Well try harder Granny’ (Did I mention he was five at the time).


‘Have you dusted /swept /vacuumed behind those bags Greg?’

We are in ‘THE PROCESS’

‘No’ My brother shakes his head ‘I didn’t think they needed checking, they’re just her sowing/knitting /paper craft stuff.

His answer is enough to make me lean past him .

I haul out the bags which lie under a book shelf groaning with the weight of books on (you’ve guessed it) sowing, knitting, origami, bonsai, art history, patchwork and other crafts.

Ignoring for the moment the fact that the books need a good dusting I peer into the first bag.

Its full of old newspapers.

Pulling out a page, I am faced with the face of my other brother, complete with hard hat on some building project.

I stuff it back in and without checking the further contents, throw the whole bag into a bin bag.

The second bag is full of colored cardboard, glue and a scissors.

I put that to the side for the moment.

The third is full of balls of wool.

Or was,

As soon as I pick up the bag, the balls fall out through a hole in the bottom and roll along the floor, leaving a trail of suspicious black dots in their wake.


My youngest sister appears. She is busy working on a commission and has been excused from the clean up.

‘They are not mice droppings, they are Nigella seeds!’

My mothers terrace is noisy and busy with fluttering’s of gold crests, fire crests, chaffinches and bull finches landing excitedly on the five bird feeders hanging from various trees and shrubs and filled with tiny black oblong seeds.

and these seeds get dragged in on peoples feet.

‘Nope’ I shake my head ‘Can’t blame the bird seed’

I proffer the bag to her. She peers in at the shredded paper pattern and suspicious black dots entangled in the cozy wool nest.

In the end we throw out five black bags of rubbish and lay two mice traps

We put three untouched balls  and needles in another bag.

She won’t notice the missing wool because it won’t be long before someone doing their own clear out will arrive with more. ‘Mrs Peppard loves to knit’.

You see, we are often at the receiving end of someone else’s rubbish and for some reason we are unable to refuse it.

‘I read an article recently on making an interesting fence using old bicycle wheels’ my brother is examining a couple of rusty looking old bikes lying on the driveway that weren’t there last week. I have to bite my tongue, only the week before the bicycles appeared, he accepted a pile of old timber from someone with the excuse that it would make a good fence.

Once someone even  tried to pawn a goat off on us. It had been found wandering around the alter of our local church

So there you have it

The Old Hen aka my mom, is home.

The great grandchildren are already out to visit her.

‘Will you knit me a telephone?’ asks Simon (aged seven). ‘An old fashioned one?’ He has been rooting in a bag and found a magazine with a photo of an antique phone on the front of it and is waving it in front of her face.

I lean over my mothers shoulder to read the title of the magazine. ‘Antique trader’ and note the date (1990). How did I miss that magazine in the throw out.

Mom is already reaching into her newly filled bag of wool.

‘What color’? She inquires without raising an eyebrow.

But I know she is thinking the dial will be tricky.





On longings and dreaming (The amazing art of visualization).



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If you don’t get something you want in life, don’t despair! You can always dream it. I think the modern word is visualization and I am a dab hand at it. 

I have two lives.

My real life and my dreaming one!

And I can move between the two without much effort.


Many years ago, in the days of the white bicycle (which now leans in a dilapidated manner against the workhouse wall) I met an old man with whom I discussed my dream of owning a small cottage in the west of Ireland.

For years the sight of these simple buildings, with their three windows, off centered door and rain flow enabling steep roof pitch, maybe a sheltering tree, a cozy encompassing stone wall, a river, lake or sea location, and always that small vegetable patch have filled me with the yearning to make one my home).


But our conversation had originally started out about something completely different.

Something tasty and crumbly whose pronunciation is often disputed.

Scones or Scones!. (How do you pronounce yours?)

‘Do you pronounce it rhyming with ‘gone’ or with ‘cone’? I asked him (He was from west Cork and my love of that undulating accent caused me to spend more time at his bedside than I could afford to. (Plus, despite having no appetite, his eyes lit up when the daily scone arrived on his bed table and with all those ‘drips’ in his hands, he needed help buttering it)

‘With ‘cone’. He replied. ‘But because I don’t know which is the correct pronunciation’ he paused for effect ‘I’ll have one of each!’

I smiled at his wit as I cut  the object of our attention in two and put some butter and a jam on each side before pouring his cup of coffee (a substance he was addicted to!)

‘Do you like a scone yourself?’ He inquired.

I nodded  ‘Who doesn’t ?’

‘With cream and jam or butter and jam?’ He persisted.

‘With cream’ I didn’t hesitate ‘But the jam depends on whether they are plain or fruit’.

‘I would never put jam on a fruit scone’ He announced stoutly’ ‘Two such opposing sweetness’s would cause confusion of the palate’

I nodded my head in agreement ‘Its as bad as sprinkling chocolate on a cappuccino’

He raised his eyebrows in mock horror. ‘Chocolate on a cappuccino?  A veritable sin’  He agreed and we smiled at each other, kindred spirits in the art of eating scones and drinking coffee.

‘What do you be talking to him about?’ my colleagues asked curiously. ‘You were in his room for ages’.

‘Oh this and that’ I replied guiltily knowing I had now so much work to catch up on.

But we did discuss more serious things.

His pain level, his concerns….

He always replied that he had none of the above even though I didn’t quite believe him.

His prognosis wasn’t good.

‘A good scone is the cure for all ills so’ I would say jokingly.

One day when we were discussing the simple joy of growing a vegetable garden, I admitted my dream to him.

That small cottage in the west.

‘Well ‘ He said ‘If you really want it, just close your eyes and open your heart, and visualize it.’

He sounded so confident.

I did as he suggested but halfheartedly.  I knew I also needed other elements like money and time.

Later it occurred to me that maybe he meant to dream about it would be enough but I never got a chance to ask him.

A few days after our conversation I was whisked away for my own scans, biopsies, surgery and treatment and the thought of that cottage no longer become a priority.

Everyone has their dreaming place.


(My favorite dreaming place)

If you believe in a dreaming life you will know that, to maintain it, you have to nourish it. and to nourish it you have to visit it.

Visualization is an interesting practice.

I have recently become more familiar with it as part of my twenty minute morning meditation, which I started in the New Year.

The App I use suggested it might be difficult but maybe due to those years of creating the scene of my dream cottage in the west I find it easy.

I also cheat a bit.

When I visualize filling myself with sunlight, which streams down through the top of my head and starts filling my body slowly from my toes up, I am not doing it before work on my chair at home but have transported myself to my little house in the west and am sitting at the doorway in the sunlight. I visualize it so well that when the session is over I am surprised to find myself in my small apartment on the other side of the country.

And with this accurate visualization comes a longing to head west. (This longing usually becomes most intense at the time the first leaves of the hawthorn appear).

And I note that if I don’t fill that longing by the time the haw is in bloom I go frantic.

This brings its own problems.

Last year I woke one morning and not being able to bear it any longer decided to go on the spur of the moment.

After heaving my bicycle into my car and throwing in some ‘bits and pieces’ I drove out of Dublin like a lunatic.

Clutching the steering wheel grimly, I leaned forward, nose almost on the windscreen as if that would get me there faster.

When my car began to protest with squeaks and other unfamiliar noises I just turned up the radio louder ( A handy trick I learnt from a friend)

As I neared the turn off for Clare, I noticed a car in my mirror gaining on me.

A like-minded person following their dream?.

I grinned manically, urging my old car forward.

When he finally decided to put on the siren and pull me in, I cried bitter tears leaning my head on the steering wheel.

It wasn’t the thought of the three penalty points that made me weep but the fact that this was delaying me from getting to my destination.

As if he read my mind he took forever to wander around my car checking my tires, tax and insurance.

‘Are you the owner of this car ma’am’?

‘yes yes yes’.

‘Do you realize what speed you were doing?’.

When I didn’t lift my head from its position on the wheel he poked a camera in through the window to show me I was doing 110 in 100 km zone.

‘I wasn’t even supposed to be on this road today’ I moaned sadly.

He ignored my illogical statement.

‘Can I see your licence Ma’am?’

When he eventually let me go I nearly drove over his toes in my haste to make up for lost time.

But I did drive in a more sedate manner the rest of the way

And it was worth those three penalty points to be here in the west standing outside a cottage even if i didn’t own it and the roof was falling in.


One of the many cottages I put my ‘dreaming’ eye on













What would the wise woman say? (Writing out the inner critic and becoming mindful)



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I am very lucky

I have a wise woman living in my head.

I had no idea she was there until recently, but better late than never.

I do hope she understands what she is taking on and won’t have second thoughts when she realizes the content of my anxious beleaguered befuddled mind.

Already I have called on her three times and it is only seven am.

Twice her answers have made me laugh (at myself).

In fact as I listened to her answers I wondered why I didn’t think of the solution.

‘What would the wise woman say?’ Has become my mantra. 



Once upon a time there was a woman who couldn’t make up her mind.

When she bought a red pair of shoes she wished she had chosen the blue.

Until she spotted a green pair.

When it came to dresses her dilemma was even worse, for now it was not only color she had to decide on, but patterns as well.

Plain or flowery, stripes or squares!

Oh and then the type of fabric.

linen or silk or cotton or wool?

She blamed the designers for giving her so much choice when really it was her own dithering mind.

A mind that was like the warbling of the mountain stream.

Her thoughts rampaging like midges in summer, stinging and biting her addled head. (Though who could blame her. A human being has on average 40,000 thoughts going through their brains per day)

When it came to work she was at her worst.

If it was crazily busy, as it usually was, she would cry and stamp her foot and whisper to those who would listen (she would have liked to shout but as a nurse in a busy hospital she knew her boundaries) ‘That’s it! I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore! I am too old! I have had cancer myself! It isn’t fair. I am leaving this minute!

If it was less busy she would whisper (to those who hadn’t a chance to back away in time and were expecting another rant) ‘This is do-able. It’s not so bad! I’m a good nurse. I’ll stick it out’.

On her days off , she sat at her window, sipping her morning coffee, admiring the sunny scene out side and trying to decide how best to spend her precious day.

A cycle through the woods?  no maybe by the sea would be better? or should she leave her bike at home and climb a mountain instead?

And sometimes the whole day would pass and she would be so undecided that she would end up going nowhere.

Her friends were beginning to find her tedious

‘You need a therapist’ They said

So she looked for a good therapist but she soon became even more anxious.

Should she choose this one or that one?

The older one with the impressive initials after her name or would the younger one be more up to date?

Did she need mindfulness or cognitive behavioral therapy or even medication?

‘I have decided I am even more indecisive then ever’ she cried to her friends who she found were getting few and far between.

But really that wasn’t so.

It was because when they suggested meeting for a coffee or a drink she couldn’t decide what to wear, how to get there, whether to wash her hair or not first and by the time she got to the appointed place they were gone home.

‘You need to get away for a few days’ one of her friends advised her ‘Go somewhere calming and recharge your batteries’.

So she pulled out her map but of course …..couldn’t decide where.

North, south east or west?

‘Oh for goodness sake’ One friend grabbed the map and closing her eyes jabbed her finger on it.

‘There’ She said.

The woman looked.

Her friends finger had landed on the Burren in Co Clare.

‘And look’ said her friend ‘at that track’. the woman peered at small black dots ‘ see how it meanders through a valley? that might be a lovely walk to do.

And that is how she found herself, one fine day in mid spring, down a small boirin, her way blocked by a large gate.

She could see the boirin continuing on for a few meters passed the gate before turning into a single track and disappearing  around a bend.

Her map (A precious black and white one by Tim Robinson) hadn’t shown this obstacle which judging from the lumps of earth beside each pillar was new.

The gate itself sported a large lock.

‘Sure its just a gate’ a quiet voice in her head said ‘you can climb over it.’

But she didn’t hear the voice (as usual her brain was full with her 40,000 thoughts) and she stood trying to decide whether to climb it or turn back.

Suddenly a gust blew her scarf out of the front basket and it floated over the metal bars and down the track only to tangle itself on a hawthorn bush.

Cursing she leaned her bike against the pillar and climbing quickly, scrambled over the gate and ran down the boirin to retrieve it.

But just as she reached for her precious scarf, another sudden gust lifted it off the tree and high into the air.

Again she ran after it, stumbling along a track that was unevenly pitted by the hooves of cows

If she had looked up she would have noted that she was going deeper and deeper into the valley.

Its steep sided cliffs dotted with wind-bent hawthorn trees and its rugged rocks leaning out to look down at her.

but she was too busy trying to catch her scarf to note the beauty of the place.

Then, at one point it rose up the cliff face and as she followed it with her eye, her gaze caught a particularly large outcrop.

She stopped.

‘You look as though you are eating your young’ She shouted out loud in horror.

Young young young……

The cliffs echoed her mockingly.

But she had no time to be alarmed,

On blew the scarf.

On ran the woman.

Every time she thought she had caught up with it, it blew further on until eventually her way was barred by a hazel wood.

She watched helplessly as up rose her scarf high over the trees and vanished.

Scanning the woods she spotted a gap.

Breathless now and red faced, she squeezed through, stumbling into a small stream.

Hardly noticing her wet sandals, she pushed her way through the heavy dark undergrowth, following the small path made by some animal.

Light appeared through the hazel.

Squeezing through the last stand of saplings, she found herself out on a huge stone platform.

Far below lay the sea. Blue against the cerulean sky.


Becoming Mindful.

Making her way easily across the flat stones, she climbed a small wall and stood looking around. She was on another flat ‘stage’ and ahead of her lay more stone.

Stone as far as the eye could see.

and no sign of her scarf.

Then, either because she was exhausted at this stage  or maybe because the gentle breeze seemed to be soothing her, she realized she no longer cared about finding it.

Instead step by step, she began to pay proper heed to her surroundings and to the action of putting of one foot in front of the other.

She became aware of her wet soggy sandals.

Slipping them off she laid them on a flat stone in the sun to dry out.

As she did, she noticed the softness and warmth and smooth undulations of the stone, its surface worked by the winds.

She noted the small Burnett roses, wild geraniums, Mountain Avens, orchids, all peeping up from out of the crevices which had been formed by the action of rain.

She became aware of the loveliness of walking in bare feet on the sun warmed surface and began to make her way across the wide stage. Sometimes she was forced to leap when a crevice was to wide to step across but it caused no discomfort to her bare feet.

At one point she paused, listening intently.

Ah! there it was again.

The call of the cuckoo.

Clear as a bell.

Echoing and bouncing against the cliff face.

Cuc…koo Cuc….koo

She sat on a stone and listened.

and listened…..

And as she did, all the churning thoughts began to fall away, dropping out of her befuddled brain one by one, until she was only left with the clear cut sound

cuckoo cuckoo

Reminding her of a Buddhist bell a friend had once given her.

Sharp initially, then growing softer.

Fading until all that was left was the fullness of silence

And she teetered on that silence like the curl of a wave before it broke, until it came again

Cuckoo Cuckoo

How long she sat there she had no idea!

But it occurred to her that in doing so little, in just sitting, listening, she was gaining so much.

Her shoulders relaxed.

Her mind empty of befuddlement.

Eventually the cuckoo stopped

She stood and looked around

The sun was lower, the stone wall throwing a long shadow as she re-climbed it, slowly and calmly retracing her steps.

She paused as she reached the huge child eating rock.

It didn’t look as though it was eating its young after all, but instead as though it was kissing it tenderly.

As she stood looking up at the outcrop realizing her mistake, She heard a gentle voice in her head

‘How you perceive things often depends on which direction you choose to look at them from’.



Post script; For the sake of my story I have exaggerated my indecisiveness which the wise woman reminds me may not be a clever thing to do.

You see the mind is wily and loves the inner critic so as I wrote and corrected spellings and changed sentences and reread and got more and more bogged down in my story, I was fueling it (my inner critic) So that’s my excuse for not I rechecking any last mistakes.


My calming place











A day in the life of my inner critic. (Streaming, self love and other struggles)



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One day my eldest daughter and I were discussing an old film that I loved (The Sting).

We were sitting in her living room. I was facing her, describing the film, She was fiddling with her phone.

Suddenly my attention was caught by the large TV which had been playing classical music in the background. It was now starting to show the very movie I was talking about.

My mouth fell open. I turned back to my daughter in amazement.

‘Look!’ Almost shouting in my excitement, pointing at the screen. ‘That’s the film! What a coincidence! How extraordinary!’ I shook my head in disbelief.

It was my daughters turn to look disbelievingly. 

‘Mom’ She sighed patiently ‘That’s me. I’m STREAMING it from my phone’.

Streaming? I looked from her to her phone to the TV in total confusion.

I jumped from a generation of posting letters and talking on telephones that were wired to the wall, where praising yourself was seen as arrogant, into an era of smartphones, whatsapp, Facebook, WordPress and self love. 

Saturday 2nd feb.

This morning my very good friend is going to play tennis.

She voices her reluctance to get out from under the warm covers (It’s freezing out), but I know she will.

She’s that sort of person.


Before we sign off (We are communicating on WhatsApp.) She asks me how it was going with my new bike

I am ashamed to tell her it is not.

You see, unlike her, I am quite laz….

(I was about to say lazy/idle/indolent/slothful/inactive/inert/lethargic/listless/lackadaisical/good for nothing/bone idle/dull/plodding… take your pick)

Luckily I catch my inner critic just in time and tell her to be quiet.

But it is difficult.

For a start my inner critic and I don’t know each other very well.

(As I’m concerned we have only met recently! Though she insists she has known me since I was a baby.)

I’m confused.

‘Self praise is no praise’

That’s what I was taught.

Sixty two years of the knowledge that admitting to being good at something, could invite disaster on your head.

Bringing the attention of the gods on yourself was not a good idea.

They did not like competition and if they felt a mere mortal was getting uppity they would surely bring her down a peg or two or, worse still, knock her off her pedestal.

But now, seemingly, I have not only to talk about my good qualities, but to write a list of them too.

AND read them out to myself every day.

And if my inner critic sticks up her ugly head and interrupts, I have to wallop her on the head with my notebook.

But she is persistent.

‘Why are you sitting there tapping away? what makes you think you can write anything of interest’ whack!

‘Hardworking? are you kidding me? look at the state of this place’ whack!

‘Positive? where’s the book your suppose to be writing so?’

‘Kind? I don’t call wandering through woods alone kind, unless you plan to hug a tree or avoid crushing weeds as you step’.

‘Resilient? well that’s easy when you have a roof over your head and a job and enough food in the fridge’

‘Energetic? if your so energetic, why aren’t you out and about on your new bike?’

Whack whack whack!

(That last one hit a nerve)

With the yellow bike things were easier.

With the yellow bike I didn’t need therapy.

She just made me get up and out.

If I even LOOKED out the window, like a dog who see’s its owner holding its leash, she would be metaphorically scratching at the door and off we’d go.

But the new bike? She just stands in front of the fire looking shiny.

Goodness is that the time?

And look its dark out already.

What a busy day I’ve had!

‘You call sitting tapping away on that laptop being busy?’





Blue or yellow, its the same difference. (What the bicycle saw)



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The yellow bicycle is unwell.

Her wheel rims are rusted, her skirt guard held on with plastic cable ties.

She has suffered more punctures than she deserves (at one point there was more patches then original tyre on her back wheel)

Some of her spokes are missing and she has a distinct rattle of unknown origin.

My guess is it comes from the rear mudguard fixed many years ago by inserting a sponge between the stay and the actual guard.  Mr Monet Mends my Bike. 

But it may be something more sinister. Something internal. A cracked hub. A loose shimano brake cog.

And who knows what the creaking noise is when I turn the pedals! ( Though I suspect that noise might be more human in origin, emanating from my right knee, the one I have recently learned has no cartilage left in it).

Now there are those who feel I have been neglectful of the yellow bicycle’s maintenance.

But I have treated her no differently than I have treated myself.

We believe quality of life is better than quantity.

The yellow bicycle has lived a good life and seen many things that she may not have seen living with a more careful person

Cycling not only paved roads but mountain tracks and small boirins, across beaches and even along clifftops.

She has been hauled over ditches and dykes,

lowered into sea faring boats.

She has slept out under the stars, camped out by the sea.

She has lept across tree roots and swerved around potholes.

She has seen horses and donkeys close up, watched dolphins caper, Hawks in flight.

And once a man wandering naked through trees.


France 2010

It is early morning on a sunny autumn day.

The tree’s are letting go their leaves for another year.

Fluttering like a myriad of amber and yellow butterflies they float and drift, landing on the still water of the canal.

But not all.

Some don’t quite make it and instead form a golden covering on the uneven surface of the tow path.

A sort of yellow brick road.

And cycling along this yellow road is a woman on a heavy Dutch style bike. (which coincidentally is also yellow!)

She has been up since cockcrow and has quickly settled into her usual even pace which is only disturbed now and again when she is forced to swerve and avoid the roots of the trees.

These wayward gnarled ‘ropes’ have the habit of breaking the surface of the path as though doing so to make their way thirstily towards the water.

But mostly all she has to do is keep turning the pedals.

She hums contently to herself.

Without warning a twig, catching itself in the spoke of her bike causes her to brake and she dismounts and wrenches it free.

This gives some new leaves the opportunity to land on her head and entwine themselves in her hair.

As she is brushing them out with her fingers she sees a movement further along the canal.

A man walks out of the trees and crosses the path.

He is naked.

Without looking left or right, he poises for an instant on the canal bank before diving in.

The woman is stunned.  She pulls the last leaves from her hair while considering her dilemma.

Should she cycle quickly passing him before he starts scrambling out or should she wait where she is, her yellow bicycle camouflaged by the drifts of leaves, until he has finished his swim and gone?

Afraid that he might be planning to stay in the water awhile, she opts for the former, and cycling speedily,  bounces carelessly across the potholes and tree roots.

As she draws level with the man who is now swimming in a slow measured way, she calls out ‘Bonjour’.

Just to show she is not a prude.

And on she goes through the twirling leaves, leaving the man and his nakedness behind.

But as the canal path improves and a stretch of solid pale gravel comes under her wheels and she doesn’t have to concentrate on avoiding pot holes, she wonders at her reaction.

Why did she hesitate before passing him? Indeed why did she call out a greeting?

And then a memory from the past pops into her head.

July 1980

A young woman is cycling a black upright bicycle along the wild Atlantic way.

The small wooden trailer attached to her bicycle containing her tent and gear, bounces jauntily along behind.

Starting her journey in Donegal, a few weeks previously, she has many miles under her wheels by now and having already passed through four counties is presently in her fifth. Galway.

It is a pleasure to cycle these roads. They are mostly empty of traffic, with vast bogs that career off in each direction ending under the brooding mauve mountains.

At one point she spots a group of tiny figures. Bending and straightening as they cut and spread a bank of turf.

A wisp of smoke curls up, white against the dark blue of the mountains and the smell of burning turf reaches her. They must be stopping for lunch, she thinks, lighting a turf fire to boil the kettle on.

Feeling hungry she decides she’ll stop for her own picnic soon (the makings of it lie in her front basket),

She can see a flash of blue ahead appearing now and then as the road twists and turns.

The lakes at kylemore would be a good place.

A green Cortina car passes her slowly.

She pays no heed but rounding the bend, she notices the car pulled in on the side of the road just beyond a clump of rhododendrons.

Now she is a naive sort of woman. Seeing good in everyone  but her female instinct is strong and kicks in.

On high alert, she picks up speed. (not an easy task with the trailer) and keeping her eyes on the road ahead,  cycles as fast as she can.

As she draw level with the bushes, she catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye, standing facing the road, his trousers down around his ankles.

She flies past so speedily that the flasher becomes a flash.

Continuing at a steady pace all the time listening for the sound of a car approaching from behind, she ditches the idea of having her picnic just yet and also forgoes the idea of camping that night and decides to instead to head for the hostel in killary harbour.


It will be ten years ago this April since I was diagnosed with a metastatic malignant melanoma (it had metastasized to the lymph nodes in my groin)

That small mole removed from my calf five years previously was not benign (as histology had incorrectly shown at the time).

Oh the drama!

I thought I was going to die.

but I didn’t. (obviously)

And following successful surgery and treatment I decided to celebrate my recovery by I cycling across France. From the Atlantic to the Mediterranean

I thought I made the journey to prove my effected leg was still able to turn the pedals of the yellow bike.

But looking back I realize that I wasn’t good at taking time out for myself.

I needed an illness as an excuse.

And not just any old illness!

It needed to be a colorful one.

Don’t be a victim in your story telling. (I read somewhere)

Get your shit sorted before telling your story.

Come out the other side and begin to see the funny side.

I have decided that in my 62nd year and on the tenth anniversary of my diagnosis, that, even though I love bright colors, I don’t need them to prove myself.

Welcome to the dark blue bike on whom I hope to continue to have many journeys with colorful stories to tell.


P.S Of course the yellow bicycle and I will continue to limp along for many more years to come.








Yearning for water and boats (and a trip to see the Camino voyage by land)



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Picture this.

It is a warm day, the sky is blue, the sea tranquil.

I am propelling myself through turquoise waters in the manner of a one armed mermaid.

I say one armed because in my other I am holding aloft a pint of milk.

As you may have guessed I am on a mission (I am not normally inclined to swim around in the ocean holding pints of milk clear of the water)

It started out with the simple task of fetching a friend (I shall call him Tom) a pint of milk from the village (I was cycling there anyway for my own shopping).

I had no idea that, between the time I had made the offer and the time I returned there would be a change of scenario. That his boat would go from sitting on dry sand and easily accessible, to being afloat in a few metres of water.

I stood on the shore and called and called but no bearded face appeared on the distant deck, no far away figure clambered down the ladder into the small dingy tied alongside the boat and rowed over to me.

So I did what any selfless mermaid would do. I swam out to the boat with my delivery.

I love boats. I grew up in them and from the time I was about ten, I was more than able to row an 18 foot clinker built lake boat. I also did so without a life jacket and I never fell in.

But as I grew older I realised that boats may not love me as much.

Or maybe it was because I deserted those simple rowing boats for bigger ones. Yachts for example

‘Come sailing in Carlingford’ (this was from Tom, the pint of milk chap)

I couldn’t refuse.

The invitation had such a ring to it!

I pictured white trousers, striped ganseys, those fancy deck shoes and I packed a picnic to fit such an occasion.

Baguette, brie, figs, pâté and wine and I headed north in my flowery summer dress.

Now I must mention here that flowery and flowing are my way of dressing whether I am climbing a mountain. cycling a bike across France, or being out in a boat.

When I arrive at the quay Tom’s girlfriend, (whom I shall call Jane) was already there, dressed in the correct gear for a day at sea. (everything she wore was labelled ‘regatta’).

Beside her stood a man, who looked at me (or rather at my flowy dress) with a mixture dismissiveness and dismay.

After being introduced to him (I’ll call him Paul) we set out in the dingy for the boat.

Jane leapt from the dingy like a Giselle, landing lithely on deck and to be fair, despite my dress I too managed to clamber on board without losing my footing or my dignity.  Much I’m sure to the disappointment of Paul who gave me the distinct impression that he would have liked me, not only to fall in, but to float very far away.

On board, Jane instantly began to do important looking things. Tying this, loosening that, unfurling the other.

Feeling the constant disapproving glare from Paul and needing to show that him that I too was a proficient sailor, I hissed at Tom

‘Give me a chore’

He obliged.

Take the jib out of that bag’ He instructed, nodding to a large canvas bag lying on the foredeck.

Throwing a look at Paul which said ‘See I’m an accomplished sailor too’ I lifted the heavy bag and shook out the sail with vigour.

Unfortunately as soon as I put the bag down (in order to unfold the jib), it blew overboard and began drifting away on the water.

Tom immediately lifted anchor and with an oar, started to swing the boat around, Jane clucked anxiously as Paul grabbed the boathook, and leaning out caught hold of the bag pulling it on board. He then made (it seemed to me) an unnecessary show of hanging it out to dry. Attaching it firmly to the rails with two pegs.

I could swear he was smirking.

Pretending I didn’t notice (such a fuss over a bag) and turned instead to unpack my picnic basket.

I saw Paul eyeing the bottle of wine. ‘Silly me’ I said gaily ‘How did that get there? of course we won’t be drinking wine, it would be against the rules of safe sailing, falling drunkenly over board and all that’

Suddenly he smiled and beckoned to me. Lifting a wooden hatch in the deck, he motioned me to look in and there lay about twenty bottles of red wine stashed neatly side by side.

‘I brought them back on a recent trip from France. May I add a few to your picnic’. He asked.

As we sailed out into the bay he told me about his sailing trip on his own boat to France, Relating his story in an awkward halting way and mentioning his demeanours and trials at sailing, in such a disarming way that I began to realise he hadn’t been ‘looking down on me’ at all, it was just his manner.

‘A nuclear physicist’ Tom informed me later.

We became friends or as near to friends as I can be with a physicist.

But my sailing trips didn’t always turn out so forgiving, sometimes I didn’t even manage to get on board.

A year or two after the sail bag event, we are all camping in the west in our usual spot.

Tom enquired if I’d like to go for a sail.  So sitting myself in the stern of the dingy (in my blue flowery flowing dress) I allowed him to row me out to the boat.

When we reached it, the hull seemed higher than the last time. I gazed up at the outward curve apprehensively.

‘I’ve changed my mind’ I said ‘I think I’ll skip it this time’

‘Not at all, you’ve done it before. you’ll be fine’

So I stood on the ledge of the dingy as tom steadied it and stretching high, grasped hold of the railing of the boat. I somehow got one foot up on the deck and hauled myself upwards.

‘This is easy’ I think, getting my second foot up. I am just about to swing it over the railing when my first foot slips and before I knew it my second one followed.

I was now hanging helplessly from the railing. Tom started to manoeuvre the dingy back under my dangling feet to give me a foothold but I couldn’t hold on any longer and letting go I dropped into the water.

My dress billowed around my waist like a giant bell and as I swam to shore, it expanded and contracted much akin to the propelling motion (and appearance ) of a large colourful jelly fish.

‘It’s no use! go without me’ I call dramatically to him as I reached the shore, dragging my dripping form across the sand towards my tent.

But Tom is not one to give up or laugh or in any way be perturbed by a mere ‘man overboard’incident .

‘Go and change, I’ll wait here’ he calls back. So I do and return (this time in a pink flowery flowing dress)

and once more he rows me across.

This time I manage to get on board and without further ado we sail off into the sunset.

And so last Sunday night, knowing I was safe from any of the above, I traipsed (hobbled with on my damaged knee) through Dublin city, passed the tourists and the eclectic shops, the  bicycles and down the cobbled lane ways of temple bar to the IFI cinema to see a film I have been waiting for with much anticipation.

The Camino voyage!

A documentary about a boat. A naomhóg to be exact and the four men (artists, musicians and poets) two of whom had built the traditional craft and all of whom were rowing it on its journey from St James gate in Dublin down the liffey all the way to Santiago de Compostela.

I cried and laughed my way through it.

The visuals were supreme. Shots of the fragile craft, a basket really, dancing on the immense, sometimes turbulent sea.

And the sounds! The familiar (from my years of rowing) rhythmic creaking of rowlocks. The splash of oars as they broke the surface of the sea.

The music of the box accordion, guitar, bodhran, played sometimes melancholically, sometimes with jolly vigour, but always pulling at my heart strings. The fluidly spoken Irish. The songs, the words of the poets as they described their thoughts on their journey, all stirred memories within me.

My youth spent rowing Irelands lakes. My teenage obsession with Thor Heyerdahl and the Kontiki voyage. Hearing, as a Mother busy rearing my daughters, about Tim Severins ‘Brendan voyage’.

Then finally my own pilgrimage. Cycling the yellow bicycle from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean, not on water but beside and always associated with it as I made my way slowly, pedalling my recovering body across France.

And though not as exciting or as adventuress, I understood that feeling of purpose every  morning, when setting out each day on a continuing journey.

And suddenly a yearning has come over me. I need to go arowing again.

óro mo bhaidín

ag snamh ar a’gcuan

óró mo bhaidí

faighimis na máidi

agus teimis chun siuil

Óro mo bhaidín

Óro mo churaichín ó

Óro mo bhaidín.

Oh my little boat

as she glides in the bay

oh my little boat

lets get the oars

and we’ll row on

oh my little boat

oh my little currach

oh my little boat.

summer 2013 049






I know nothing (looking for labels on my birthday)



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Three days ago I reached my sixty second birthday.

I am over half a century old.

And what have I learnt?

Mostly that I know nothing and that the older I get, the less I know.

It isn’t that I am developing dementia. Just that I am throwing out all my old knowledge and notions and making room for new ones.

I came to TED talks  late in life. (https://www.ted.com/talks)

and am so excited by them.

You see I have discovered hundreds of talks on all aspects of things, which I can listen to and learn from (or disagree with) at the press of a button.

It was from one of these talks that I learnt about ‘Ikigai’. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ikigai

I became aware that I have being living my Ikigai all along.

I just never gave it a label.

In fact I had been living it for over for forty years.

But things are changing and small discontents are creeping in.

I love my job as a nurse. (A job I get paid to do) but I am also a writer and an artist, for which I don’t. (Any one want to buy a ‘hen’ painting?)

And these latter attributions are beginning to cause me anxiety when I’m at my paid job.

Let me explain.

Because of the above mentioned, I see, in each hospital bed, not just an ill person but a portrait, a story.

And so, although my manager thinks I am just uselessly chatting to my patient and in doing so am wasting valuable task time, I see it differently.

But recently times have changed, staff shortages have occurred due to cutbacks.

And now even if I seal my lips tightly I have hardly enough time to carry out those regular tasks, much less the ones I deem also important.

Luckily, so far I still don’t dread going into work.

And each time I go I do so with an optimistic anticipation of a good day ahead.

and I haven’t been fired for talking too much.

So my Ikigai is still at work.

But maybe as will I retire in three years I need to look for it elsewhere?

What could I do instead that I love?

that I am good at.

that the world needs.

that I can earn a living from.

It needn’t be something too immense.

I don’t need too much or two little to survive, but just the right amount.

and on that note I believe that in Sweden they have a special word for the above!

Now if you’ll excuse me I am just going to see if there is a TED talk on ‘Lagom’ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagom


Anyone want to by a hen painting?





If you have dyscalculia don’t challenge the tax man (Where’s my ikigai now)



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Recently I had a conversation with my brother in law.

It went like this.

Me: I am rich!

Him: Really? how so?

Me: Remember when I worked for the north western health board? Well seemingly I was due a pension when I reached 60. I only remembered recently and applied for it and I have just being back paid nearly two years worth)

Him: Wow that’s wonderful, congrats, how does it feel to have all that money?

(Actually it might not seem a huge amount to a lot of people as I only had a few years of service but to me it was amazing)

Me: Initially stressful.

Him: Stressful ?

Me: Yes I was afraid I might go mad and spend it irresponsibly.

Him: And did you?

Me: Well no, because before I had a chance to, the taxman took nearly half of it back.

Him: oh dear that’s awful.

Me: Not really. It taught me three important lessons.

Him: Oh?

Me:  yes firstly I learnt how it felt to be rich for a day.

Secondly, I discovered that being rich is not all its made out to be.

Him: And the third?

Me: If you suffer from dyscalculia don’t argue with the tax man.

Him: uh oh!

Me: Hmmm yes well initially it didn’t go that well (I’m not great with percentages) but we parted as friends in the end.

Him; That’s good!

Me; Yes I told him he could have the money but not my ikigai.


I am walking through woods practicing forest bathing (shinrin-yoku)

I note the light through the trees (komorebi)

I am aware of how the ancient moss on the stones, the ferns growing on the banks of the paths, the stream trickling over the stony river bed, trigger my emotional response to the wonder of nature (yuungen)

I shuffle through the fallen russet leaves and observe my fleeting sadness at the knowledge that they indicate the loss of summer (Mono no aware)

I plunge my hands into my pockets as I feel the cold wind of impending winter swirl around me (kogarashi)

I contemplate these Japanese words, rolling them off my tongue in a kind of chant as I tramp the steep path. (I find them more uplifting than my usual chant of ‘ higgledy piggeldy wiggeldy woods’.

And I wonder about my latest acquisition


And if I have it

Ikigai is a Japanese expression. It can be loosely translated as your reason for being.

It appears that If you love what you are doing and are good at it, if it fulfils you and you are actually paid for it, you may have found your Ikigai and will therefore live a long and happy life.

As long of course, as you don’t get lost in a higgledy piggeldy wiggeldy wood in the process.

(More on my quest for Ikigai in my next post)








Eating alone in Cataluña.



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(Me with a little cuttlefish for company).

I am sometimes asked if I ever feel bored or lonely when I travel alone. 

The answer is no.

I am a selfish traveller and love having the freedom to decide where and when to go and what to do when I’m there (which may simply be to sit and sip coffee lost in my own thoughts or drink wine and eat nice food)

But do you not feel odd eating alone? They ask when I mention the food bit.

Not at all! Sure don’t I have my cuttlefish or clams or sardines for company.

Plus I’m a *dab (pardon the pun) hand at eavesdropping on the other diners.


There is a rumour going around (started I think by my mother ) that I have brought the yellow bicycle on holidays with me.

But other than the idea vaguely crossing my mind and glancing nostalgically at the over sized luggage check in Dublin airport (because once I really DID take my bike on a plane) there are no grounds to her story.

I have no bicycle with me.

I am going to walk instead.

And walk I do.

Up steps and down steps.

I never realized a town could have so many of them.

Of course the description of the hotel I have chosen should have given me a clue.

‘Hotel Sant Roc sits high above the town on rocky hill top’.

So every evening, if I want to reach my bed, I have to climb one hundred or more steps.


Thank goodness for phone cameras!

They are my decoy. The saviour of my dignity!  because of COURSE the only reason the plump granny (me) now half way up the steep steps is stopping, is because she has just seen something of interest to take a photo of. (The fact she is out of breath, has nothing to do with it).

And while I am on the subject of steps I note, that some people are not just content to bound past me.

No! they really have to rub it in. On reaching the top they turn and run furiously back down.

And then, wait for it!, On reaching the bottom again they turn and take the steps back up two at a time. (without once having to stop to take a photo). They often repeat this process numerous times before finally trotting off smugly.

To ease my eyes from the activity, I look out to sea only to see a bunch of swimmers arms flailing making their way out across the ocean.

Happily my real reason for this holiday is to eat fish and made hungry by observing all this exercise,  I head down hill in search of lunch.


‘They’ say a full restaurant is a sign of good food.

I say an empty one is.

Especially one where the proprietor is chatting to a friend and is in no hurry to acknowledge me, let alone offer me a menu. He is clearly confident that I understand my wait will be worthwhile.

Even still when he eventually does stroll over, I give him my best smile hoping that by showing my teeth, he will see I mean business.

A French couple stroll past and glimpse at the grilled razor clams that have arrived in front of me and within minutes they are sitting nearby ordering a large jug of sangria and some food.

An American couple spots the plates of grilled monk fish landing in front of the French couple and after consulting each other sit just behind me.

A group of four linger and sniff the air and find themselves a table.

and soon the restaurant is buzzing.

I only have to stop three times to take a photo of the pounding sea on my way back ‘home’

The next morning I note a twinge in my knees.

I blame it on those steps.

Now I am no stranger to exercise. I walk lots. I cycle and in the last two years I have taken to lifting weights (my youngest two grandchildren) but steps are not part of my exercise and my knees are letting me know.

I know the cure.  I must find sardines.

Down I go again.

Of course I can’t spend my day just eating so, to pass the time, I walk to the next village by the costal path (more steps) where I find to my horror there is some sort of triathlon taking place.

Loudspeakers are shouting instructions and men in boats are laying out floatable markers in the sea.

Racing bikes are stacked against walls. Lithe people some in lycra, some in wet suits are standing around nonchalantly swinging their arms like windmills. (I saw one tall lad in running shorts, who, whilst stretching one leg out on the wall the way runners do, was lighting up a cigarette.)

The energy is contagious and I find myself I picking up my pace and walking briskly to the end of the promenade.

At the end of the promenade is a small café where a few lazier souls sip their ‘café amb llet’ and, with their dogs sitting calmly beside them, read the papers or gaze out to sea.

I join them, sitting between the well behaved mutts.

Some quite fancy. (The mutts that is).


The way back is definitely easier or maybe I am getting fitter or maybe its the thought of lunch that is putting a spring in my step.

I only have to stop twice to take a photo and that’s because at one point curiosity got the better of me and I trot down some steps off the path just to see where they are going. (They land in the ocean)

Back in the village at the first small cove, a restaurant is preparing itself for the lunch, shaking out its awnings while the waiters in their traditional fishermen’s garb of blue hemp trousers and leather braces are organizing the chairs.

Without even checking what was on the menu I take a seat.

I just know they will serve sardines.

My knees sigh in anticipation


On the way home I only have to stop once to take a photo


The next morning I decide I will give my knees a rest and take the car.

I stop on the outskirts of a small hill top village.


Peratallada was once an important bustling medieval village. It is interesting to first walk its circumference following the now dry moat that surrounds it.

And although the draw bridge is long gone, the only gateway to the town still stands and leads to the narrow winding streets of worn cobbles, smoothed by millions of footsteps over the centuries.

There are few tourists at this time of the year so I can explore in comfort.


The town is not far from the sea but in its heyday the distance would have been too great to lug fresh fish to.

luckily for me this is now and there is plenty of fish on the menu.

And though part of me knows I should really dip in to some of the traditional fare of sausage and beans I choose the seafood.


Of course no steps mean no stopping for photo’s.

well maybe just one!


My last day and I am exploring Sa Tuna. A tiny fishing village to the north.

I immediately feel at home.


My knees have recovered and too early for lunch, once again I trot along the coastal path. Up the steps and down the steps and, even though I find I no longer need the excuse of taking photos in order to have a rest, I stop just for old times sake.

And take two




Retracing my steps I get the distinct feeling I am being followed!

20181012_191811 But maybe she is also just on her way to lunch.



*Dab= a small flat fish.






A slow end to summer.



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There is a pigeon sitting on her nest in the cypress ignoring the fact it’s autumn.

I check her everyday and leave a bowl of fresh water within sight.

You see, I am filled with guilt.

Her late nesting may be my fault.

A few weeks earlier her chick had fledged and miscalculating its aim, landed on the wrong side of the fence and into my daughters garden. A garden so well enclosed (to keep Blathín, my daughters little hound in) that it was unable to get to the safety of the large grassy blackberry filled field it had been hoping for.

Baby pigeons are unable to fly for their first few days and so they hide among grasses and thickets camouflaging themselves until they are.

This little creature hid among the raspberry canes and the hawthorn and wild rose hedging.

It camouflaged itself so well that I would never have known of its presence only for Blathíns  fixated sniffling there.

Now, the baby pigeon was safe while it remained in the thorny thicket but, I knew if it tried to come onto the lawn to practice its flying skills, herself would be waiting to snaffle it.

Drastic measures were called for.

Armed with a broom in one hand and grasping B on her lead in the other (I wouldn’t have found the chick on my own) we managed to flush the creature out of her hiding place and herd her along the hedge, through the tall firs, out through the gate and down the lane.

It was an obedient little being and wobbled ahead of us much like a domesticated duck and allowed itself be guided by the outstretched broom which prevented it from scooting off to the left or right.

When we reached the field, I left her to make  her way through the overgrown grass to where her parents would hopefully find her.

But later I wondered if it was an ‘out of the frying pan into the fire’ scenario ?

Had I, in saving her from my daughters dog, actually delivered her into the hands of Mr fox.

And is that why her parents were having a second desperate go at reproducing their genes so late in the year, ignoring the fact that summer was actually over.

Then one day I see the chick, peering over the edge of the nest.

So I cannot sneer at their optimism where the seasons are concerned.

To tell the truth I too am reluctant to let go the idea that the summer is well and truly finished.

As I sit here looking across at sugarloaf barely visible in the dark and listening to the rain pattering on my window, I do what people do who cling to the memories.

I scroll through my summer photos.


This year Summer actually began in  spring.

April to be exact. Even the cows knew that.

I headed westward to the Burren.20180428_121631

A month later complete with yellow bicycle I went to Clarinbridge in co Galway. I brought my raincoat (We were sure to get some rain in May?)

But not a drop!

June appeared and I was off again this time to Connemara where we huddled not under an umbrella but a parasol!

July was the month for contented cattle, camping at the place of the hare, a month for foraging for mussels and early morning swims, for solitudinal glasses of wine among the harebells and catching up with some reading.

But what about August you might wonder? 

Ah! August was the highlight.

August brought me my fifth grandchild and first granddaughter.

A wonderful end to a beautiful summer.

I tiptoe out to look a my pigeons nest.

Its empty.

Over the fence two fat pigeons are plucking at the last of the berries from an overgrown elderberry bush whose branches are sweeping low and entangling in the long grass.

And in that grass well hidden from fox and dog is the small form of a Pigeon chick.

the End.


Slow cooked mussels at Áit an Giorrai (a recipe for colour)



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I love colour, the more vibrant the better, and my love for it is not only reflected in my bicycle, but in what I wear, how I decorate my home and even in what I eat.

And when I speak of slow cooked I’m not referring to time in the pan (that only took a minute or two) but the process of starting the recipe from scratch i.e the collecting of these molluscs in the first place.

AND, talking of slowness you may note that there are longer gaps between my stories!

This is not due to laziness but more to distraction. This time I will blame it on the shell middens of which, on mentioning below, I turned my attention to learning about, and in doing so completely lost track of time.


I‘m standing ankle deep in water between two large rocky outcrops, the sun warm on my back. 

The surge of the sea is tugging the sand from under my feet as the tide retreats.

Balancing my bucket on a natural shelf I go to work prising the blue/black mussels off the rocks and dropping them into my utensil where they land with a satisfying ‘plop’.
I have only myself to feed today so half a bucket will be enough.

But I’m not  the first person who has been here carrying out this task.

Behind me in a sandy low cliff face is a shell midden*.

An ancient rubbish tip of discarded shells. One of many in these parts and proof that people over the centuries have stood where I am standing, foraging for a shell fish feast.

As I pick, I wonder if they also took the time to pause every now and again and look up to admire the blue sky and down to remark on the clarity of the turquoise water (which is now tempting me to put a halt to my picking and wade out for a swim.)


(my favourite collecting and swimming place and a not very good picture of the shell midden.) 

The first time I tasted mussels I was about ten years old and we were camping in south Connemara in a place called Ballinahown.
It could have been the first time I tasted snails too but I lost my courage before I even took the first bite.
It was also the first time I fell in love.

Wild camping is a wonderful experience for children, but being gregarious creatures they love to have other children around too

We were lucky. There were eight of us, so we were never short of companionship but, while my dad scowled if people camped to close to us, the presence of others our own age was a bonus and a cause of much excitement.

We had neighbouring campers in Ballinahown.

But they were nothing like we had ever come across before.

For a start they were French!  Remarkable in the fact that this was 1966 and any foreign tourists were exotic in our young, never been abroad ourselves eyes.

(It was not that my parents were insular or that they couldn’t afford it. At the time many of their friends were going to France for a camping holiday. It was because my dad felt we should see every inch of our own country before we explored others)

Back to our neighbours.

A couple and their son (in his late teens).

And not only were they foreign but instead of having a tent, they had rented a colourful horse drawn caravan complete with ambling horse.

Making their way slowly up the west coast, they, like my father, had seen the beauty of this place and had stopped for a few days, setting up camp above us on a spot of green grass where they proceeded to unharness the horse and lead her through a small gate into the nearby field.

I was besotted.

Not just with them and their colourful mode of travel, but also with their son.

I followed him around in a puppy like fashion as he and his parents foraged for shell fish along the shore and snails from the small stone walled fields of smooth rocks and bunches of yellow irises.

It was amid these clumps of wild flowers that I hid a few days later, nursing my broken heart, as the rest of my family cheerfully waved them goodbye and the back of the caravan swayed around a bend of the boitrin, the sound of horses hooves growing softer and softer.

I remained in hiding until I could no longer that clip clop sound.

I didn’t grieve for long because for one thing, ‘moping’ was not tolerated in my family and for another, my father was now hell bent in continuing what he had learnt from them and was enthusiastically rallying his children into helping him collect buckets of shellfish.

It was all hands on deck.

They called my name again and again until at last I was forced to appear and, on the state of my tear streaked cheeks being noted, a single query was made.

‘What happened to you?’

‘I fell into a bunch of nettles’

Luckily such a deed was common among the Peppard children and was not a cause of concern.

Afterall we all knew the cure (rub the stings furiously with a bunch of dock leaves) so neither of my parents investigated the real cause of my sadness and my childish one sided love affaire remained a secret.

But to this day whenever I go collecting mussels I remember him.

Could this have been when my love for color, for the exotic started I often wonder.

(And my fashion of falling in love with foreign men).




My exotic mussel recipe

For it you will need

  • One outcrop of mussel covered rocks
  • a bowl/bucket full of freshly picked mussels from the above.
  • Time (plenty of it)
  • Thyme (plucked fresh from the ground)
  • A bottle of white wine (use some for the cooking)
  • One onion
  • A few cloves of garlic squished.
  • Olive oil.
  • A handful of pomegranate seeds (for decoration and zest and a touch of vibrant colour)


  • Pick enough mussels for your appetite and number to feed.
  • clean the mussels and pull any ‘beards’ off.
  • Sauté the onions and garlic in the olive oil using a large frying pan (I use a wok shaped one) until soft and translucent
  • throw the cleaned mussels in
  • add a good glass of wine and cover.
  • check after a minute or two.
  • the mussels will open when cooked (discard any that haven’t opened)
  • Add some wild thyme.
  • serve in a bowl and decorate with the pomegranate seeds (for colour and jest) and some more thyme.

Goes well with buttered soda bread (not having any this time) I have used soft goats cheese which is possibly too strong a taste for such a delicate dish).


* According to my research the shell middens of this area are supposedly from the bronze up to medieval period.




Slow brew at Áit an giorrai (Wake up and smell the coffee).



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Morning coffee at my favourite place. Note my sisters encampment below and down wind from mine.

Damned good coffee and HOT!

So says my brother in law on his morning visit to my encampment.

Sometimes I curse the fact that my coffee is so damned good.

It draws lovers of the stuff to my tent.



My tent is well hidden (from most individuals)

To the north, a large outcrop of rock keeps it out of sight from the odd walker.

To the east and south, sloping hillocks hide it well.

To the west,unless a wanderer carelessly takes their eyes off the uneven rocky path that leads to the sea and cranes their neck, they wouldn’t spot it.

In fact if it wasn’t for my love of a good cup of Italian coffee made freshly in my little Bialetti pot on a small camping stove outside my little tent I could remain unnoticed here for weeks.

But in a place unpolluted by modern smells (the strongest ones here are seaweed and wild flowers) it’s powerful aroma cannot be disguised.

Too late I realise I should have camped downwind of the crowd.


More than one other camp at Áit an Giorrai constitutes a crowd.

(You can read how I gave this place its name here) Slow Swimming at Áit an giorria (the place of the hare)  

We have been coming here to camp every summer for almost 50 years now, initially as eight unruly youngsters with our parents, then as young adults, then with our children and now with our grandchildren.

From the start a few unwritten rules were made.

The majority of these rules, by my mother who, though loathe to curtail us, planned to return to Dublin at the end of the summer with all children in tow and were as follows;

Don’t swim out too far.

Pull the boat up above the tide line when you are finished with it.

keep an eye on the little ones.

Come promptly at meal times (those were the days of a cooked lunch even if camping with the minimal equipment).

Wash your dish down at the sea.

No sand in the bedding.

But the one that remains foremost in my mind was made by my father.


I have a clear memory of my father marching down across the sand to his small boat where, yanking it crossly into the water, he proceeded to row it furiously into the middle of the bay at which point he pulled in it’s oars, donned a snorkel and mask and leaning over the bow of the boat causing the stern to lift clear of the water, plunged his face into the sea.

To the watcher on the shore this was a rather bizarre act but to my dad, a lover of nature who no longer swam, it was a good way of observing the underwater world (and of leaving the real world behind).

The cause of his upset? A very swanky caravan parking too near to his encampment (too near being probably 200 metres away)

Out of this caravan stepped a blond woman whom later (after learning that her name was Barbara)we nicknamed ‘Barbie doll’ and her equally perfect husband.

To add to my fathers fury at their nearness, when he finally came ashore again my mother and the woman were chatting away gaily .

‘What a lovely woman’ my mother said later ‘It will be nice to have another female to chat to’

‘I just don’t get it’ my father blustered ‘They had miles of space to park! why the need to impinge on us?’

‘They are not THAT close’ my mother patted his arm soothingly ‘Maybe they are new to caravanning and feel more secure near other people’

My Mother was correct. They were new to caravanning and as the days wore on and we became accustomed to their close proximity, we realized just how new.

We also watched in amazement as Barbie doll charmed my grumpy father.

‘Dear Louie, could you just show us how to… (let down the legs? fix the gas cylinder?)

And my father, not a tall man, in his wellington boots and tweed jacket no matter what the weather , would amble off totally under the spell of the tanned legged, shorts clad Barbara, to where her husband dressed in chinos and a golfing shirt, was uselessly waving a spanner or some other implement as he tried in vain to figure out the intricacies of setting up a caravan. (a thing we could do it with our eyes shut)

I must add here that it was not only my father she charmed but my mother too and they continued their friendship over many years, visiting each other regularly when back in Dublin even when it all got too much for Barbie doll and her ken-like husband and they stopped caravanning altogether.

I don’t know if they ever told Barbara the nick name we had given her.


But back to my story.

Two other encampments lie below mine

I am familiar with their owners.

One belongs to my older sister and my brother in law.

The other to my youngest sister with her two children.

My youngest sister is married to an Italian who has NOT accompanied her and even though I do not wish to hear the dramatic loud outbursts that seem to accompany an Italian style marriage (I can never tell if they are having a row or just discussing what to make for lunch) it would have been helpful to me if he had.

You see, his coffee making skills outshine even mine and thus he could have drawn the coffee lovers over to his camp instead.


For me, one of the pleasures of being single (I was married for twenty years) are those pure magical morning moments when I don’t have to commune with anyone.

Those moments when I can slide from sleep to my morning swim without even seeing let alone speaking to another human.

Those moments when, with hair still wet hair from my dip, I bring my coffee to my favourite spot on the outcrop of rocks above my tent and there,  with a good view of the sea below, sit on the highest rock and sip it slowly.


At peace….(sip)

Gazing out to sea……(sip)

letting my thoughts flow and ebb much like the tide below……(sip)

Enjoying my solitude….(sip).

Good morning!

Two figures have come stealthily up over the rocks and are standing before me.

A man and a woman.

Arty types (I can tell by their clothes).

Despite the fact that it promises to be a warm day he is wearing a superb hand woven jacket and red trousers. His greying curly hair is covered by a black fedora-type hat which he wears low over his eyes

She on the other hand, in black leggings over which is donned a brightly coloured jersey frock. (I can tell the frock is made by Gudrun Sjoden without looking at the label) is hatless.

They seem a little uneasy, their eyes not quite meeting mine, but sliding to my right.

I follow their gaze.

It lands on the half finished cup of coffee I am lowering from my lips.

‘Would you like one?’ I enquire.

They nod in unison

So I stand and leaving my solitude on the rock, make my way barefoot across the hare-belled carpeted grass, through the misty morning to my tent, the pair following closely.

My Bialetti coffee pot is where I left it on the low camping table.

It is still hot so I grab a tea towel to protect my hands and unscrew the top .

I empty the middle section of used coffee grains onto the grass and without bothering to rinse the contraption, I fill the bottom section of the pot with fresh water, put a few spoons of illy coffee into the middle section, before screwing on the top again and putting the pot on my small stove in my small tent.

‘Take a seat’ I say.

They do as bid, the man hunkering down on the damp grass, the woman perching on a camping stool.

‘We can share a cup’ She mutters

‘You will not’ I say (I’m already pouring the hot dark aromatic fluid into one of two cups).

‘Help yourself, I’ll have a second one made in a jiffy’.

As I empty out the grains onto the grass and start the procedure again the woman leans forward, takes the filled cup and hands it to her husband.

‘Damn good coffee’ My brother in law takes a sips ‘and hot!’.





Slow Swimming at Áit an giorria (the place of the hare)



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When we were young we never heard or even saw a wetsuit, let alone wore one and we swam merrily in the chilly waters of the Atlantic sea in our well worn bathing togs, staying in for hours at a time.

My younger sister and I used to pretend to be dolphins and we developed a technique where we half butterfly stroked, half dived as we made our way through the water mimicking the dolphins rolling motion.

Those hours in the sea have withstood us well and to this day I have no problem leaping into the sometimes wild, always cold, waters of the Atlantic for a swim.

I don’t swim madly or speedily.  Instead, in much the same way as I ride my yellow bicycle, I ‘meander’. 

Exploring as I go. Happy to potter, to see what I can see.

I suppose you could call it ‘slow swimming’.


Áit an Giorrai.


My sister is coming up over the hill when she spots it.

A baby hare, a leveret, nestled in the entrance of a disused rabbit burrow.

I am at my tent making  coffee.

I hear her call quietly

‘Steph! bring your camera here for a minute’

Oh what cruelty is in us that, no matter what fear and terror we cause it (and its mother who, no doubt, is watching from afar) we must get a photo.

The Leveret is well tuned in the art of survival. It has a trick up its sleeve and plays dead. Not a blink of an eye or twitch of a whisker gives any indication it has noted our presence.

Crouching low, I take a quick photo before we crawl away backwards delighted to have seen such a wonderful thing.

‘I nearly stood on it’ my sister whispers

‘No you didn’t’.

We don’t ‘stand on things’ here.

We don’t trample indiscriminately but rather step lightly, despite our bulky human size.

Constantly observing.

Traipsing over the undulating low grassed hills, We see hare bells, eyebright, ladies bedstraw, birdsfoot trefoil, orchids, wild thyme, and many others, all  entwining in each others roots and weaving themselves into a tight carpet on the sandy soil.

We thread even more carefully over the lichened rocks, festooned with mounds of sea pinks.

And sea birds eggs.

We return to my tent and sit under its awning looking out to sea and sipping our coffee.

After a few moments I say.

‘I am naming my camping spot ‘Áit an giorria’ (the place of the hare).

20180720_144301Come on in it’s delicious!

20180626_162900As I have already mentioned we ‘Peppard’s’ are known to be a hardy bunch when it comes to water, so you can’t blame our friends (as they stand shivering on the shore, toes barely in the water) for not believing us when we say ‘its delicious’.’

Oh Just jump in! get the initial shock over with’ We call impatiently, only our heads visible as we thread water.

Those who are brave enough have made it to knee depth and are now nervously dipping their hands in and patting the water on thighs and upper arms.

‘Come on, get IN!’ We shout bossily as we swim parallel to the shore.

‘Once you get down you’ll get used to it, you’ll LOVE it’ We lie.

‘See its not that bad’ Our ears are deafened by the shrieks of those who have taken our advice.

‘Its feckin freezing’ they splutter when they get their breath back and start to run out again.

We look at each other and throw our eyes to heaven.



Slow swimming.

This morning I am alone. I make my way barefoot across the rocks to the waters edge.

I love that solitary first swim of the day. I relish it and dream about it through the short winter day’s.

Its my chance to meditate, to become  a creature of the sea, moving purposely but causing hardly a ripple.

Today the tide is well out exposing the mussel covered rocks

I wade in around them and at waist depth slide under the water. I lift my feet and float, moving with the tide. Undulating.

Then I start a slow breaststroke out to sea.

The turquoise water is crystal clear and I watch my tanned arms admiringly as they sweep in distorted circles just below the surface.

I marvel at how they look so much thinner under the water.

I might stay in here for ever.

I dive deep, eyes open, small herring fry scattering before my outstretched hands and some prawns sweeping passed, brought in on the tide.

A periwinkle shell moves across the sand, stopping every now and again to get its bearings. It’s a hermit crab.

I reach a rock with waving seaweed and see a small crab scuttle to safety.

All this in the holding of one breath.

I surface and pull a piece of the seaweed (its glutinous texture makes a good moisturizer)standing cautiously. feeling the seafloor with my toes.

A few years ago I stood on a weaver fish in this spot.

I have never known such pain and I hobbled back to my camp to ring a friend who surfed in exotic places.

‘Sounds like you have stood on a weaver fish! Boil a kettle and fill a bucket with the hottest water you can bear and place your foot in it’.

I did as instructed and within seconds the pain had begun to abate and then it disappeared altogether.

Today it is not only a weaver fish I have to watch out for.

Making my way back across the sand, I see I was not the only one slow swimming this morning. A Lions mane jellyfish lies stranded by the outgoing tide. I skirt around it and up the grassy hill to my tent.


Slow swim over for this morning.

Time for my morning coffee.



We see harebells, eyebright, ladies bedstraw……

From here to there and somewhere in between way (and not a green way in sight.)



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When it comes to being on a bicycle, there are those who incline to greenways and others to the open roadway.

But a few of us veer towards the small stony find your own way.Grass growing in the middle-way. Thatch cottage and stone wall way. Out of the ordinary way. Getting totally lost way. Stop and ask the locals the way. Past the old disused pump way. Clamber over the lichen covered wall way. Push your bike along the seashore way. Pass the hawthorn fashioned by the prevailing wind way. And the ancient shell midden way. Find the house of your dream way. Arrive back to where you started way. Realise that though the hours have passed and you haven’t been idle you haven’t done huge mileage  way. 

Last Saturday I woke in a small caravan along a flaggy shore.

Not Seamus Heaney’s flaggy shore, but a similar stretch of land jutting out into the Atlantic to the north of his.

The world outside my window was cloaked in mist.


From my bed I could just make out the red shellfish dredger dangling, suspended between sea and sky and the small pier with its two idle boats.


and finally as though the curtain of a stage was slowly lifting, the sinister ruins of Tyrone house across the bay. (NOT a good Landlord from all accounts).

I sipped my morning coffee and considered how by sheer placement he could spy on the tenants across the bay even though he would have been better looking after his own, because this side of the bay was under the reign of a more benevolent Landlord, Redington of Clarinbridge


Yesterday I had noted that all these objects were correctly attached to land and sea, which assured me that I and my caravan had not become adrift in some ethereal land while I lay sleeping.

Despite this mist, the day had the makings of a good one and by the time I had finished that first coffee, followed by my breakfast of almond scone and coffee it had cleared.20180526_084440

Recently a ‘slow bicycle’ friend from Canada made a cycling map of his city with places of interest sketched out. I wish I had thought of doing that on this route.

Instead here is a photographic pictorial of my wanderings by which I will (instead of writing any commentary) take you along.

Just to say that the sprig of elderflower attached to my handle bars to protect me from punctures and getting lost only worked for the former.


and that the gap in photos between the pump and scrabbling with the yellow bicycle across the low wall onto the seashore is due to the fact that I had to concentrate in wading barefoot through a muddy seaweedy shortcut to reach the field that would finally lead me to the shore. (Thank goodness for easily slip off-able Birkenstoks)

I could call my route the thatch cottage way but that would be too obvious and so with no further ado get on your bicycle and follow me!


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And home again five hours later with the sun well and truly in the sky and the mist gone.




Being led astray: Part two (where I lose my shoes and my wits)



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I don’t remember ever losing my wits before, but I can remember clearly losing a pair of shoes.

It was 1980 and I was cycling the wild Atlantic way.

My footwear for the journey was a pair of Chinese slippers.

Made from silk , embroidered with little flowers and held in place by a simple strap across the arch of my foot, I thought they looked very fetching, peeking out from under my petticoat.

As with my choice of clothing, some people might see such shoes as impractical for a four month journey down the west coast of Ireland on an old black raleigh bike with trailer attached, but I found them functional.

As soon as I felt the first drop of rain I could slip them off easily and put them into the shelter of my basket and then cycle on barefoot until the rain stopped.

But half way through my journey (I had now reached lisdoonvarna) my shoes and I parted ways.

Here is what happened:

The Lisdoonvarna folk festival is in full swing.

I am sitting on my colorful cotton shawl in the late afternoon sun listening to Micho Russell playing solo on the tin whistle.

Beside him on stage, a woman in a gauzy dress is dancing.

Micho is playing one of my favourite tunes ‘Going to the well for water’, but although the womans ethereal leaps and bounds are both magical and enticing (the evening sun is showing her lithe outline through the flimsy material), they are not keeping in time with his playing.

It is as though she is dancing to some music that only she can hear.

Adding to this a group of very tall men (I won’t mention from where) are clapping wildly and way too fast (as such people from that country are apt to do when they hear Irish music) which, together with the dancing, is irritating me.

But apparently only me because when I glance around the rest of the audience appears spellbound.

At last Micho finishes and leaves the stage. 

A break is announced and and I get up to go and find something to eat, along with a few hundred others (Micho’s audience have woken from the spell and are hungry.)

Now for some reason the organisers have decided to make a corridor of sheep fencing into the field and as we all try to get out at the same time a crush ensues.

Then there are the people, who having made it unscathed to the entrance, are stopping for a chat causing further blockage.

As the crowd surges along my feet are lifted off the ground and I am carried by the sheer size of the men surrounding me, (The same men who had been clapping so you can imagine the speed they are trying to move at) .

One of my chinese slippers falls from my foot and is immediately trampled into the mud by the people coming behind me.

A young man, seeing my dilemma, bends down, attempting to retrieve it but nearly gets his head trodden on in the process.

‘Leave it! save yourself!’ I call back over my shoulder in a rather dramatic fashion.

My hero doesn’t hear me (Those who have the luxury of their size, think the whole thing is fun and are singing to Michos last tune very loudly). So all he can do is shrug apologetically as I half hobble, am half carried onward once more.

Being whooshed along beside me is a worried looking woman holding a squiggling toddler. Catching hold of her sleeve, I nod to the fence and with each shove we force our way sideways towards it.

Then, hanging on to the child with one hand, I give her a quick leg over before lifting the child clear.

She catches him in her arms just as I am swept on again.

It takes a few more shoves before I get my chance. 

Gathering up my skirts at the next lull, I manage to swing my leg over the fence.

unfortunately I have now been brought parallel to a fast running stream which I don’t notice till too late and landing awkwardly in it, my second shoe comes off.

Helplessly, I watch as it swirls away in the water. 

The story so far:

I have left the brothers house after an evening of story telling and poitin drinking and getting on my bicycle to cycle home, have fallen into the ditch.

None the worse for my fall, but very aware that I haven’t taken Pats advice and put my coat on inside out and thus avoid being ‘led astray’*, I make my way back to the road only to find there was no road.


I can hear the gentle ssssh behind me as each wave breaks on the shore.

The wind has risen, a soft warm wind , and it whistles through the spokes of my front wheel.

I stop my search for the road to look skywards.

The clouds part for an instant and I catch a glimpse of the stars and oh, there is the moon, almost full!

Then I am back in darkness as the clouds close over again.

keeping my back to the sound of the sea, I edge along carefully, watching out for any stray briars that wait to snag my long skirt.

As I do so, I realize that it is not the the wind through the spokes that is whistling but the actual sound of a tin whistle.

And now other instruments are joining in. The sweet slide of a fiddle bow, the soft twang of a mandolin.

A seisún in someones house maybe?

I am filled with relief .

The knowledge that there is a house ahead, which must surely have a road leading to it, hurries me along with renewed vigor until a row of hazel bushes block my path.

As I inch my way along them in search of an opening the moon continues to skit in and out between the clouds allowing me short spurts of visibility.

I come to a slim gap formed by two hawthorn trees.

The music, louder now, is coming from the other side of this hedge.

I squeeze through just as the clouds clear completely allowing the moon to shine brightly.

And before me I see the strangest sight.

In a smooth field which slopes gently up and is topped by an outcrop of rock, out of which is growing a single hawthorn tree, sit three musicians.

Bent to their instruments and playing with full attention. their long dark hair is falling forward, so I can’t see their faces.

But it is not they who appear odd.

It  is the fact that a tall slim figure, whose hair is held up in place  with a fine sprig of fuchsia flowers, is dancing in front of them.

Furthermore I recognise her.

It is Charlotte (Whom I have written about in A barrel for my bed (A dreamhouse story.))

And she is not alone.

Dancing with her is a handsome elderly man, and while Charlotte with her long bony legs encased in over sized wellingtons leaps like a young one, twisting and turning in time to the music, causing the fuchsia to jangle merrily, he sways more elegantly this way and that.

And odder still again is, that standing in a circle around the couple, clapping their hands and tapping their feet in time to the music are, Tom (how has he got here before me), Mattie (Charlottes neighbour) and a man whom I have seen ‘putt putting’ through the village on a battered old motor scooter.

There are also a few others whom I don’t recognise.

They are all gazing at Charlotte in adoration, lust even, and she with a chest so flat, it doesn’t even make a ripple underneath her hessian frock as she wriggles and twists enticingly.

I watch as, without missing a beat, Charlotte lets go of the hand of her present partner and beckons to Tom

He goes forward willingly, capering and leaping with such agility that I cannot imagine this is the same man I meet, bent double, collecting sticks along the shore.

The abandoned partner stands with the others looking enviously on but after a few moments it is Tom who is abandoned while Charlotte now chooses the motorcycle man.

And now another figure appears at the top of the hill. He is vaguely familiar and I try to remember where I have seen him before.

Dark hair falls across his pale forehead. He is dressed in green corduroy trousers and a crimson velvet waist coat.

He saunters nonchalantly down the slope, hands in pockets.

Whistling in tune with the musicians, whom he appears to know, for he nods a greeting in their direction and the fiddler seeing him, raises his bow in a salute, he reaches the dancers and pauses to watch.

Charlotte is now on her fifth partner and is showing no signs of tiring.

Continuing to beckon and abandon, she is working her way steadily through her admirers.

Those waiting to dance with her have a look of anticipation, while those she has finished with continue to dance but in a more sheepish fashion.

It as though without their female partner they don’t quite know what to be doing with themselves, yet can’t stop their feet moving.

Suddenly she turns and dances off down the hill, her fuchsia sprig jangling merrily and they follow her in a dishevelled line.

The man watches them until they disappear from view.

He turns and catching my eye, smiles and holds out his hand to me.

As though seized by some madness, I am unable to stop myself and throwing down my bike, I kick off my shoes.

then picking up the hem of my purple skirt, I half dance, half skip across the soft dewy grass towards him.

He bows slightly as I land in front of him.

Without a word he puts one hand on the small of my back and with the other, takes hold of my free hand,

I let go the hem of my dress and, putting my  hand on his shoulder, we bounce once or twice on the spot as though to catch the rhythm of the music.

And we are off!

Swirling down the grassy hill in a sort of waltz.

My partner, though not as tall as I first imagined, is surprisingly strong and as we twirl my bare feet skim the damp grass, barely touching it.

But not for long.

The musicians are slightly manic in their style and constantly chop and change the rhythm and speed of the tunes as though they are testing out the ability of our feet.

So now we are capering back up the hill in a fast polka.

Again the rhythm changes and then again and faster too, until eventually we are dancing in a wild unrestrained manner.

I feel my hair whipping around my face as my plait loosens and becomes undone.

I am now completely out of breath, but there is no way my feet will stop.

Laughing with the sheer exuberance of the wild music, we dance faster and faster.

And all the time my partner looks as neat as when I first spotted him on the hill.

Finally he turns me once more and I am twirling helplessly on the spot, my purple frock, spinning out and away like a top.

At last I fall dizzily to the ground, pulling him with me.

‘Come away with me to the west and beyond’  He whispers in my ear.

‘If he kisses me I will’ I think, forgetting in that moment that I have a husband at home.

I close my eyes and turn my face invitingly to his.


Toms old sheep dog is licking my face.

It is early morning and I am lying in the ditch covered in dew.

My bike is lying next to me, its front wheel spinning , making a murmuring noise close to my ear.

I let go of the handle bar, I have been clinging to and push the old dog off me .

He sits back on its haunches wagging its tail.

I sit up dazedly, gathering up my hair which has come loose from its plait, and tie it into a swift knot on top of my head.

Noting with relief the road in front of me. I stand up and pull my bicycle upright, but its not until I actually step out onto the rough gravel that I realize my shoes are missing.


* Beware of the ‘little folk’ when you wander home at night.

They will have spotted you on your way earlier and will be watching out for you as you return home a bit the worst for wear.

They like nothing better than to ‘mischief make’ .

One of their favourite tricks is to lead the unsuspecting human to where they are holding a party (usually in a field where there is a hawthorn tree growing from a faerie fort) and watch as the innocent human literally dances the legs off himself, so spellbound are they by their music.

However you can confuse them by changing your appearance e.g wearing your coat inside out or back to front on your way home.

Interestingly these ‘ little folk’ are not the same as tiny faeries. Rather they are life sized, though smaller and slighter than the average human and are thought to be the remnants of the once powerful Tuatha Dé Danann, who lived in Ireland long ago and were driven underground when they lost a mighty battle to the Milesians . They have retained their supernatural powers and woe betide any human who crosses them.(for example by cutting down a hawthorn tree).




Taking the long cut (An Cailleach and being led astray)



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Just as my habit of taking the long cut, eventually brings me home, so my writing, with it’s twists and turns, eventually gets to the the point.

On Lá Féile Bríde (Saint brigids day) my sister, Imelda made the above sculpture of  ‘An Cailleach’ (the old hag).

Using the driftwood she gathered, she built it on site, on a stony beach, along the wild Atlantic way,

According to folklore, this particular old hag (there are others) appears on Saint Brigids day to stock up on timber for the following winter.

If the next winter is going to be severe, she will ensure the day is bright and sunny to allow her put down enough wood to see her through it.

The sculpture appears effortless, as though some wild winter wind had swirled along the shore, snatching up scraps of driftwood and whipping them into the shape of a human.

I love how its loose easy form sifts the flickering sunlight so that, when you look away for an instant and then back, you would swear you caught it in motion.

Then, just as some stories tell how An Cailleach, when finished her work, disappears into the sea, the next day the sculpture was gone,

Washed away by the tide, as my sister meant it to be.

But what her sculpture really reminded me of was the younger of two brothers whom I got to know when I lived beside this stretch of the Atlantic way.

I shall call this man ‘Tom’


I love to take a longcut.

Due to my curious nature, I find it much more beneficial than a shortcut.

So, after my mornings shopping, instead of going the straight route home, I choose the long slow push up out of the village.

When I reach the y junction at the coast road, I take the right fork, and freewheeling down a steep hill, brake at the bottom and turn sharply left onto an even smaller road.

A boreen really,

This takes me to the sea.

At first this boreen runs straight and looks as though it might actually end in the water, but, at the last moment, it turns right and runs parallel to the sea bringing me past the brothers cottage.

Here, turning another corner, it ends in the yard of the ‘Dream House’.

Now I should stick to my story, but I have to pause here to describe how this house earned it’s title.

The Dreamhouse sits in a sheltered hollow, in front of which, the strength of the sea has pushed the shingle into the shape of a large deep pool.

This pool, fed both by the sea when it breeches the shingle ‘dam’ at high tide, and by a meandering salmon filled river coming down from the mountain, is crystal clear and very cold.

The house, a long, one storied traditional cottage is protected on both sides by a series of neat sheds attached at right angles to both gables.

Like a pair of sheltering arms they embrace the cobbled yard on three sides.

At the open side facing the sea, a small stone bridge leads over the pool at the narrow point where the river runs into it.

It is more than just picturesque, it is cosy, familiar, sheltered.

The type of cottage, the likes of me, would dream about living in.

But back to my long cut!

Crossing the yard and going over the bridge, I continue my way which now splits in two!

One way heads along the shingle shore, a path too stony to push my bike, the other leads, to the gate of Packy’s field. (A field that features later on in my story)

Going through this gate, I follow a well worn track which makes its way diagonally across the field to another gate which in turn, brings me out onto yet another boreen.

By turning right here and cycling a short distance I am home.

It was by taking this long cut that I got to know Tom.

Tom spent a good portion of his day scuttling along the beach collecting fragments of  driftwood.

I say scuttling, not in a derogatory way, but because he was bent double from Kyphosis, which had worsened in old age.

So he made his way along swiftly and efficiently, bent near to the ground, picking as he went.

He piled these fragments into neat bundles and when he had cleared the beach of the days ‘takings’ would carry them up and over the shingle hill to his cottage.

Now the gods had not been kind to Tom, for along with this physical disability, he also had a speech impediment which must have been very frustrating for him as he always had plenty to say.

When I first met him I would pretend to understand what he was saying and nod my head every now and again, but he was shrewd and tricked me.

So once I ended up, standing there, nodding my head stupidly when, what he had asked was, where my house was.

I knew it was a trick question because being a ‘blow in’ every local person would know exactly where I lived.

After this I listened more carefully and as time went by I began to understand him or at least get the gist of what he was saying.

He talked a lot about the weather and the sea, not in the mundane fashion we are inclined to do when greeting others, but in a concerned one.

Whether that march blizzard on the horizon meant he should bring in the sheep about to lamb. How the late frost would sweeten the turnips in the ground.

And the sea!

He had a grave respect of its power.

He told me of the time when a storm coincided with the big tide and He woke to seaweed on the kitchen floor and boulders strewn haphazardly across the yard, one even landing up against the door.

‘Come down for tea come for tea for tea tonight’ is what I heard one spring day

And so I did.


A bottle of Poitin stood on the table of the brothers cottage and they placed the whiskey I had brought them carefully in the cupboard.

The loaf of my homemade soda bread they unwrapped with glee.

Tom took out a large knife from the dresser drawer and straightening up as best he could, held the bread against his chest. Then sawing towards his heart, cut slices as neat as those of the white sliced pan I spied when they were putting the bottle of whiskey away.

I couldn’t bear to watch, but no slippage of the knife occurred and at last a plate of neatly cut slices arrived on the table.

We had a cup of tea first and the thickly buttered bread.

I was given the chair nearest to the fire, and shared this shin scalding place with the old sheepdog who lay and twitched every now and again in the heat.

As the wind picked up and howled and darkness filled the windows, they opened the bottle of poitín and, pouring me a wee sup first, filled their own glasses to the brim.

We talked of this and that, who was sick and who had died until at last our chat turned to píseogs and old ways and being ‘led astray’.


Tom told his story in fits and starts.

He was coming home from the pub one night and took the shortcut through ‘Packy’s field’.

As he tried to describe how he walked around and around the field looking for the gate, his words ran faster and faster.

He was now speaking too quickly for me to understand so Pat, the elder brother, who had everything his younger brother lacked, took over the telling of it, with Tom nodding excitedly in agreement.

‘You not only put your coat on backwards but inside out too! isn’t that so Tom?’

Tom nodded frantically.

‘They (the little folk or what ever you want to call them)’ Pat explained ‘see you heading off and make note of ye.  Mark ye sort of and then await ye coming home, knowing you might have had a few and are easily caught and led astray. But, by putting your coat on differently on the way home, they don’t recognise ye. But it didn’t work in Tom’s case because they still tried their luck’.

Tom, knowing what was coming in the story, chuckled, holding his glass against his chest.

‘Around and around the field went Tom looking for the gate. In the place it should be and the place beyond where it should. But no gate. And then it dawned on ye, didn’t it Tom?’

Toms head wagged up and down again in agreement.

‘You were being led astray’

‘Goodness! So what did you do Tom?’ I asked curiously.

Again Pat answered for him.

This was serious stuff and they wanted to make sure I understood so I wouldn’t take Tom for an eejit.

And Tom allowed him continue, his bright eyes as blue as the sea, twinkling and sparkling with the fun of it, darting from my face to Pats and back again, hugging himself with delight, anxious for me to hear how he, instead of being fooled, had turned things on their tail and tricked the little folk instead.

‘Oh It was quite simple’ Pat said ‘He lay down in the shelter of the hedge and waited it out till the morning and as the sun rose there was the gate in the place it always stood. And though covered in dew, he was all in one piece and arrived at the back door just as I was putting the kettle on and about to call him’.

We sat in silence, mulling over the story as the poitín infused into our bones.

My eyes were beginning to close and if it wasn’t for Tom letting out a laugh of glee every now and again, I might have nodded off in the chair.

I knew I had better make a move so, standing up reluctantly, and stepping carefully over the sleeping dog, I bade the brothers farewell.

‘No don’t get up, I’ll see myself out’ and before they could stir, I took my coat off the hook and slipped out of the cottage.

‘Don’t forget to put your coat on inside out’ Pat called jokingly after me as I swung the old door shut.

The latch clicked and I stood for a few moments feeling the silence and blackness settle around me.

Feeling along the wall for my bicycle which I had left leaning against the gable, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and eventually they did.

I was just about able to make out the road ahead.

(I had already decided to avoid Packy’s field)

Clutching the handle bars, I placed my left foot on the left pedal and scooted off.

It was as I was threading my right foot over the bar and onto the right pedal that it happened.

I toppled, falling headlong into the ditch.

It is strange the thoughts that fly through your mind when taking a tumble.

As I flew through the air I remember thinking how I hadn’t put my coat on inside out.

In fact I hadn’t bothered putting it on at all.

I was dressed as I had arrived, in a frock and cardigan.

I landed, still clutching the handle bars,the bicycle landing on top of me.

I lay stunned for a few moments before wiggling my toes and fingers to make sure I hadn’t broken anything, then, taking a firm hold of the bike and pushing it off me, I used to steady myself and standing up made my way back into the road.

But there was no road, where the road should have been, only more ditch and now brambles .

to be continued.

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My sister Imelda, an Artist, lives in the old workhouse along the Wild Atlantic Way. These photo’s of her work, are hers.




On becoming slim (Impetuous thoughts of a spontaneous woman)



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Recently a friend gave me a diary entitled ‘I’m doing my best’, and I am about to put it to good use.


I haven’t yet given up on the idea of being slim.

In fact I have decided by late spring I will be thoroughly so.

Don’t laugh!

I am fully aware that most women of my age will have put such a notion to the side.

If they are still slim, they will probably concentrate on maintaining themselves at that level.

If they have ‘Let themselves go’ they will probably turn to other things of even better worth.

Art for example, and writing and films and theatre and of course, good food and excellent wine.

But not me.

At the age of 61 I am determined to give it one last shot.

And I’m hoping I wont have to put too much work into it

But the biggest downfall of my scheme is not the work. It is my spontaneity.

To go on a diet you have to be good at planning.

Being a woman of utmost spontaneity, planning is a strength I fail miserably at.

(As these few days of Red Alert due to heavy snow are proving).

Oh I can plan for everyone else!

I even rang my daughters to check that they had filled buckets with water, had candles handy, had filled flasks with hot water and had bought in plenty of essential foodstuffs.

Have you stocked up yourself Mom? They in turn asked me.

‘Oh yes’ I replied airily  ‘Indeed I have’.

But of course by day two, I had run out of food.

Now there is running out of food and RUNNING OUT OF FOOD.

The former is running out of your favorite food e.g Crisps, chocolate, wine.

Mine was the latter, a more serious type.

So basically I am on the first day of my diet and have, no milk, butter, vegetables nor fruit. No yogurt, cheese, pasta nor rice. No potatoes, chicken nor fish (I rarely eat meat so I didn’t expect to have any anyway).

What I have instead is, a half bag of flour and a bag of sugar. The bag of sugar I find by accident, shoved in at the back of the cupboard and as I don’t take sugar in tea or coffee, I suspect its left over from my daughter and her husbands recent stay. (see story below).

Nana Pepper Pot steals a story.

The sugar is a bit hard and lumpy (as though someone had being putting a wet teaspoon back into it, causing the grains to clump together like cement) but I am grateful that it is there at all.

And finally, in the fridge are three eggs, out of date by just one day.

These are also left over from my daughters stay.

Now, I am nervous of eggs at the best of times, even when in date.

You see, recently I experienced an episode of anaphylatic shock a few seconds into eating two soft poached eggs.

At first I thought I was having a cardiac arrest, my heart was going so fast. I felt really dizzy and was sure I was going to keel over any minute. But I said nothing, just sat clutching the table (and my chest) waiting for the feeling to pass.

Luckily no one noticed and after a moment or two I was able to get up and scrape the remainder of the eggs into the bin.

‘Oh yes’ my mother informed me when I told her on my next visit.

‘Sure you were allergic to eggs from the time you were little, they made you really sick. Did I not tell you that?’ she looked at my anxiously.

‘Maybe you did’ I reassured her.

(Coming from a large family it is not wise to be allergic to anything. Firstly, because food is too precious a commodity to miss out on any element of and secondly, if an allergy was discovered, how was a mother supposed to remember which of her eight children actually had the allergy and to what ingredient.)

Anyway between childhood and adulthood I never favoured eggs so rarely ate them.

Why I chose to eat the two that morning remains a mystery.

But back to my three ingredients.

I am starving at this point.

Luckily eggs don’t appear to effect me when they are incorporated into other food, so without bothering to weigh out my ingredients and after first banging the bag of sugar with a rolling pin to separate the grains, I throw the sugar into a bowl, followed by the eggs ( I sniff each gingerly before adding).

Beating them furiously until pale and creamy, I then fold in the flour and put the lot into a cake tin and into the oven.

I nearly licked the spoon but remembered just in time.

Fifteen minutes later I take out a beautifully risen sponge cake (who said you have to sift the flour) and sitting down at the table with it and a cup of tea, I open my new diary.

On the first page I carefully insert the date into the neat little boxes supplied.

Then, instead of filling in the lines with, Tuna, lettuce, Tomato, cottage cheese, a slice of wholegrain bread, or some other slimming type food stuff’s of the well planned Diet-er,

I simply write, CAKE.

So after doing my best today, I am hoping I will see a good result on the scales tomorrow.

And even though I thoroughly enjoyed the snow, I am hoping that the Red Alert will be lifted and the shops and my abode filled with tuna, tomato, cottage cheese and lettuce.

The end.





The Super Duper yellow bicycle (thoughtless acts of kindness)



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So here comes Nanny pepper pot,

On her yellow bicycle.

Pedaling along, head bent against the wind and rain.

red cape flying out behind.

Red cape?

Ah no! that’s just her raincoat.

Super Nanny,

Shes a Super Duper Granny.


One could easily compare the yellow bicycle to a sort of magic carpet because once I take off on her, any adventure or good deed I have or do, is out of my control.

So keeping that in mind, please don’t think I am looking for praise when I tell you the story of a true occurrence that took place a while back, when I was cycling to work.

It is an early Sunday morning in Spring.

Seven am to be exact.

I am cycling to work on the yellow bicycle.

The weather is dreadful, visibility poor because of the rain and the wind is so strong I am struggling, head bent against it.

But I am not the only one struggling.

As I reach the Blackrock shopping center, I see a man running down a side street.

His coat is open as though he didn’t have the time to button it and is flapping like a sail in the wind.

He is also struggling with a large wheely suitcase. which, weaving along behind him, sometimes overturns as he pulls it impatiently across the uneven surfaces of manholes and dips in the pavement.

This causes him to lose momentum, because, each time it does, he has to stop and right it.

I also see the reason for his hurry.

Ahead, The Patton flyer, (the small bus that ran this route to the airport before the days of the present day Aircoach) is pulling away from the bus stop.

The man rounding the corner on to the main road, is seconds too late.

‘Stop! Wait’ He shouts waving his free hand frantically at the receding red tail lights.

But it is hopeless, the wind carries his voice away.

(As a user of this service I understand the predicament he is in. This small bus only runs every hour on the hour and missing it probably will probably also mean missing his flight, unless of course he can afford to hail a taxi.)

At this stage I have come parallel to him.

and passing him, I call out.

‘Don’t worry I’ll stop the bus’ (remember I am on the yellow bicycle so this is uttered almost unbeknownst to my self)

My words are also swept away in the wind and I don’t think he hears me because he has slowed down, head dropping, defeated.

For a moment I am tempted to pretend I said nothing and just keep going to work but the yellow bicycle has other ideas and I find myself cycling faster.

And even though I know I have no hope in gaining on the red tail lights of the receding bus, I don’t give up.

As luck would have it, there is a set of traffic lights a few meters beyond the bus stop and these lights turn red.

The bus is forced to stop.

I see my chance and putting all my energy into turning those pedals around and hoping that the lights won’t change, I succeed in pulling up along side the drivers door .

I lean from my bike and rap my knuckles loudly against his window.

He glances sideways, his eyes widening in horror as he looks at the apparition staring in at him.

I see fear in his eyes (I understand what he is  thinking.)

So to let him see it is not the ‘hold up’ he imagines it to be, I pull off my hood.

Relief floods across his face as he sees I’m a woman and not a mad gunman.

Still cautious, he lowers his window slightly.

‘Yes?’ He cranes his head to speak through the small opening he has created.

‘Oh please,’ I have to shout above the wind and the noise of his engine. ‘There is a poor man back there. He is nearly having a heart attack trying to catch you. PLEASE wait for him”

To my surprise the driver smiles and nods and as the lights turn green, he pulls over to the pavement.

I look back and see that my friend, recognising he has another chance, is starting to run again.

Job done, I get on my bike and continue on my way to work.

The bus catches up with me at Booterstown and passing me, the driver toots the horn loudly.

I look up to see a dozen faces peering and waving at me through the rain covered windows.

And then I see my friend.

‘Thank you’ He mouths as the bus disappears into the rainy morning.

I hope the hairdryer is working in the nurses changing room.


Sadly the Patton flyer is no more. Some bureaucratic problem with a licence caused it to be taken off the road.  instead its been replaced by a huge impersonal air-coach which I cannot imagine would be so good as to carry out this simple but meaningful deed.

The end.






The woman in the purple skirt. (Not just a kind face)



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I have always been slightly eclectic in what I wear and have no intention in changing just because I like to go about on a bicycle.

But why this need to wear such ‘spoke defying’ clothing (flowing skirts, dresses and footwear such as wellies, sandal, even bare feet) in the first place ?

The incident I am about to tell you of, might well be the underlying reason for my longing to be different.


One day when I was about eight years of age my mother took my siblings and I into town on the bus.

It must have been for something of major importance like buying school uniforms or new shoes because I’m sure she didn’t take such a journey lightly.

It was no easy task to bring six children into Dublin city center in those days on public transport. (Not that it is any easier today but at least now you can check on your phone as to what time the next bus will arrive at).

Anyway as she was ushering us all into Clearys department store, I received a sharp slap across the cheek. The owner of the hand that slapped me belonged to a man, who then proceeded to grab me by the arm and I was instantly absorbed into a large family going in the opposite direction.

Luckily for me my mother’s sharp eye spotted what was happening . She caught me by my other arm and pulled me safely back into her fold.

The man realising his mistake began to blubber ‘I’m sorry missus! I thought she was one of mine’.

He was obviously on the verge of cracking.

My mother instinctively understood the mishap and feeling pity for him stopped long enough to listen to his story, (while we took the opportunity to play merry -go-round in the large revolving glass entrance door).

‘The wife is in the Coombe having baby number seven and I thought I’d take the kids into town for a treat. I thought one of yours was one of mine’

I was traumatised by the event. not because I was nearly abducted but because it struck me, even at that young age, that I was so lacking in individuality, I could have belonged into any brown haired, fair skinned, Irish family.

From that day on I took every opportunity to prove I was different.

(A unique individual, rather than an unimportant cog in the family workings).

For example, when it was my turn to set the table, I would put my knife on my left hand side and my fork on my right

When challenged, I swore that this was how I always ate.

‘Maybe I’m just different’ I would say, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly.

When my dad was showing us how to find the blind spot in our eye, an experiment  he did by holding up his finger, I swore I didn’t have a blind spot.

But you must have’ He said crossly.

‘Maybe I’m just different’ but I said it to myself.

You did not argue with my dad.

Later as a teenager when others tried to copy the fashions of their idols, I did the opposite.

If the fashion said long, I wore short.

If it said short, I wore long.

Just the other day my daughters and I were laughing about the oddities of dress code they followed in their teens.

‘What kind of thing did you wear Mom?

‘I wore what everyone else wasn’t wearing’ was my reply.

I remember the first outdoor folk concert I attended.

It was in the park in Blackrock.

A sea of denim filled the slopes that led down to the stage, except for me!

I wore a long cotton nightie I had appliqued with colorful flowers and with a colorful ‘petticoat’ showing underneath.

‘Do I look at least a little bit different? maybe exotic?’ I appealed to one of my sisters twirling in front of her  in my latest creation.

‘Ah no’ she replied ‘your cheeks are too rosy, your eyes are too close together and too blue. You don’t look anyway exotic but you do have a sort of Kind face’.

I was so disappointed

Who wanted to be the owner of a kind face?


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My ‘Kind ‘ face seemed to draw unwanted attention

No I don’t mean that men were falling at my feet to gaze adoringly at it.

It was more the sort of face that invited people to tell their woes to.


It is summer and I am on the dart home after a thirteen hour shift at the hospital.  Exhausted, not just physically but mentally too.

I am what I term ‘peopled out’.

The day has been bedlam with hardly time for a tea break.

But at last I am cycling madly along the Merrion road and arrive in one piece at the dart station just in time for the train.

Happily the carriage I choose is empty.

I secure my bicycle to the rail , open the window and sit back with a long sigh.

The train stops at Booterstown and a woman gets in.

She sits down on the seat across from mine.

I can feel her looking at me even though I am staring out at the sea.

I concentrate on its color and texture and wishing I was swimming in it.

I hear her getting up.

‘Excuse me’ she leans across me to close the window.

Looking meaningfully down the empty carriage with its rows of unoccupied seats and closed windows, I say politely ‘If you don’t mind, I would like you to leave the window open. Its so stuffy and I have been stuck inside all day’

‘Oh but then I wont be able to hear you properly’

She is now settling herself down opposite me.

‘You know how it is when the windows are open? you can hear every rattle of the wheels and it makes talking impossible’

I stare at her in dismay realising what is coming but am too tired to object.

Regarding me for a moment, as though considering where to begin, she then starts.

‘I have made the biggest mistake of my life’

‘I hope you don’t mind me telling you this, but you do have such a kind face’.

She goes on to tell me that she has just recently bought a house in Salthill Galway to be near her newly married daughter, not realising her daughter had been planning to move back to Dublin.

And had done so recently.

‘So I come all the way up to visit her … see if she needs a hand and she is so annoyed that I haven’t rung her in advance that she wouldn’t open the door for an age.  She says they don’t need help and as she doesn’t have a spare bed I can’t stay with them so now I’ve to go and stay the night with a friend’.

She looks at me as she pauses for a breath and for one dreadful minute I think she might ask if she can stay with me.

The woman with the kind face.

But she doesn’t.

Instead she continues her rant.

‘I think it is very selfish … after all I’ve done for her  …. so ungrateful.. ring in advance… as though I was a stranger… have you any daughters?

She has to repeat the last question as I am no longer listening.

But she persists, so I take a deep breath and reply.

‘Yes I have two daughters, and in fairness, as we are in a digital age, whether we like it or not, the norm is to ring and check if it’s suitable to visit, so that’s what I do.

She opens her mouth but closes it again.

‘I suppose you are right’ she says at last ‘Oh look! here is my stop’.

The dart is pulling into Killiney station.

She picks up her designer bag and hoists it onto one shoulder. Her hair is impeccably groomed. Her outfit glamorous.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the window, red faced, hair array.

Then just before the door opens she turns to me again.

‘I envy you, you look so serene’

With that she hops onto the platform, high heals clicking along the stone steps.

I watch her disappear through the turnstile then practice pulling mean faces at my reflection in the window.

But its no good I just cannot change that kind serene face.

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The end

Many thanks to Nutan http://www.nutan.ie/ for the ‘Kind face’ photo’s




Nanny Pepper Pot and the lowly Art of Tissue Paper Dancing.



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There hasn’t been any great change in my circumstances since my last post.

I am still waiting to have my home back, but more than that the yellow bike is still standing patiently on the balcony.

 So, what could Nanny Pepper Pot do for exercise when she is not riding her yellow bicycle?

Well there is tissue paper dancing for a start.

I am not obsessed with exercise but I understand the need for it.

And, although I cycle a lot, I never equate pushing pedals around as a means of getting fit.

I cycle for the love of motion.

For the ingenious self propelled way of getting here and there.

I love that travelling on a bicycle allows me to be open to the elements and that from my saddle, I can get the sensation of my surroundings.

The smells of the hawthorn, honey suckle, dog roses can easily assail me as I sail by them. The sounds of the sea or running water can tickle my ears. The wind in my hair. even the rain on my cheeks all add to this awareness.

I love that cycling moves me at a speed faster than walking but still slow enough to allow me look at the passing scenery and stop easily whenever something small needing closer examination catches my eye.

The fact that all this is also exercise comes as a bonus.

I also realise that sailing along upon my lofty saddle, marginally higher above the ground than if I was on my feet, is probably the nearest I will ever get to flying.


When I was young I had a recurrent dream that I could fly.

It was a very realistic dream and when I woke from it I could still remember the sensation of being airborne.

It wasn’t the graceful flight of an eagle or even the clumsy flight of a pigeon.

It was the best flight an awkward solid boned wingless creature who should remain earthbound could manage.

To begin the exercise I would stand on a chair.

Then, using a type of downward ‘swan lake ballet’ lower arm movement, with my upper arms flexible but held closer to my sides, I would concentrate on feeling the resistance of the air against my hands.

When I felt I had built up enough pressure, I would move my arms and hands faster and launch myself off the chair.

This was where I brought my legs and feet into action.

kicking furiously as though swimming, whilst continuing with the arm movements, I would sustain a few moments of being airborne.

Disappointingly I never managed to ‘level out’ but would continue in a slight upright forward leaning position, a few inches off the ground for maybe ten seconds.

It was exhausting.

I tried to explain it to a friend once and she excitedly told me that she too had dreams about flying.

But the type she described were the ‘romantic’ kind. The kind where she soared effortlessly like a bird over the mountains and sea.

I felt hers was ridiculously unobtainable, whereas mine might work if I kept at it.



I am leaping to the music of ‘Recueredos de le alhambra’

Jumping high into the air, arms stretched upwards.

Twirling and catching the delicate white tissue paper as it floats above my head.

Throwing it up again and again to the sky

I catch one corner and zigzag it in front of me in a sort of traditional silk ribbon dance way, its tail following my hand obediently.

I raise my arm and the tissue paper follows floating softly slowly upward.

I rotate my arm in large circles, standing on tip toe, swirling the delicate piece around and around until it becomes a swirling circle.

I grab a spare piece and faster and faster I twirl them.

They are white snakes chasing their tails and at last I throw them high and two delicate doves float gently to the ground.

I fall breathlessly also to the floor, laughing.

I am doing tissue paper dancing.

But this dance was not my idea.

It is invented by my youngest grandson.



‘Beware of the quiet child’ my mother always warned, ‘they are usually up to mischief’!

My youngest grandson, and partly the reason why my yellow bicycle is still on the balcony, has been in my bedroom for a while.

He has covered up his silence by inserting a disc into the CD player.

Yes, at two years of age he has figured out the workings of this complex old fashioned machine and surprises me every day with his eclectic choice.

We could start the day listening to something as cool as JJ Cale or Santana and by lunch time we might be on to Puccini.

To me there is no rational to his choice of material but he knows what he likes and though too young to read the labels will listen to a few strains first before deciding whether to let it play on or whether he will press the reject button.

So now, as the strains of the Alhambra fill the room, I know I should get up and check on him.

But before I get a chance to do so, he comes running into me with some large pieces of white tissue paper he has found in a box.

He stands in front of me and throws them up in the air, watching them float downwards.

His face is a picture of joy and wonder.

Then not content with just throwing he starts to run with them floating out behind in time to the music and so the tissue dance is born.


We are in the mid dance when my second eldest grandson arrives (I have four grandsons).

This lad is a wiry nine year old who’s interest lies in hockey, football, swimming and sailing.

I think he will laugh at us or be bored by the simplicity of our dance.

But he joins in with enthusiasm adding his own version.

We watch as throwing the tissue high, he twists beneath it and blowing with all his might keeps the paper afloat.


as it floats down again he curls low beneath it like a limbo dancer.


and lower again

and just as we are giving up hope the tissue paper floats up again.


and up.


Maybe I should rename it the Limbo tissue paper dance.

But what ever it is called it has given me hours of fun and exercise almost akin to riding my bicycle.

Hmm, I wonder if I could fashion some kind of parachute from it.

The End.



Nana Pepper Pot steals a story.



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Sometimes its only when something is taken away and then given back that we really appreciate it.

In my case it was my apartment, which I always considered small.

Until my daughter and family moved in that is, while their home was being renovated.

And as they filled my place with themselves, a child and dog and all the accoutrements that goes with a family of that number, I realised just how small it was and I feared for my sanity.

But then they left and I saw I had nothing to moan about in the first place.

Once they were gone my apartment appeared HUGE, and airy and very spacious.

This family upheaval reminded me of the old story which I have stolen and put my own twist on…


Nana Pepper Pot

Once upon a time there was a woman and her name was Nana Pepper Pot.

Now though Nana had loved many times and moved many times and lived in many places of many sizes, she finally ended up living on her own in a small apartment by the sea.

This was good because she enjoyed living alone.

She loved to write and paint and now could do so without interference, spreading her paints and writing equipment far and wide across the kitchen table and leaving them there for days on end if she so pleased.

She could come and go exactly when she wished.

She could leave her yellow bicycle beside the fire and hang her clothes out to dry on it.

She could cook or not cook depending on her appetite.

She could leave the books she was dipping in and out of strewn across her sofa.

She could place her house plants hither and thither.

She could be tidy or untidy depending on her humor.

Yes! she was very happy to live alone, but she was not so happy with the size of her  apartment.

And even though she could skip seven steps from one sitting room wall before arriving at the other,

And even though she could jump ten leaps from the kitchen before she arrived at the tall panes of glass that slid open to allow her onto her balcony. (On which she liked to spend her summer evenings, with a glass of wine, sitting hidden among her runner bean plants, gazing across at the mountain.)

And though she had a separate bedroom, with a high wide bed in which she could lie and through the window, look across at that same mountain

and a bathroom with a full sized bath,

She longed for her home to be bigger.

“But look” her friends remarked when they called in for coffee, “Even with your yellow bicycle here by the fire, you still have plenty of space.”

And did some yoga stretches to prove it.

And even when Marcella knocked the tulips off the coffee table while executing the Downward Dog (Don’t ever try drinking coffee before yoga), there was still space enough for Nana to leap up safely from the cobra pose (her favourite) and catch the flowers before they hit the floor.

And though she noted how her friends were able to put on their coats and get past each other to reach their shoes, without stepping on each others toes,  she just felt if ONLY she had more space.

When her friends were gone, she mooched about moodily, straightening the rug, washing the coffee cups, (this was one of her tidier days), watering her plants, dusting the many stones she collected from the beach on her morning walks, and as she became lost in her chores, she suddenly had an idea and wondered why she hadn’t thought of it before.

The woman of much wisdom

The woman of much wisdom lives in a large yurt on the top of the mountain.

The same mountain Nana could see from her small apartment.

No one knew the woman’s real name (It was Ann! but she knew if she admitted to an name this simple it would cause much disappointment to those that came in search of her wisdom. And though wise, it never occurred to her that she could have taken on a more exotic name for herself, one that would suit her new station in life!) so people referred to her in short as ‘the wise woman’.

She was well known to the people of the village as someone who had an answer for everything.

She also dabbled in cures, which if truth be told rarely worked, but the locals continued to come with their ailments as they knew it was in-vogue to be seen attending a healer, and no one wanted to appear to the other as odd.

So it was a common sight to see the wise woman stumbling across the mountain in her long robes and hessian sack, picking wild herbs for her potions.

On this particular day, as she sits outside her yurt in the morning sun, drinking beer from a bottle, she glimpses something yellow wending its way along the small boíthrín* leading to the base of the mountain.

She takes another sip before hiding the still half full bottle in the folds of her flowing purple garments.

(sometimes, she feels that the expectations the villagers have of her, causes her much inconvenience).

When she looks again she sees the yellow thing, possibly a bicycle, leaning against the gate from which the path up the mountain led.

After a good twenty minutes, during which, she thinks grumpily, she could have easily finished her beer, a woman appears over the brow of the hill.

A red faced woman whose hair is tied up on top of her head in an untidy fashion.

It is Nana!

And Nana throws herself down on the grass in front of the wise woman, blowing her fringe off her hot forehead and sighing.

“Phew its hot, that’s some climb, I’m puffed”.

The wise woman does not reply but instead purses her lips.

She wishes people would take a more respectful stance on approach.

She always imagined that they should walk slowly towards her, hands clasped, eyes lowered in reverence.

“Well what can you expect!” The wise woman’s best friend, Mary, also a wise woman, remarked when Ann mentioned this to her.

“You do choose to hold your sessions on the top of a mountain,

It’s the reason why I live in the wood by the river, on the flat.

My clients are able to approach with respect! Your’s are so puffed out by that climb up the mountain, they need to lie down for a minute or two and catch their breath.

I know because I have to do the same when I come to visit you”.

She was a very insightful wise woman.

But our wise woman preferred her mountain top for obvious reasons.

“How many times” she pointed out to Mary “Have you complained about your lack of privacy,

How many times have you nearly been caught unawares?

Remember the time I came upon you and you were having a sneaky cigarette?.

Ha Ha  you nearly swallowed it in fright, thinking I was a client.”

She chortled at the memory before continuing.

“Nope! I would gladly give up my clients lack of  reverence in return for not being caught on the hop!”

“Or with a bottle of hop” Her friend had a mean streak when provoked.

But now she takes a deep cleansing breath and putting that memory and her friends nasty reply aside, turns to the red faced woman lying on the grass in front of her.

And Nana remembering who she is visiting, scrambles to her knees and bowing low clasps her hands in front of her chest and explains her problem.

“Please can you advise me what to do”

The wise woman looks out across the valley as though in a trance and just as Nana, thinking the woman hasn’t heard her, is about to repeat her question, speaks.

“Is that your bicycle down at the gate?”

“It is” replies a puzzled Nana.

“Well bring it in to your apartment” the wise woman instructs.

“Oh I always do that” says Nana, wondering why the wise woman has an interest in her bicycle

“Well do you have another bicycle then?” The wise woman asks testily

“Yes” Nana replies surprised “I have a purple one. Unlike the yellow bicycle which I keep by the fire, the purple one it lives on my balcony. You see I don’t use it that often because sometimes it…”

“Bring it in too!” The wise woman snaps, cutting Nana short “and put it by the fire beside the yellow bicycle and come back to me next week,”

Still puzzled by this odd request, Nana heads off down the mountain to do as bid.

A week later, the wise woman sees the yellow bicycle approaching again, but this time she enjoys her beer a while longer before once again hiding it easily,  just as Nana appears.

“I don’t understand’ Nana exclaims when she has caught her breath, ‘Moving both bikes in has made my home smaller not larger!”

“Have you a dog?” The wise woman asks ignoring Nana’s obvious agitation.

“I don’t” replies Nana “But my daughter does.”

“Borrow your daughters dog” Instructs the wise woman “And bring the dog and her bed and her bowl into the apartment, and come back to me next week”

Nana stomps off down the mountain, very dubious of the wise woman’s advise but determined to go along with it as, everyone says she is very wise.

A week later the wise woman see’s the yellow bicycle approaching once more.

Nana, when she appears over the brow of the hill, looks so tired and tearful that the wise woman, who, unlike her friend, is actually really quite kind, has to stop herself offering Nana one of her bottles of beer.

“I really dont get it!”  whimpers Nana, when once again she has caught her breath “I now have a dog getting in my way. Her bed is taking up a lot of space and every night I step in her water bowl when I get out of bed to pee.”

The wise woman closes her eyes.

She wishes people wouldn’t use such crude words in her presence but she understands it is part of the healing process.

She also wishes she could take one gulp of the now warm bottle of beer hidden as usual in her garments just to sooth her nerves.

Really! people came to her with the oddest of requests, this being a particularly difficult one.

She takes a deep cleansing breath and opens her eyes again.

“Do you have any children?” She demands.

“Well Yes” replies Nana “I have the daughter who owns the dog and another daughter who is also married with three children. In fact it is my eldest daughter, who owns the dog, lives nearby and she is married  to my son in law and my grandson is two and really so sweet and they are renovating their house at the mo…”

Again the wise woman cuts her short

“Bring your daughter and grandson and their bedding and clothes and your grandsons toys into your house and come back in a week.”

So once again Nana trods down the mountain and goes home to do the wise woman’s bidding

And arrives back a week later.

This time her hair is on end and her eyes are red from lack of sleep and she doesn’t pause for breath.

“Really this is getting ridiculous” She shouts, sorry that she has ever come to see the wise woman. “My apartment is now so crowded you couldn’t swing a cat in it”

This gives the wise woman an idea and just as she is about to enquire if Nana knows anyone who owns a cat, Nana throws herself onto the grass and continues with a loud wail.

“AND my daughter is missing her husband and my grandson is crying for his father and they are keeping me awake at night”

“Well duh” says the wise woman “Bring your son in law in too so!”

‘Oh and come back in a week!’

These last words she has to shout after Nana’s departing figure.

The following week the Nana appears unexpectedly and the wise woman barely manages to hide her bottle in time.

“Where is your yellow bicycle?” She demands testily “I didn’t see it coming along the boithrin”

Nana is that cross, she can barely spit the words out in reply.

“My home is now so crowded with the two bikes, my daughter, grandson, son in law, the dog and their accoutrements, there was no room to manoeuvre  the yellow bicycle out the door. I had to walk all the way.”

The wise woman thinks deeply

“Ok” she says after a few moments have passed.

“Go home and send the family back to their own house, along with their dog and all their accoutrements. Then, put the purple bike AND the yellow bicycle out on the balcony and come back to me next week”

Broken, Nana turns slowly and with head drooping goes back down the mountain.

She is actually looking forward to the long walk home, so dreading is she at the thought of trying to squeeze herself into her over crowded apartment.

A week later the wise woman smiles to herself and quickly tucks the just sipped at bottle into the folds of her garments.

She has just spotted the yellow bicycle jauntily wending its way along the boithrin.

Ten minutes later Nana hops up over the brow of the hill as sprightly as a daisy.

Her cheeks are glowing.

Her silky smooth hair is swinging tidily about her face.

“You are so WISE and so AMAZING” She says, not one bit out of breath.

“I did as you bid and sent everyone home and put both bicycles out on the balcony and now my home feels so spacious and roomy and LARGE.”

and with that she flings herself at the wise woman and gives her a big hug.

and if she feels a bottle of beer hidden among the folds of robes she gives no indication.

“But the people of the village say you take no payment?  I MUST bring you something in return for your wisdom”

The wise woman looks across across the valley

“Well” she says, after much thought.

“A six pack would be nice,”


*Boíthrín; small road or lane way, usually with grass growing down the center.

bikes and wine 024


That’s NOT where it belongs (death of a yellow bicycle)



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Due to the circumstances I am about to describe, the yellow bicycle has been removed from her usual place by the fire (when not in travel mode she forms a means of drying clothes) and now stands on my balcony at the mercy of the elements.

As I sit writing I can see her gazing dolefully across at sugar loaf, whilst also managing to cast baleful glances through the window at me.

Why is she being so dramatic?

Bicycles are outdoor creatures!

Its not as though she can catch her death of cold.

I have mollycoddled her too much.

I draw the curtain so that I can write in peace.

Who moved my coffee!

A while ago I wrote a piece about what happens when I get too involved with my daughters lives.

Moving in teabag by teabag ( Here’s your bicycle and what’s your hurry)

Now the shoe is on the other foot

My eldest daughter and her husband are extending their house.

It is nearly Christmas and the build has run into a few delays.

At first the plan was that they would be able to live in the house except for a day or two when the new floors were being laid as they would both be at work during the week.

But a few days before the job is due to finish they realise how dangerously dusty it has become and they set about looking for somewhere to stay in the interim.

I come up with a solution

There are three of them and a dog.

There is only one of me.

It makes more sense that I move out and stay somewhere and let them have my small one bed-roomed abode.

After all it is only for a few days.

They arrive with a lot of stuff.

Not their fault.

A working couple need their office clothes and leisure clothes, night wear, hygiene stuff. laptops, phone chargers.

A child need toys and clothes and nappies and baby wipes,

A dog needs her bed and food bowl ( if I stand on that water bowl once more!)

Did I mention my apartment is small?  Did I mention they were staying for a few days only?

Time marches on. Another building delay. The few days turns into a week and another week and they are still here.

I really don’t mind.

That much.

Its just ….

Well the yellow bicycle hasn’t a hope of returning to her place by the fire before Christmas.

and someone keeps moving my coffee.

The tidy scoring system

I am a tidy person.

on a tidy scale of one to ten I would probably score a six.

This might not seem such a high score for my profession as a nurse.

But anything over a four is high in our family.

In saying that, I do have a daughter who scores an eight.

She could score a ten except that she has a black Labrador who sheds a lot.

And if you should meet that daughter she is most likely to have a sweeping brush in hand. (Been caught with accoutrements of tidiness can lower your score because it does not give an accurate reading.)

But I wasn’t always tidy

To be perfectly Honest

Growing up I shared a bedroom with my sister.

Now the bedrooms in our house were utilitarian. My father, an architect, was ahead of his time where interior decor was involved.

So while my friends bedrooms sported fake velvet headboards, chintzy bedspreads, dizzymaking carpets of multicoloured floral patterns and those kidney shaped dressing table with a three sided mirror, (Not encouraged to gaze at ourselves we had no mirror in bedroom) ours consisted of homemade bunk beds designed to leave as much floor space free as possible, a sleek built in wardrobe and ….

well that was it!

A bed and a wardrobe on (you guessed it ) a floor of wooden boards.

So ashamed was I of my minimalist room, that whenever I had a friend over, I would haul one of the beautiful mahogany bespoke chairs down from the open plan dining room and place it beside my bed to give the semblance of extra furniture.

I didn’t realise until years later that my friends considered my bedroom amazing. and looking back it was.

The wooden floors were solid oak. the sliding wardrobes the best mahogany and the beds handcrafted.

As clean and crisp a room as you would find these days on Pinterest.

Any way my sister was as tidy as I was untidy so, to prevent friction, we drew a line across the floor,(Did I mention we were allowed, encouraged even to draw on anything that didn’t move)And from then on her side of the room remained ultra tidy with clothes folded neatly (On the floor?) while my side remained strewn with abandoned garments.

Now though as handy as it might seem to just step out of ones clothes there was a downside.

As I lay awake in the semi dark (did we even have curtains?) dreaming of boys, the folds of clothes on the floor began to take the shape of faces.

Evil faces.

The more I stared the eviler they became until at last, unable to bear them any longer, I would creep from under my warm covers into the cold (why would you even consider that we might have central heating) and move them around.

Facing those Demons

I like a clean bed as much as the next.

Maybe even more than the next.

One of my favourite pleasures in life is a deep bath followed by a climb into a soft bed bedecked with fresh sheets.

Nothing wrong with that you say, but the problem was I would feel so languorous after my bath (others might call this lazy) I didn’t bother removing the old sheet.

Instead I would just lay a clean one on top.

None of the rest of my family noticed or at least no one complained.

Maybe they didn’t bath or change their sheets as frequently and I carried on this habit for quite some time.

Until my sisters wedding,

It all comes out in the wash in the end

My sister is getting married.

And with some of her friends planning to stay at our house, she sets about making up spare beds for them.

And quickly runs out of clean sheets

‘Nonsense’ exclaims my mother. ‘there are plenty of fresh sheets in the linen press’

I overhear this conversation while munching on toast and marmalade from the depths of my (very soft) bed.

As my sisters footsteps gets louder (oh those bare floorboards) I slide slowly and guiltily, lowering my self under the warmth of my blankets, creasing the many layers of sheets as I do so.

At last only the top of my head is visible.

But I continue eating, frantically munching on my warm safe toast (did i mention I eat when I’m stressed)


Before I get a chance to reply she rips the covers off me and the evidence is exposed.

Not only is my plate of crusts and crumb covered top sheet visible to the public but the twenty something under sheets as well.

The truth is out and the shame.

‘You are not only lazy but untidy too’ My sister shouts.

She spots the heaps of clothes on my floor.

‘How can you BEAR to live in such a mess! And what am I suppose to do now? ‘

‘Quickly quickly, wash the sheets?’ I hear you say

Ah! normally that would be a good idea, but you see we had no washing machine.

We can blame that on my mother.

On going out to buy one, she passed an art gallery and popped inside (just for a quick look she told us later).

She emerged after a while and nestled in her purse where the washing machine money should have been, was a receipt for an original Gerard Dillon or it may have been the T P Flanagan, to be delivered to the house the next day.

So mostly she washed by hand (no doubt gazing lovingly at her purchase) and every once in a while she would send one of us down with a bag of larger items to the locally washateria.

This bag being too heavy to carry was placed on a pram and I cried bitterly when it was my turn (my childhood shame was never ending)

Oh how I would have gladly cast aside my shame and willingly pushed the pram of sheets down that day.

But the wedding was now imminent and the guests arriving soon so there was no time for even that.

I cannot remember what the final outcome was.

To allay my shame and possibly have an insight into my continued martyred approach to life I like to think I spent my sisters wedding, Cinderella-like, washing sheets while everyone else was having fun.

But the reality was my used sheets were probably reused.

Maybe if you were one of those guests you could throw a light on this?

or I could ask my sister but I’d rather not remind her……


















Its that time of year again (No not Christmas!)



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Once again it’s time for my scans, bloods and mole check.

And once again they are clear.

I go down to the sea and shout a thanks to the sea birds, seals, dolphins and whoever wishes to listen and rejoice with me.

You are probably wondering why I want to keep reminding myself of my illness, after all it is eight years ago since my diagnosis and probably high time to put it behind me.

But having to face these scans every year won’t allow me to forget and anyway sometimes it’s good to feel that panic and fear again followed by the relief.

It reminds me of those promises I made to myself if I survived……

To stay healthy,

To lose weight,

To not stress so much.

And to dare!

”Two pots of homemade jam,

a cup of tea and a hug”

Maybe he said a cup of tea in a mug

Yes! that must have been it.

She must have misheard.


”To dare is to lose your footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose your whole life”

So said Soren Kirkegaard.

I have ‘dared’ many times but getting cancer wasn’t one of them.

And even though some people consider my journey with cancer as daring.

I don’t see it so at all.

Daring is when you open up to someone knowing you may be rejected.

Daring is to allow yourself be vulnerable.

Daring is when no matter how many times you have failed you are prepared to try again.

With cancer I dared to take on the journey only because I had no other option.

But maybe I was too daring with the other things that were going on in my life at the time.

Maybe I kept too much of the stress and pain of that time to myself.

Maybe it was my daring that gave me cancer in the first place.


The signs (a true story)


Mary and I are sitting on the grass under a large chestnut tree behind the hospital.

We are (two nurses) on our lunch break.

Mary is picking daisies and I start making a daisy chain from them, piercing each stem and threading a flower through.

As she hands one over she says

‘This is when you were born’

Handing  another one she continues,

‘and this is when you fell in love’.

and another..

‘This is when you got married and this is when your daughters were born’

I  correct her

‘I had my daughters first THEN I got married’

‘Whatever’ (she is not interested in the details of my personal life)

‘This is when you got divorced.

This is when you started working here!’

There is one daisy left….

‘And this is when I die’ I say taking it from her.

I am joking of course.

A week later I am diagnosed with a life threatening illness.


Its early April 2009 and a beautiful sunny spring morning.

I am pushing my new yellow bicycle along the Merrion road towards Blackrock.

There are two reasons why I am pushing (as opposed to cycling it)

Firstly, I’m crying so much I can’t see where I am going.

And secondly, the radiologist I have just attended has warned me against cycling.

(In fact he is not one bit happy that I haven’t organised someone collect me.)

There is good reason for my tears too.

I have just had a suspicious lump in my groin biopsied.

But even without results, the outcome is already fairly certain.

A metastatic melanoma.

Having a fair idea of my diagnosis I want to grieve alone, to wail as loud as can.

To shout ‘Noooo, not me’.

I want to throw myself on the rocks beside the sea and graze my skin on the small innocent barnacles.

To draw blood.

To feel totally and utterly sorry for myself.

And I don’t want any of my family or friends witnessing my grief.

I want to be miserable in peace.

So ignoring the anxious faces looking at me from passing car windows and with much snivelling, I wipe my dripping nose and eyes alternatively on my sleeve and the hem of my dress and push along.

Now there is only so much crying you can do and eventually I have no more tears to shed.

At this stage the local anaesthetic is beginning to wear off and I am developing a dull nagging ache.

Good! I want pain.

I am also fed up walking and even though I don’t care about strangers seeing me crying, I do care about the fact that they might think my newly acquired bike is just for show.

That I’m not able to ride a bicycle at all or worse still that I don’t dare to cycle on such a busy road.

So looking furtively behind me (I am still close to the hospital) I put my left foot on the left pedal and scoot off with my right one.

But it isn’t the sharp pain that stops me threading my right foot over the bar and onto the other pedal.

There may be butterflies!

Something catches my eye.

Something fluttering in the nearby Hebe bush.

I hop off the bike mid mount and hobble over for a closer look through red and swollen eyes.

A dozen or more blue butterflies are feeding on the purple flowers of a large Hebe bush growing on the side of the road.

I stand and watch them, amazed not only at their fragile beauty but the fact that I cycle this route at least three times a week and have never noticed them before.

With a small glimmer of wonder, I hop on my bicycle and cycle down through Blackrock village towards the sea.

Dolphins in the bay.

The road through Blackrock is a busy one but I am fearless.

After all I am probably going to die shortly so why worry.

I remember a fisherman in the west once told me that even though he couldn’t swim he wouldn’t wear a life jacket.

If his boat went down he wanted to go with it!

‘If i’m going to die, what better way than off my bicycle’ I decide.

But I get through the village without mishap and after turning left follow the road as it runs parallel to the sea.

An RTE van passes, giving wide berth to the crazy woman wobbling along (it is hard to pedal evenly with a thick dressing in the way)

‘I hope he realises how lucky he is to be alive and well and going about his daily business with no concerns’ I think crossly.

I pass two girls chatting. One stops and throwing back her head gives a bellow of laughter at something the other has said.

I am incensed.

How dare they take life so frivolously.

I cycle faster, pushing against the increasing pain.

I turn left again over the railway bridge, past the martello tower and am down at the sea at last.

I see the van parked beside the green.

The RTE man is setting up a tripod and and pointing the camera on it out to sea.

I follow it’s line and that’s when I see them.

A pod of dolphins.

Many many of them.

They are swimming in wide circles, leaping out of the water every now and again, the sun flashing blindingly off their wet backs.

I lean the yellow bike on its stand and limp across the grass for a closer look and somewhere to sit (my thigh is now throbbing painfully)

The only seat is already occupied by an elderly man but there are plenty of large rocks so I aim for them.

But as I pass he turns towards me and sliding over pats the space beside him.

I sit beside him nodding my thanks and hoping he wont try to strike up a conversation.

I can feel him looking at me curiously but he says nothing.

The camera man, focusing on his leaping jumping target, has not given any indication of our presence.

The fact that we three strangers are in such close proximity without a word between us would normally make me feel uncomfortable and I would have to make some remark to break the silence.

But today I am different.

I feel a sense of calm washing over me, and all sense of social awkwardness leaving me.

The rhythmic sound of the waves drowns out the distance noise of traffic and I am only aware of the sea and the sounds of our breathing  as we focus on the those leaping splashing forms in the bay

“I’ve lived here all my life and I’ll be 90 next week”

I jump.

The elderly man is speaking as though to himself.

He doesn’t wait for my reply but continues, shaking his head as though in disbelief.  “but in all my years I have never seen dolphins this early in the bay nor so many”

He turns to me

‘Did you know that dolphins symbolise protection, hope, some would even say rebirth?’ He takes my look of amazement for a smirk.

‘Ha’ he smiles ‘Bet you didn’t think I would be into that sort of malarkey. My wife used to laugh at me. ‘Arty farty” She called it.

Before I can reply that I am not laughing at him but am very grateful for his words, the camera man turns to invite us to watch the dolphins through the lens.

If he recognises the wild women wobbling dangerously he has passed earlier he is polite enough not to mention it.

I turn to the elderly man. He was here first.

‘Ah no you go on love’ He stays sitting

So I stand beside the camera man and look through camera as he zooms the lens in on them.

They are swimming in tighter circles now moving nearer our side of the bay.

As I watch, one leaps with a mighty push, clearing the water and as though in slow motion its body twists and spirals upwards.

Then it straightens and appears to be suspended for a few seconds before slapping back into the water.

I suddenly remember the blue butterflies so when I return to the seat I ask my new friend about them.

‘Blue butterflies’ he replies without hesitating or looking surprised ‘are a sign of healing!’

He looks at me with sudden concern “Are you all right? You look a bit pale”.

I smile

‘I’m fine’ I reassure him ‘In fact I have rarely felt better’.

And to prove it I leap onto the yellow bike and waving a goodbye to him and the RTE man, cycle up the hill and home.



This is a true story without embellishment but when I read back over it I can’t think why anyone would believe it.

It was almost fairy-tale-like in its happening.

But happen it did and it was the day I was going to survive.











A penchant for pumpkins (And pots of homemade jam)



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Penchant; A strong habitual liking for something or tendency to do something.


Most of us have a penchant for something.

Mine is for telling stories and my yellow bicycle.

Recently I came across someone with a penchant for pots of homemade jam.

This reminded me of another penchantier of not only homemade jam, but of the pumpkins his jam was made from.

And as it is the seventh anniversary of that time, I thought I might tell you the tale of Monsieur l’abbe and his penchant for pumpkins.

For those of you who may be concerned that their penchants are abnormal I hope this story reassures you….

But first we must go there (to France and the journey across it on the sturdy yellow bicycle)

After leaving the two Irish Moira’s of Montelieu and their tiny house in the middle of that village, and with their recommendation, (you MUST stay at the old abbey, they insisted, nodding their heads vigorously and smirking knowingly at each other) I cycled over the mountain and down the other side to the ancient Cistercian Abbey now a Chambre d’hote.

Arriving at an enormous pair of iron gates, I spotted a notice nailed to one of the gate posts beside which hung a worn but still thick rope.

TIREZ FORT ‘ I read.

So I did as instructed and pulled hard on the rope.

The sound of  a deep bell echoed through the innards of the building.

I could hear a dog barking and after a short wait, a tall man of indecipherable years wearing pale linen trousers and a white shirt, approached the gate.

He wore a wide brimmed black felt hat pulled down so low over his brow that I could only glimpse a shadow where his eyes should be.

‘Ah the woman on the yellow bicycle’, he called out as he pulled the gates open.

‘The Arteeste’ (The two Irish Moira’s had obviously filled him in, exaggerating my skills but this wasn’t the time to correct him )

‘Entrez! entrez! Holding the gate open for me, I pushed the yellow bicycle through passing quite close to him.

He smelt of something familiar. but I was too busy mumbling ‘bonsoir’ to pay much heed to it.

Any way he had already turned on his heel, and was leading the way into a large dimly lit coach house.

‘You may leave your beautiful yellow bicycle ici’.

At first I couldn’t see where he was pointing to but, as my eyes became accustomed to the gloom, I saw it was to the only space clear of huge pumpkins.

He stood patiently while I fumbled with the buckles on my panniers and basket and then taking the heavy items from me headed back out into the fading light.

I trotted obediently after him.

Down a cobbled path we went and then through another door and up a stone stairs.

He strode purposefully along a windowed corridor , where on each windowsill lay a beautifully carved pumpkin.

We passed rooms with various names on the doors. The ivy room, the oak room, the magnolia room, I tripping along trying to keep up with his long legged stride.

Finally he stopped at door which read ‘the rose room’ .

‘You will sleep here’

And opening the door he laid my belongings on the bed and bid me goodnight.

I waited till his footsteps had faded before throwing myself onto the bed.

I was exhausted but as I drifted off to sleep, I became conscious of that smell again.

What did it remind me of?

That night I dreamt I was back in Co Sligo in my old house by the waterfall, wandering up through the ferny dripping hazel woods, clambering over moss covered rocks to gather bags of loam made from centuries of broken down trees and leaves for my garden.

Dark, damp, earthy, crumbly loam, smelling of ancient woodlands….


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(the blue shuttered window of the Rose room, forth shuttered window from the right)

The story

La Monsieur de L’abbey had a penchant for pumpkins,

A fascination for the oddness of their shapes.

A passion for the soft blues, greens, orange colors of their skins.

They were everywhere!

Painted, sculpted, engraved, carved into bowls, jugs, even lampshades.

That morning at breakfast there were at least four different varieties of pumpkin jam.

Some made with added rosewater, some with Cointreau.

The hovering black fruit flies were drunk and in ecstasy.

We had to keep brushing them off our bread.

‘ Ah but you must try this! Le Monsieur’s face loomed close to mine as he pushed a teaspoon of the sweet syrup against my mouth.

‘Ze summer of 2008, best year for pumpkins… you like it?’

‘Mmmm’ I said widening my eyes for effect.

His were dark brown and very shiny.

‘And ziz’? He persisted dipping the spoon into another pot

‘Ziz did not turn out as I wanted… too sweet! So I added some ginger what do you think? Interesting flavour n’est pas?’

‘Qui, qui’ I murmured savoring the hot sweetness ‘very interesting’

He smiled.

His teeth were very white.

‘So today’ he announced ‘you must paint!’

‘No more gallivanting about on that yellow bicycle, I have hidden it!’

‘Today you must stay in the garden and paint pumpkins, come I will show you the best place’

I followed him out into the coolness of the morning.

His sandals made a slapping sound on the ancient flags of the cloister floor.

Heading up some steps , He crossed the dewy grass towards a Grecian style tower.

A few birds were up as early as us, singing in the nearby magnolia tree but otherwise all was still

At the base of the tower and covered by its first floor but open at the front to the elements, was a small courtyard screened from the abbey by some giant bamboos.

An ornate pond glistened in the morning sun.

I could see the shapes of goldfish flitting and hiding under the lily pads.

The soothing sound of trickling water over stones had an almost soporific effect.

Three old iron bed frames were placed, one along each of the three walls.

On the rustiest of the three lay some green pumpkins of rather bizarre shapes.

The remaining beds were covered in luxurious throws of some exotic fabric and a few cushions of Japanese silk were strewn casually against the heads of the bed frames.

A small bamboo table stood in the centre.

‘You may sit here’ He patted one of the cushions. ‘This is your studio. But first you must go and fetch your materials!  vite! vite!’

And so I, normally such a strong and independent woman, found myself scurrying off to do his bidding.

I hurried back across the lawn , past the bird filled magnolia tree, past a blue telephone box filled with pumpkins, passed a zany zen sculpture made of willow winding around a heap of pumpkins, passed a blue wheel barrow overflowing with pumpkins .

Down through the cloisters I ran and in through the door and swiftly up the stairs.

The mirror on the landing showed the flushed face of a woman of middle years smiling like a teenager.

Back in the garden Le Monsieur stood waiting.

In my absence he had replaced the black felt hat of yesterday with a Monet style one, white and wide brimmed, complete with black ribbon and looked for all the world like a great impressionist master.

On the low table now sat an elegant basket its lid fastened by silver clasps.

He undid the clasps and lifted the lid with a flourish

I peeped curiously inside.

A dainty teapot and two equally delicate china teacups nestled in the padded silk interior.

He lifted one of the tea cups out and placed it carefully on the table.

Then he lifted the the teapot and with all the ceremony of a geisha poured out a cup of fragrant green tea.

Steam coiled up and diseapearred into the rafters above and the scent of jasmine wafted into the air.

A soft breeze rustled the bamboo and the sunlight flitted and played with shadows across the spear like green leaves.

A few late butterflies danced, dipping and swaying among the hibiscus flowers.

The clinking of wind-chimes hanging in the peach tree broke the silence and every now and again a leaf broke loose and sea sawed through the air landing gracefully on the pond surface with a soft sighing sound only to be caught by the breeze where it sailed like a small boat across the pond.

‘Harrumph’ Le monsieur cleared his throat wakening me out of my daze.

I looked up at him

He smiled from beneath his brim

‘And now I will leave the artist to work’

And before I could reply he lifted my hand and bowing low over it, kissed it briefly.

He walked away and turning once by the willow sculpture he raised his hand in farewell

I caught that smell again.

Earthy, deep, dark and loamy and suddenly I remembered.

The smell of perfect compost for growing pumpkins in.

I lifted my brush and began to paint.

The End




The woman in the purple petticoat (What the Victorians saw)



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Weaver weft me a of piece of cloth

of your purist cotton

for linen is harder to dye they say

and I wish to dye it purple,


Dyster dye my length of cotton

but do not use the madder*

for i do not wish for fabric red

but the colour of the heather,


seamstress sow me a petticoat

of the the cotton i have you handed

and insert in the folds the light of the sun

and i will gladly wear it


basket maker make me creel

of the finest willow grown

and i will fill it full of turf

and bring the turf safely home


Artist paint my petticoat

not red nor blue nor yellow

but Paint it in the finest hue

the colour of the heather.


So he painted her skirt of the finest hue

and kissed its hem so dearly

and she turned and walked with her creel of turf

into the morning early.

(A tongue-in-cheek poem penned in the style of the romantic Victorians)

The Victorians were a romantic bunch as I have recently discovered when attending a series of lectures given in conjunction with the Frederick William Burton exhibition in the National Gallery of Art in Dublin.

But I will start at the beginning.

Long before the yellow bicycle I loved a purple skirt.

I loved it not only for its colour but for the way it hung.

It was made of gathered cotton and its folds caught the light as it billowed out and flowed beautifully when I walked.

I was never one to obsess over clothes (I would rather be off camping in the wilds of Connemara then spending a day shopping for them) So I couldn’t understand the draw it had on me.

It was only later I came across the significance of purple (mystery, magic and creativity not to mention passion and royalty)

I only knew I loved it entirely and wore it till its hem frayed and its colour faded.

Finally it became too threadbare to wear.

‘Make a cushion out of it’ One of my more practical sisters suggested, laughing at the horrified expression on my face ‘or give it to mom! She’ll cut it into squares and use them in one of her quilts’

What was my sister suggesting!

Didn’t she understand it was made to be free and flowing?

Made to live a life billowing out in the west of Ireland wind?

I could not allow it end its days being sat upon or lying crumpled on some bed.

No! I planned to bring it up and throw it, kite-like into the air where it could soar to the heavens or maybe I would hang it on a hawthorn tree beside a holy well where it could continue to spread its magic to those who came there to pray (for the cure of the eye or a bit of passion in their lives) .

But sadly I did neither.

Life changed, divorce happened, I moved from the west and somewhere in some box or bag lies the remnants of my beloved purple skirt

But all is not lost

Reorganising my book shelves last Sunday before I headed out to the above mentioned lecture, I came across an old magazine entitled  ‘Ireland of the welcomes’ .

It was the May-June  issue dated 1987

And on the front cover, for all to admire, was my beloved purple skirt.

How well the photographer captured its billowing fabric.

I go to my lecture.

Apart from the interesting facts of mapping by the ordinance surveyors of the time, the romantic portrayal , by artists, of the Irish colleen, wearing a red petticoat and carrying a creel of turf (or pitcher of water) in the west of Ireland was mentioned frequently.

It appears romantic remote landscapes were all the vogue in Victorian times. They loved what they considered ‘picturesque wildness’. they could not get enough of paintings on its subject.

They were also curious about people they considered different to themselves. The locals.

They had been to the orient and were now turning their attention to the west of Ireland which though physically nearer was actually harder to access due to lack of roads and ‘Gentlemens seats’ (the big houses where the gentry could spend the night).

Artists went to the west to capture this picturesqueness. Some went of their own accord but others were sent by journals such as Halls pictorial.

Petrie, James Arthur O’Connor, francis Danby and the man who my lectures were about Frederic william Burton to mention a few.

Tourism had come to the west of Ireland.

I wouldn’t dare give accurate dates or which artist came first because even though I scribbled notes I found it hard to concentrate.

Every time the lecturer put up a slide of one of these colleens, the image of my purple skirt (and me in it) with a creel of turf sitting jauntily on my hip floated in front of the screen reminding me that things hadn’t changed that much in 100 years of tourist advertising.

The End.

*Madder is a plant from whose roots red dye was obtained and was used extensively to dye the traditional petticoats of the women of the west of Ireland. It is a very ancient form of dye, seemingly used by the celts, who loved to wear colour, and is certainly mentioned in the ‘Book of Lismore’ 1408-1411.

Purple is a man made dye first produced  in the mid 1800’s.


P.S I wish to apologise to Nutan who took these photo’s, for the poor transferring of them from magazine to camera to laptop. In doing so I have, unintentionally, lost some of their magic. (Nutan I owe you a pot of homemade jam).
















There is more to life than riding a yellow bicycle (That’s no diet for a growing woman)



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There is more to weight (loss) than riding a yellow bike

or so I’m told.

turning pedals alone just won’t cut it. 

But, unless I spend the rest of my days monitoring every morsel I eat

(How boring)

I  will be as my genes dictate.

And so I am going to blame it on my mother.


Next month I face the great man himself (My Oncologist)

Nope, not god, but almost so.

And my mother will not be there to take the blame.

Not that she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My eighty six year old still alive Mother of eight (All alive) herself overweight, who continued to cycle her bicycle whilst her six slim best friends  (ironically now all dead) were driving around in BMW’s.

My avid gatherer of clutter and objects d’art mother. (When raising her family my father gave her the money to go and buy a washing machine. She gaily headed off on the bus into the city and came home with an original painting by Gerard Dillon instead)

My reader of Darwin, Dawkins and Dostoevsky mother, with a brain as sharp as a pin, would be well able to put her spoke in (pardon the pun) and stand up for me.

But no I will sit motherless with head bent.

And he will sigh and look at me and say

‘I didn’t save you from cancer only to lose you to heart disease’

and I will mumble something about my genes and how I can’t understand it because I am ALWAYS riding my yellow bicycle

and he will say (as he says every year) that that is not enough.

SO with this upcoming dreaded yearly appointment I start a frantic weight loss program.

(How much weight can one lose in a month?)

And to settle my nerves l take off through the autumny trees on the strength of the above pictured breakfast

and arrive home STARVING only to discover there is nothing there to eat but the leg of the table.





Thoughts about a beach as the summer ends.



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 If you blind folded me, spun me around a few times and then placed me on a beach I would instinctively know if I was on the Atlantic ocean or the Irish sea.


I am very fussy about my beaches

But before you label me a beach snob let me explain what I do not need from them.

I do not need my beaches palmed fringed no matter how white the sand.

I do not require umbrellas and sunbeds (no matter how colourful the umbrella or bespoke the bed).

I have no wish for thatched beach bar huts no matter how tempting the cocktails.

I do not need my beaches sun scorched with sand too hot to walk on barefoot.

(Though some sunny days would not go amiss, I am also partial to the odd stormy wild one)

And though I like clear water, I do not require shoals of exotic coloured fish

Six foot waves do not appeal even when decorated with handsome surfer lads.

I do not require a nearby car park (I will be arriving mostly by bicycle)

I find long flat beaches boring even though they say they are good for walking.


Give me the unexpected beach.

The one I come upon by chance when cycling grassy boreens or crossing green fields.


The distant spotted  ‘wonder how the hell I get to it’ beach.


The hard earned beach


with white seaweed strewn sand.


And coloured shells


And crops of rocks containing clear pools filled with sea anemones and sea urchins

and shrimps caught by the tide.

The ‘mountains in the distance’ beach


The ‘windswept hat snatching with rocks to shelter behind’ beach


The beach that stops me in my stride as I watch its perfect curling waves

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Or when my eye is caught by a seal who is following my progress.

or a diving gannet or noisy terns,

a lone oyster-catcher,

a pod of dolphins (if I’m lucky).

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a flock of Sanderlings who lift and wheel seaward at my approach. only to swing around and land noisily behind me again

A beach whose crystal water entices me to more than paddle no matter what the season.

A west of Ireland beach

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A wild Atlantic Beach.





Tackling a Haiku.. seven five seven (or should that be five seven five)




Ronavan writes Haiku Challenge?

Of course with my dyscalculi I got the syllable count the wrong way round.

but here it is……

In all its dyscalculuss-ness (The prompts being ‘September’ and ‘Late’)


Cycling Autumn berried lanes

In late September

Lace strewn gossamer the gorse




Blown-away bread; A recipe (Make it if you dare)



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You would be forgiven for thinking Blown-away bread is so named because the eater was ‘blown away’ by it’s deliciousness.

But that is not the case.

It got its name due to a mischievous gust of wind that blew it off the plate when I was about to serve it to my first customer.

“Hey my bread! it’s blown away” (needless to say I was serving it out of doors and by the wild Atlantic sea)

I quickly picked up the offending bread, shook the sand off, put it back on the plate and coolly replied

“Of course it has. That’s why its called Blown-away bread!”


Picture this!

you have just spent a glorious but tiring day cycling along mountain and bog roads and are positively STARVING.

Passing through a small village you decide to call into the butcher and buy a piece of steak.

Then, cycling the last down hill to your small tent by the sea, you set about lighting a fire.

You pull out a frying pan and throw a slab of butter into it followed by the steak.

That done you, pouring yourself a lavish glass of red wine, you stretch out your tired feet to the fire and wiggling your muddy toes (you cycle in sandals) sigh with contentment.

As you lean forward to turn the steak you become aware, above the sizzling of the pan, of the sound of voices in the distance and note (alarmingly) that they are getting louder.(A sure sign they are headed in your direction).

With sinking heart you hastily consider your options.

The first (which isn’t even a possible one but in your panic you consider it anyway) is to grab pan, steak and fire and run and hide (there are many sandy dips and hollows in this place) but you know that no one has ever manage to move a fire and live to tell the tale so you discard that one.

The second is to grin and brace yourself for the onslaught.

And here they come now .

‘Hi mom what are you doing?’

‘Hi granny’ (there are little ones in tow)

‘ooh that smells delicious’

It’s your family and without any invitation they plonk themselves down in unison beside you on the grass.

Now mothers are, by there very nature, selfless beings and it would be unacceptable to sit in front of your genes and devour a steak if you hadn’t enough to share, so you have to think quickly.

Mothers are also very innovative when it comes to feeding their young during a food shortage (think of the pelican) so without further ado you find yourself inventing a dish that although it would turn every cardiologist in the country white with fright, would have your children (even those whose diet mainly consists of avocado and almond milk) calling out for more.

The name of the dish? Blown-away Bread and you can find the recipe below.




  • One large frying pan into which you can fit two slices of bread comfortably.
  • one fire preferably by the sea.
  • one medium sized family


  • one Ilb butter (I use kerrygold)
  • One small steak
  • a small drop sea water (instead of salt)
  • A bottle (or two) of red wine (mostly for drinking but a small amount for cooking)
  • a loaf of thickly sliced bread (as many slices as there are people to feed and more)

Cooking time:  as long as the fire lasts.


First build a small circle of stones slightly smaller than the base of the frying pan and with an even finish so the pan can balance on it.

This done, light your fire inside this circle using turf /gathered drift wood/ dried cow dung etc

Allow the embers to die down.

Place your pan on the fire and when hot, add a good dollop of the butter.

As soon as the butter is frothing, add the steak browning it well on both sides

Allow the steak to cook thoroughly.

Discard the steak (either eat, give to the dog or throw to the seagulls. It’s no longer needed for the recipe)

Add more butter to the pan

Add some wine and a tablespoon of sea water and reduce

Carefully place two thick slices of bread in the pan.

Allow the slices to crisp on one side before turning over, ensuring they are thoroughly coated in the meat/butter/wine juice/seawater juice.

Crisp other side then lift on plate (watch that wind) and serve to your first two customers.

Continue adding butter/ wine/sea water/ bread and serving in that order until everyone has had a slice of substitute steak.

Keep going for as long as you have bread/fire/family/wine oh and calm weather.


Waiting for the embers to die down. The wine? Oh that’s for cooking with of course.

The End.





By the wind camping (Wild camping with benefits)



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Wild camping/stealth camping! Call it what you will!

It is indented into my genes as it is into my children’s and grandchildren’s.

And IT was born out of necessity due to the love my parents had for camping and the lack of campsites in Ireland when they were young and full of energy even with eight children in tow.

Indeed lack of campsites not only did NOT deter them but actually encouraged them to head off summer after summer in search of that perfect wild spot preferably beside the sea where we could throw off our shoes and not put them back on again till the day we had to head, weeping and wailing back, back to civilisation.

But as children grew up and marriages occurred and partners who had no wild camping upbringing, became embroiled in this tradition, something had to give. 

and something eventually did.

And  from it ‘By the wind camping’ was born.


Each spring, as early as February the conversation begins.

‘Everybody going down this summer?’

But this year my younger daughter (the one with husband and three children) replied.

‘We are! but we’re thinking of renting a house!’

She glared at us defiantly.

‘A house? how could you? ‘

That came from my older daughter.

But then She frowned.

‘Oh my god’ ! She put her hand over her mouth and opening her eyes wide looked at her sister in sympathy.

‘I had forgotten! oh remember what happened Tom (not his real name but the husband of my younger daughter) last year?’

A vision of the normally calm Tom appearing at the door of my tent, hair on end, eyes wild and staring, shouting ‘where is she’? came to mind.

And we, who were sitting chatting and drinking wine in the above mentioned tent turned to look at him in surprise.

‘Whats wrong’ we asked in unison

‘I can’t do this anymore’ was his frenzied reply.

All eye’s were on him now, some of us glancing at his hand which was clutching a food laden knife.

‘Tom!’ My youngest daughter said sharply.

‘Pull yourself together’  her tone was one of admonishment but she was also embarrassed.

‘But, but’

At that stage Tom has started to babble incoherently.

‘Excuse me’ she turned apologetically away from us and standing up, removed the knife from his hand and tossing it to one side, put her arm around her husband and gently steered him away.

‘Its OK, everything is OK’ she spoke gently as though to a frightened child, and soothingly led him back to the tent where their children were sleeping and where, outside was strewn a huge jumble of dishes.

Greasy but scrubbed clean with sand, they lay waiting to be rinsed in the pot of water  which was heating on the fire.

I understood what had happened.

Not being born into wild camping, Tom (whilst down at the shore scrubbing the pile of above mentioned dishes with sand and then hauling the basin of ware back up from the beach to the waiting pot of hot water) had allowed his mind to drift back to a time when a holiday meant relaxing by a pool in some sunny clime with a beer in his hand.

Silly man!

That memory was his big mistake.

The undoing of him.

I have seen it happen to other in laws of our family and it is not a pretty sight.

Most get into the swing of it within a year or two.

Some even stop pretending to and actually begin to enjoy it.

But some, like Tom, were a lost cause and though he had tried over the years he was only getting worse.

After much discussion we agreed that a house for Tom would be a good idea.

And so ‘By the wind camping’ was born.

How does it work?

Well those of us who could, would wild camp, while others, like Tom, who couldn’t face it, would rent a house as near as possible. Then they would ‘day’ camp with us and at the end of the day, under cover of darkness, retreat to the house only to reappear clean and refreshed at their tent the next morning giving all the appearance of being a wild camper which in fairness they would be for 60% of the time.

But some of us fell between two camping stools.

And on nights when the wind rose and the rain fell and white horses appeared in the bay and our tents groaned and flapped and bent and leaned away from the prevailing wind, I found myself, under the excuse of needing some implement from the house, cycling up to it.

And as I was there, I reasoned, I might as well snuggle into one of those soft mattress duvet covered beds.

Just for a while anyway.

‘I’ll head back down around midnight’ I promised myself.

But mostly morning would find me still in the warm bed.

Sure as I’m there why not avail of a warm shower (as opposed to a splash in the cold sea) and it would be a pity not to make a quick coffee on the electric hob (instead of lighting a fire).

And that done I would sneak back down to my tent at the crack of dawn and pretend I had slept there all night.

And so what ensued was the best summer ever.

To be continued ……






Study of a small boy sitting in a doorway (Unexpected Item in the bagging area)



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Its OK to change your mind.

It is even healthy, now and again, to throw old notions to the wind.

Recently I have realised that a lot of my notions were due the ‘bin’.

Especially the preconceived ones which, other than ‘sitting right’ with me at the time, had no fact founded basis.

Things I was adamant about, I can now look at with a more levelled eye.

Things that I thought were the be all and end all, are becoming less significant.

The dream I had of living in a small cottage in the west of Ireland I can admit to being just a dream and no longer holds the same importance as it did say ten years ago

And as I grow older different dreams take its place.

And changes are happening

I can’t even take credit for these changes.

They slip into my life as it twists and turns and settle mostly barely noticed.

until recently that is…

I always said I would never child mind my grandchildren full time.

Love them? of course and dearly.

Take them for treats? now and again.

Babysit them? at the drop of a hat

I had a good job, an easy lifestyle and plenty of time to see them but I cherished my own time for heading off with my bicycle, traipsing around the country.

I relished time spent alone. writing, drawing, painting.

Then one day a request, an opportunity, a decision and a commitment changed all that and I am now nanny for my youngest grandson, four days a week

I call him my ‘unexpected item in the bagging area’.

Unexpectedly and delightfully he has changed my view of life.

To be continued…..



By-the-sea-walker (An experiment in the manner of a poem)



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One day when exploring some rock pools in Connemara I came across a tiny jelly fish. Almost transparent but tinged with a deep blue, what caught my attention was it’s ‘sail’. Hoisted merrily this sail allowed the wind propel it across the pool. When I looked it up I saw it was a Velella velella. A tiny jellyfish that uses the wind to transport it.

But it was its other name that made me fall in love with this tiny creature of the sea. By-the-wind-sailor. How apt that description but also how lovely the wording sings. So here is my poem called By-the-sea-walker.

Today I left my bicycle at home

and went ‘by the sea walking’

today I went slower

by    the    sea


Today I met the bird watch warden

while by the sea walking

It turns out he knows my brother

(the world is a small place

when you go by the sea walking)

today I saw a yellow horned poppy

and a common blue butterfly

and a stone that looked like a terns egg

but was really

just a stone.

and a stone in the shape of a heart

with a chip and a line through it

like a broken heart

I also passed two ladies

‘Ah sure listen to me now

we’ll soon be living in a traffic jam”

they said to each other

not if you go by the sea walking

I said to myself

The end

Sometimes I prefer walking (If only Dad had heard of kintsukuroi)



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Kintsukuroi : The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted with gold silver or platinum powder.

‘Don’t let Stephanie touch that dish/plate/teapot, she’ll break it!’ was one of my Dad’s refrains.

Recently my sister reminded me of this when telling me of someone she knew who was dyspraxic. She said she often wondered if I had suffered from a mild form that went undetected.

I assured her that I was just a clumsy child and the fact that I had no problem riding a bicycle proved I hadn’t a dyspraxic bone in my body.

Poor Dad!

If only he heard about kintsukuroi he might have been a bit more chilled about my breakages, plus he never learned that hovering nervously over me reminding me not to break something was a sure way of making me break it.

Then again with the pressure off I might not have broken any for him to practice on in the first place.

Now my observation is a sort of antithesis.

My Dad was a pedant and therefore on one side the perfectionist in him would have struggled when faced with the shattered pieces of something as beautiful as a delicate china plate.

But he was also an artist, a purist one to be exact (no wild abstract splashing’s for him, his water colours followed the strict old fashioned wash method) so the creative side of this Japanese art would have interested him.

And being a purist, his Kintsukuroi would have been meticulous.

Unfortunately he missed the era of google, but I am sure he would have gone in search of books on the subject, just as he had with the art of tying Artificial flies for his fishing.

One of my childhood memories is of him sitting, head bent, brow furrowed in concentration, at his specially equipped table in my parents bedroom, tying these minute flies. (Really he should have been working at his architectural drawings and earning a crust for his family)

This table, on which stood a miniature vice grips and a well leafed book detailing the art of fly tying, had a small drawer underneath containing boxes with hooks of various sizes, scrapes of wool, gold and silver threads and hackle feathers collected from cockerels around the country.

It was actually my mothers dressing table, but since she never wore a scrape of make up or perfume, he commandeered it.

So you can understand why I could also picture him, at the same table, in the same manner, painstakingly fitting together the pieces of my latest breakage and painting in the cracks with gold or silver lacquer.

And just as when he was tying flies, we watched in admiration (the hook steady in the vice grips and using a forceps with surgical precision, attaching first the wool, winding the silver or gold thread around to hold it in place, then the feathers) as before our very eyes a Wickhams fancy, bloody butcher, sooty olive, or duckfly, appeared,  we could have also gazed admiringly at his latest piece of kintsukuroi.

And I would have been the proud source of yet another family story surrounding the occasion of the breakage of that particular piece (rather than the shameful clumsy daughter who’s breakages ended in the bin).

A note on fly fishing (and how it ruled our family)

Firstly, the subject of hackle feathers!

As a child it did not appear to us in anyway unusual that, when driving along a country road we would screech to a sudden halt, as my dad, having spied some colourful feathered fowl in a farm yard, would leap from the car, open the gate and scattering the hens, approach the door to talk to the woman of the house.

From our vantage point, we would watch as she, or one of her children raced around the yard in pursuit of the fine cockerel whose feathers my Dad had put his eye on.

Once caught the catcher would hold the bird steady while my Dad plucked a few of the hackle feathers and thanking the farmers wife profusely, tuck them into the small metal box he kept in his jacket pocket.

Secondly. We had to know the names of the flies he tied. After all if we were his oarsman for the day, he could, without letting his eyes leave the water, reel in his line and announce that a change of fly was needed. And our job then was to quietly place the oars in the rowlocks (sounds might frighten the fish) and hand him whichever of the above he requested.

So you better know your flies!.

But where is this story going?

Oh yes.

Breakages, flaws, imperfections and changes and re-pairings.

Kintsukuroi also has a philosophical expression i.e embracing the flaws and imperfections of the object. Seeing its life story through its breakages rather than trying to disguise them.

April, eight years ago, I received the news of a biopsy.

Metastatic melanoma.

The primary, my right calf.

A small freckle I had surgically removed a few years before (supposedly benign) had metastasised to the lymph nodes in my groin.

Had all those years of cycling in the summer sun caused the primary?

Who knows? but one thing was sure. I was not the perfectly healthy individual I presumed I was, but a flawed one, an imperfect being, a broken piece of the human kind.

Look Dad! Now how insignificant those plates, those cups, that teapot.

‘But how can it be?’ I wailed at anyone interested in listening to me’ I feel so well’

I wrote in my diary.

‘After all my years of nursing, of hand holding and reassuring of others I am now on the same side of the fence. I never thought it would be me.’

I had my surgery that May.

At first I was scared of everything, the sun, my life, even my leg.

Especially my leg.

I took each step gingerly, barely daring to walk on it.

I was so fearful of putting weight on it that I began to cycle more than I ever (if that was possible) just to avoid putting it to the ground.

My bicycle became my crutch.

At first I cycled with two surgical drains still in place, hidden by pinning them to the underside of my long skirt.

Then through an exhausting year of Interferon.

I couldn’t stop cycling!

In the west of Ireland I struggled against the Atlantic storms, forcing my legs round and round.

And when my treatment finished, I cycled at a gentler pace across France where, on I reaching the Mediterranean, I finally excepted the philosophy of Kintsukuroi and embraced my imperfection.

In doing so, I realised I no longer needed to rely so much on my bicycle to cart me around and that sometimes I preferred walking.

And now, although there is no silver or gold mending it, like a piece of (unfinished) Kintsukuroi, the thin scar making its way crookedly along, from mid thigh to mid abdomen, continues to tell my story.

To be continued…

(Where with some anxiety but after much deliberation I decided to explore The Alentejo region in Portugal without the yellow bicycle.